Help Trying to get over him

[Rainn]

I haven't been on this site in a minute and noticed a lot of forums talk about different things asking for advice so I would be okay for me to post this.

So me and this guy met around the end of June and became good friends. He was really nice and I enjoyed our conversations. I moved to Colorado not too long ago so I don't really know a lot of people here. Lately I've been feeling really down going through a lot of problems with work, school, family, etc. We started getting really close and I was developing feelings for him. I hid these feelings for a few months because I was scared it would ruin our relationship. I don't think I'm a very attractive person so whenever I like a guy or a girl I know it's never going to work out for me. Dating is something I avoid due to my personal issues and other things. At first I thought he felt the same about me with the constant flirting, calling me cute nicknames, holding me, taking me out and so on.

A week before Christmas I decided to confess my feelings after my friend told me not to lol. She felt like he was just leading me on and things would end bad for us. Why didn't I listen to her? I told him how I felt, he thought I was cute and not much really happened, we kept talking. It was really weird. I got him a late Christmas gift and he really liked it, we hugged and in that moment I thought he was going to kiss me because of how close we were but I kind of moved away and kept talking. He pulled me really close wrapping his arm around me while I'm freaking out trying to not say anything stupid.

I really miss those times we spent together. Since New Year, he's been acting strange distancing himself. We don't really talk unless it's something important and we don't hang out anymore. I tried talking to him but he doesn't seem interested in me anymore. I ask myself if I did something wrong and if he hates me. Every time he walks by, I avoid his gaze and I can feel him staring at me. His best friend knows that I have feelings for him and said that he's just trying to play it safe. What? I don't know what he means by that. It hurts because I really like this guy and he was always there for me and I was for him. Before I met him I was really depressed and felt like such a failure (sometimes I still do) and was ready to end it all. But with him, he made me feel important and I thought things were moving in a good direction but....I don't know.

I feel like I'm back at stage one again feeling worthless again and alone. I hate feeling this way.

 

[Im.so.tired]

Maybe when he said that hes trying to play it safe he meant he doesnt want to get hurt. Idk thats just what i would take it as. Im sorry you are going through this. Maybe try just talking to him about how you feel its been different lately and you dont want to lose him as a friend. If thats the case. See what he says.

 

[WornOutLife]

Whenever we have a crush on someone and start loving them, the world without them seems the worst thing ever.

However, time really heals all your wounds.

Sometimes, people get fed up with people. No matter what you do.

However, new opportunities will always show up as long as you don't isolate yourself from the world.

Whatever happens, I wish you lots of love and peace.

I've got this feeling you're gonna get over this and things will improve somehow.

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[Rainn]

Maybe when he said that hes trying to play it safe he meant he doesnt want to get hurt. Idk thats just what i would take it as. Im sorry you are going through this. Maybe try just talking to him about how you feel its been different lately and you dont want to lose him as a friend. If thats the case. See what he says.

Him and his guy friend have known each other for 11 years so when he told me that he's probably trying to "play it safe" I got really confused and he didn't wanna explain what he meant by that. It's so hard because I hate confronting people about things. It's so hard talking to him sometimes. I try to ignore him or just look the other way but I can tell he's just staring at me. I wish he would just say something instead of looking at me. It just makes me feel uncomfortable.

Whenever we have a crush on someone and start loving them, the world without them seems the worst thing ever.

However, time really heals all your wounds.

Sometimes, people get fed up with people. No matter what you do.

However, new opportunities will always show up as long as you don't isolate yourself from the world.

Whatever happens, I wish you lots of love and peace.

I've got this feeling you're gonna get over this and things will improve somehow.

Hugs and love,

Matt

It's so hard because when he started acting strange and was ignoring me, I asked if he was okay and what was going on. He said some mean things to me and I just couldn't stop crying and he left me outside and I had to call my friend to get me. My friends keep telling me to stay away from him but I can't. This is why I hate falling for people.

 

[Pookie]

It's so hard because when he started acting strange and was ignoring me, I asked if he was okay and what was going on. He said some mean things to me and I just couldn't stop crying and he left me outside and I had to call my friend to get me. My friends keep telling me to stay away from him but I can't. This is why I hate falling for people.

Horrible that he did that and it sounds like he doesn't have any respect for you. You deserve better. So much better. Is there any other guy you can focus on or anything else you can do to distract yourself from thinking about him?

