Venting Trying to cope with the fact my ex coerced me into sex.

[Lady_V]

I met a guy here on sasu and formed a relationship. He was my 1st boyfriend. I was adamant that I was not the type to sleep around, and I would only sleep with someone if they were serious/committed to me. I told him I would ctb if anyone ever used me for sex and dumped me right after. I was VERY clear about my fears of being used. I trusted him. Some internet stranger who called himself "nice" & "empathetic". I met with him, my 1st boyfriend, and we eventually had sex even though I wasn't fully comfortable. Immediately right after, like I barely got my clothes on and he was still naked, he started to cry and he broke up with me on the spot. He told me he didn't want a serious relationship, didn't want kids or a future with me even though he was saying he did want those things right up until he came. I was horrified but hid it to comfort him because he was crying tears of what I think was guilt.

Later on, I had a full-on panic attack from it all. I never have panic attacks. My nightmare came true.

I was sexually abused as a child, so willingly sleeping with my 1st boyfriend was one of the biggest things I have ever done. And a liar took it from me and ruined what was supposed to be a growing moment.

We patched things up somehow because I was unwilling to admit to myself that I, my body, was just used, again. We had a 1.5 year relationship where I put all the effort in, and he never listened to me when I said I didn't want to have sex. I also got pregnant and had a miscarriage I hid from him because I knew he would break up with me if I was less than perfect for him.

At the start of summer, he broke up with me out of nowhere again. I literally just got done packing things up to move to him when he did it. He had been wanting to break up with me for a week and let me pack my bags, thinking we were really going to start a life together. He was lying to me again.

Man, I'm messed up from this. More trauma for me, I guess.

 

[R. A.]

fuck. words fail. just an optional

 

[amerie]

I'm genuinely so sorry that person is fucking evil and disgusting, you didn't deserve this at all. If i find this user they're getting touched and handled, just know whoever you are demon, you are NO LONGER safe and i am coming. I don't know how im going to find you but I will.

Manipulative evil men like this are really predators on the levels of certain people who I won't mention. I'm trying to be as vague as possible so this doesn't get taken down, but some people really do deserve to be miserable and on this forum, and he is one of those people. It just sucks that here there are so many sweet angels and demonic monsters invade this place and take advantage of them by trying to meet up with women irl to use them.

 

[Lady_V]

I'm genuinely so sorry that person is fucking evil and disgusting, you didn't deserve this at all. If i find this user they're getting touched and handled, just know whoever you are demon, you are NO LONGER safe and i am coming. I don't know how im going to find you but I will.

Manipulative evil men like this are really predators on the levels of certain people who I won't mention. I'm trying to be as vague as possible so this doesn't get taken down, but some people really do deserve to be miserable and on this forum, and he is one of those people. It just sucks that here there are so many sweet angels and demonic monsters invade this place and take advantage of them by trying to meet up with women irl to use them.

I still hard to face his actions (and my stupidity) idk why I still want to defend him or struggle to see him in that light.
I was concerned he would do this with someone else in the community and expressed it to him. He was dead set he wouldn't date ever again. Idk how much I trust that tho, because he's a pretty big liar. Last I talked to him he was in a terrible mental state so idk if he ctb or anything.

 

[amerie]

I still struggle to face his actions (and my stupidity) idk why I still want to defend him or see him in that light.
I was concerned he would do this with someone else in the community and expressed it to him. He was dead set he wouldn't date ever again. Idk how much I trust that tho, because he's a pretty big liar. Last I talked to him he was in a terrible mental state so idk if he ctb or anything.

Please don't blame yourself, he knows what he's doing and doesn't care. He knew you were in a vulnerable state and used you. That is who he is and has nothing to do with you, god forbid you love someone and give them a chance, that's his loss for self destructing and throwing away a relationship because he's a loser.

I think I might know who it is now that I'm thinking

 

[Lady_V]

Please don't blame yourself, he knows what he's doing and doesn't care. He knew you were in a vulnerable state and used you. That is who he is and has nothing to do with you, god forbid you love someone and give them a chance, that's his loss for self destructing and throwing away a relationship because he's a loser.

I think I might know who it is now that I'm thinking

I'm not sure his handle on here because he deleted his old account and probably made a new one, but if you've been a part of the Discord communities in the last 2 years, you probably know him. He had loose lips about me and private issues, so I wouldn't be shocked if people could connect the dots.

 

[amerie]

I'm not sure his handle on here because he deleted his old account and probably made a new one, but if you've been a part of the Discord communities in the last 2 years, you probably know him. He had loose lips about me and private issues, so I wouldn't be shocked if people could connect the dots.

so you're telling me, he had the NERVE to talk bad on YOU for something HE did???

