Help Trying to tackle jealousy head on?

[minamin]

Greetings all,
I struggle a lot with feelings of jealousy toward certain people in my life. Not the kind where I wish I was them, but thinking that opportunities they've gotten would be done better by me (maybe not jealousy, but envy?). I know that these feelings are wrong, I'm still working on fixing them.
I bring this up because the friend who I feel this way toward the most recently suggested something that would cause us to see each other in person a lot more than usual. (Keeping it vague, I don't know who's on this site, hah. But it would basically make the amount of time we're face to face increase drastically, instead of only meeting maybe every couple months.)
I very much like this friend, but there are some doubts in my mind about the idea. Whenever I see them and hear about things they've done, or sometimes even just seeing them online on FB or whatever, that feeling of jealousy comes back. ("They got to do that project? I could have done it so much better.", that kind of thinking.) I really hate it. I truly value this person- I think they're a wonderful friend- and I hate that these feelings come up that make me think I shouldn't interact with them often anymore because my head will just start thinking things.
At the same time though, maybe seeing them way more often will get me more accustomed to seeing them more as a person, and not just the friend I see every once in a while that I get jealous of. So maybe these feelings will go away over time (Or they could get worse…)

If it were you in this situation, what would you do? Is it stupid of me to try and get over my jealousy head-on by meeting with the person who makes me feel that way every day? I need a bit of outside perspective on this…

 

[motel rooms]

I know that these feelings are wrong, I'm still working on fixing them.

Unless they're so intense that they're impairing your ability to function, those feelings are completely natural. Everybody's at least a tiny bit jealous of somebody else.

 

[lyles]

Greetings all,
I struggle a lot with feelings of jealousy toward certain people in my life. Not the kind where I wish I was them, but thinking that opportunities they've gotten would be done better by me (maybe not jealousy, but envy?). I know that these feelings are wrong, I'm still working on fixing them.

Feelings by themselves are not wrong, they are a natural part of being human. It is how you respond and react based upon those feelings that matter. It sounds like you understand that these feelings aren't productive for your relationship or wellbeing though, which is a great first step that a lot of people struggle with. So huge props to you, genuinely, for all that.

I bring this up because the friend who I feel this way toward the most recently suggested something that would cause us to see each other in person a lot more than usual. (Keeping it vague, I don't know who's on this site, hah. But it would basically make the amount of time we're face to face increase drastically, instead of only meeting maybe every couple months.)

I don't know the situation exactly, but is it an option to have a trial run of this? Take it a bit at a time and see if you acclimate or if it is harmful to your relationship and mental health?

I very much like this friend, but there are some doubts in my mind about the idea. Whenever I see them and hear about things they've done, or sometimes even just seeing them online on FB or whatever, that feeling of jealousy comes back. ("They got to do that project? I could have done it so much better.", that kind of thinking.) I really hate it. I truly value this person- I think they're a wonderful friend- and I hate that these feelings come up that make me think I shouldn't interact with them often anymore because my head will just start thinking things.

Intrusive thoughts are hard. But they don't make you a bad friend or person. I don't have a great idea on how to get ahold of them myself honestly. If you feel that you can begin to shift your perspective from comparing yourself to them and their opportunities and being proud of your own or looking to how they have helped enrich you with these things it may make it a bit easier. That's all easier said than done sometimes but that is what I got off the top of my head.

At the same time though, maybe seeing them way more often will get me more accustomed to seeing them more as a person, and not just the friend I see every once in a while that I get jealous of. So maybe these feelings will go away over time (Or they could get worse…)

If it were you in this situation, what would you do? Is it stupid of me to try and get over my jealousy head-on by meeting with the person who makes me feel that way every day? I need a bit of outside perspective on this…

If it was me, personally, I would try to feel out how I cope with spending a longer amount of time with them first. Maybe stay over with them for a day or two- or even a week- and see how that goes. If it makes me more irritable or I notice myself beginning to take things out on them then I would remove myself from that and mitigate time between us to being only for a shorter amount of time.

And it might be good, if it is an option, to talk to them about this. I know that can sound scary and ridiculous but honest communication in relationships can really make them better, even with the hard stuff. I have been in friendships where I've had to be honest about things I was feeling about them that were not their fault and part of me needed to work out my own issues but were still something I was experiencing. Acknowledging that this feeling was here as well as the love and respect for them and desire to keep the relationship. Sometimes they can offer help and input that is really helpful.