 

[JustAMatterOfTime]

Poor you I understand how you feel, I am not over someone from 4 years ago. Wish I had some advice but I have absolutely zero because I don't know how to do it either.

 

[Bat 17]

I'm sorry to hear this, I hate so-called unrequited love and spent a lot of my 20s holding a candle for people who didn't feel the same way about me.

I think what is most concerning is that he said mean things which made you cry. What's that all about? It doesn't sound like the actions of someone who is just playing it safe.

The best thing, not the easiest thing, but the best thing you can do is follow some of @WornOutLife's advice and start moving on to other things. If he and you are meant to be, this will 'reset' the relationship. If he's not right for you (and a bf or friend wouldn't make you cry), then it's the only way to get over him

 

[RayofHope]

It's difficult when feelings develop in relationships. You were brave to tell him and it was the right thing to do. Now you know where you stand as painful as it is. Don't put yourself down, I've never yet met the perfect person. I've learnt very late in life to try and not look for happiness through a relationship. I know the pain and hurt is bad but battle on through. There is someone else for you.

Sending love your way.

 

[Rainn]

Horrible that he did that and it sounds like he doesn't have any respect for you. You deserve better. So much better. Is there any other guy you can focus on or anything else you can do to distract yourself from thinking about him?

I've tried to distract myself but I can't. I still like him a lot and the last time we spoke was about a week ago then there was some drama going on between us which I had to clear up and now we're not talking again. I was so confused with how the way he spoke to me that day then the next day he says hi to me starting conversations with me like nothing ever happened

Poor you I understand how you feel, I am not over someone from 4 years ago. Wish I had some advice but I have absolutely zero because I don't know how to do it either.

I feel like the only way I would get over him is if we didn't see each other anymore. It's always been that way with my past relationships.

I'm sorry to hear this, I hate so-called unrequited love and spent a lot of my 20s holding a candle for people who didn't feel the same way about me.

I think what is most concerning is that he said mean things which made you cry. What's that all about? It doesn't sound like the actions of someone who is just playing it safe.

The best thing, not the easiest thing, but the best thing you can do is follow some of @WornOutLife's advice and start moving on to other things. If he and you are meant to be, this will 'reset' the relationship. If he's not right for you (and a bf or friend wouldn't make you cry), then it's the only way to get over him

For the past few weeks, I've realized that this relationship between us is not going to work out which is why I've been distancing myself from him.

Horrible that he did that and it sounds like he doesn't have any respect for you. You deserve better. So much better. Is there any other guy you can focus on or anything else you can do to distract yourself from thinking about him?

It's so weird how he says that he cares and worries about me a lot and I wonder if he really means it

Horrible that he did that and it sounds like he doesn't have any respect for you. You deserve better. So much better. Is there any other guy you can focus on or anything else you can do to distract yourself from thinking about him?

It's so weird how he says that he cares and worries about me a lot and I wonder if he really means it

 

[Pookie]

It's so weird how he says that he cares and worries about me a lot and I wonder if he really means it

Look at his ACTIONS, not his words. Any fool can tell you what you want to hear, but what they actually think of you will be clear in their actions.

Also, his hot and cold behaviour towards you and having drama with him and then him carrying on the next day as if nothing happened could mean he has narcissistic tendencies. Google stuff like "Signs you're dealing with a narcissist" and see if you recognise any of those behaviours in him.

 

[Rainn]

Look at his ACTIONS, not his words. Any fool can tell you what you want to hear, but what they actually think of you will be clear in their actions.

Also, his hot and cold behaviour towards you and having drama with him and then him carrying on the next day as if nothing happened could mean he has narcissistic tendencies. Google stuff like "Signs you're dealing with a narcissist" and see if you recognise any of those behaviours in him.

I guess so. It's just for a while I wanted to believe that he actually cared about me saying that he didn't wanna lose me, every time I would try to leave he wouldn't let me go, grabbing me. I let him get in my head and I'm so annoyed by that

 

[Pookie]

Nobody likes rejection and of course it's going to hurt. It's only natural. But it seems this guy is just going to reel you back in and hurt you again, reel you back in and hurt you again, rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat.

I had a guy treat me like that and I eventually just got bored of his shit and forgot about him. I was so into him back then but now the thought of him makes my skin crawl. Maybe you'll get to that point, maybe you won't, but nobody can tell you what to do. It's really up to you how much you feel you can put up with.

 

[Rainn]

Nobody likes rejection and of course it's going to hurt. It's only natural. But it seems this guy is just going to reel you back in and hurt you again, reel you back in and hurt you again, rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat.