All imma say is he needs to hurry up and accomplish whatever his goal is…

 

[R. A.]

thank god for @amerie's righteous fire finding its way to you.

there does have to be a line drawn with this shit. as in sure, i get that most people who are scum of the earth probably didn't wake up one day in childhood and decide to aspire to that / userbase here is among some of the most deeply damaged on the english web / hurt people hurt people blah blah.
but that doesnt mean you can do whatever the fuck you want. for better or worse we primarily live in a human world among humans and consequences of our actions most directly get felt and seen by...humans. just because you had a fucked up life (and maybe he didn't i don't know) doesn't mean accountability suddenly goes out the window.

i have similar feelings about an unfortunately prevailing-seeming attitude here that anyone expressing anything not completely in line with an absolute and soulless right-to-die ethos is to be disparaged to no end. some people really have lost or never had any humanity. that sucks, but they don't get to shit on those who haven't/do.

 

[iamanavalanche]

im so sorry i have also been through a similar experience of being coerced into sex for 6 months straight of my life by a partner.
no one deserves to go through that and i hope he goes to hell.
giving you all the hugs and support

 

[Lady_V]

so you're telling me, he had the NERVE to talk bad on YOU for something HE did???

All imma say is he needs to hurry up and accomplish whatever his goal is…

I'm not sure what he told them since I'm only on the gaming Discord. I doubt he said anything to make himself look bad. He would just tell me to remove posts here because it had identifying information he told other people about me on discord.

im so sorry i have also been through a similar experience of being coerced into sex for 6 months straight of my life by a partner.
no one deserves to go through that and i hope he goes to hell.
giving you all the hugs and support

I'm really, really sorry you experienced similar things. Why can't these people be honest?

 

[bankai]

That's pretty disturbing. I hope he sees this post and feels some shame.Unfortunately, a lot of people are really good at manipulating others to get what they want.

The timing of his rejection is absurd. Was he intentionally trying to hurt you? God this is so crazy. Like he couldn't even wait for some time. It had to happen right then and there?

 

[Lady_V]

That's pretty disturbing. I hope he sees this post and feels some shame.Unfortunately, a lot of people are really good at manipulating others to get what they want.

The timing of his rejection is absurd. Was he intentionally trying to hurt you? God this is so crazy. Like he couldn't even wait for some time. It had to happen right then and there?

I'm not sure if he's on here or if he ctb already, but yeah. The timing was WILD. Literally came and cried. I'm sure he was having some big feelings but there's also responsibility and consideration he needed to take here. All of it could have been avoided if he had been just honest beforehand about his feelings (cuz I would have never slept with him LOL). Idk how my dumbass blamed it on myself at the time, but I did.

 

[bankai]

I'm not sure if he's on here or if he ctb already, but yeah. The timing was WILD. Literally came and cried. I'm sure he was having some big feelings but there's also responsibility and consideration he needed to take here. All of it could have been avoided if he had been just honest beforehand about his feelings (cuz I would have never slept with him LOL). Idk how my dumbass blamed it on myself at the time, but I did.

It's kind of surreal that someone would do that kind of thing. Anyway, he's a scumbag, so you dodged a bullet. Unfortunately, some guys see that sort of thing as a conquest. They'll do and say whatever they can to make it happen.Sorry it happened to you.

Do you have an idea about his username?you can check his last online time? You can also go through his post history to see if he has caught the bus or find out what happened to him.

 

[Lady_V]

It's kind of surreal that someone would do that kind of thing. Anyway, he's a scumbag, so you dodged a bullet. Unfortunately, some guys see that sort of thing as a conquest. They'll do and say whatever they can to make it happen.Sorry it happened to you.

Do you have an idea about his username?you can check his last online time? You can also go through his post history to see if he has caught the bus or find out what happened to him.

Ty & no idea about his username. He deleted his main account, but I'm pretty sure he had a side account and kept tabs on me. He was a pretty secretive guy and even hid how much he had ctb ideation but in our last convo he seemed absolutely set on it. Even his Discord went dark from what I can see.

 

[bankai]

Ty & no idea about his username. He deleted his main account, but I'm pretty sure he had a side account and kept tabs on me. He was a pretty secretive guy and even hid how much he had ctb ideation but in our last convo he seemed absolutely set on it. Even his Discord went dark from what I can see.

Umm, I suppose he might have ended up catching the bus. Or it's possible that he's just keeping a low profile.People who do these things usually don't want to get outed for it.


I actually notice a lot of the people that I knew here or used to message have just disappeared from the site. No farewell thread or anything.