I had a guy treat me like that and I eventually just got bored of his shit and forgot about him. I was so into him back then but now the thought of him makes my skin crawl. Maybe you'll get to that point, maybe you won't, but nobody can tell you what to do. It's really up to you how much you feel you can put up with.

I feel like if we were at the point and he wanted to be with me I would most likely say no because of how he made me feel. But I won't have to worry about that since it's never going to happen. I just wish I'd never met him.

 

[Pookie]

I feel like if we were at the point and he wanted to be with me I would most likely say no because of how he made me feel. But I won't have to worry about that since it's never going to happen. I just wish I'd never met him.

The fact that you feel you'd say no if he wanted to be with you means that you have more respect for yourself than you realise and that you have good boundaries.

Sometimes we hang around far longer than we should because all we want is their acceptance and/or to be loved in return. Or we hope that they'll change. But sometimes that doesn't happen and we never get closure. Unfair I know, but we have to find our own closure sometimes.

Try not to blame yourself for the fact that he got into your head. The blame is on him for being such an insensitive asshole - he is the one who kept reeling you in whenever you wanted to leave. Chances are you're not the first woman he's treated this way so it's nothing personal, even though it may feel like that.

Do be aware that if he sees you're cutting him off for good that he might try to get you hooked again, but that's just because it's all a game to him.

"I just wish I'd never met him." I know that feeling all too well. But look at it this way, he taught you something valuable and now you'll know which types of guys to avoid who display similar behaviours. Hugs to you.

 

[Rainn]

The fact that you feel you'd say no if he wanted to be with you means that you have more respect for yourself than you realise and that you have good boundaries.

Sometimes we hang around far longer than we should because all we want is their acceptance and/or to be loved in return. Or we hope that they'll change. But sometimes that doesn't happen and we never get closure. Unfair I know, but we have to find our own closure sometimes.

Try not to blame yourself for the fact that he got into your head. The blame is on him for being such an insensitive asshole - he is the one who kept reeling you in whenever you wanted to leave. Chances are you're not the first woman he's treated this way so it's nothing personal, even though it may feel like that.

Do be aware that if he sees you're cutting him off for good that he might try to get you hooked again, but that's just because it's all a game to him.

"I just wish I'd never met him." I know that feeling all too well. But look at it this way, he taught you something valuable and now you'll know which types of guys to avoid who display similar behaviours. Hugs to you.

Thanks Pookie. Yeah and he was talking to his friend saying "idk why she's not talking me". And the day I confessed to him I felt so bad because he was saying things like "Why do you like me? I have nothing to offer. You're really cute" and "it's been so long since anyone has liked me". Maybe girls in the past did like him he just didn't know and they kept it a secret.

 

[Pookie]

Thanks Pookie. Yeah and he was talking to his friend saying "idk why she's not talking me". And the day I confessed to him I felt so bad because he was saying things like "Why do you like me? I have nothing to offer. You're really cute" and "it's been so long since anyone has liked me". Maybe girls in the past did like him he just didn't know and they kept it a secret.

Hmmm, he just seems like one big mind fuck. But at the end of the day I'm just making assumptions. He could have high-functioning autism, be asexual, he could be any number of things. But what he did by leaving you outside like that is not on and there's no excuse for that kind of behaviour. How old is he by the way?

 

[Rainn]

Hmmm, he just seems like one big mind fuck. But at the end of the day I'm just making assumptions. He could have high-functioning autism, be asexual, he could be any number of things. But what he did by leaving you outside like that is not on and there's no excuse for that kind of behaviour. How old is he by the way?

He's 20. He opened up to me about his adhd, schizophrenia, etc. I don't think he's asexual because he is a sexual person and he's always talking about sexual things to me which was also weird.

 

[Pookie]

He's 20. He opened up to me about his adhd, schizophrenia, etc. I don't think he's asexual because he is a sexual person and he's always talking about sexual things to me which was also weird.

Schizophrenia is a pretty serious mental illness so maybe he does like you but like he said, he has nothing to offer you and maybe he feels that way due to his mental illness. So yeah, the way he's treating you is nothing personal.

 

[Rainn]

Schizophrenia is a pretty serious mental illness so maybe he does like you but like he said, he has nothing to offer you and maybe he feels that way due to his mental illness. So yeah, the way he's treating you is nothing personal.

I don't know. It's such a confusing situation.