trying partial today maybe

[sincerelysad]

i haven't decided. i want to go so bad, so it's not a case of whether or not i want to die. it's more of whether or not i can get over the guilt and shame to start putting the people in my life thru attempts again.
i haven't attempted in so long and im almost .. unmotivated. i know how difficult it is. it's uncomfortable and frustrating and embarrassing. it's so much easier to just sit and rot and suffer, but i don't know how much longer i can put up with all of it.
so i don't know anymore. i don't know what to do. i wish dying wasn't so hard.

im the problem. im always the problem, i always will be the problem, and it would be easier for everyone if i just fucking solved it already.
not only do i want to die, i sincerely deserve it and it's the only option that exists for me realistically. i have to come to terms with this.

 

[SilentSadness]

I don't believe you're the problem, and I think you bring value to the world. That said, life is full of anguish and I completely understand your desperation to catch the bus. It's unfair how much pain some of us have to go through, for some of us there is just no light at the end of the tunnel. If you are going to attempt, I recommend you wait until you're calm and absolute otherwise there may be unexpected consequences. Otherwise, you certainly don't deserve pain or suffering so you are welcome here in life. I hope that you find true peace, whether in life or death. Don't believe anything that tells you you're the problem.

 

[sincerelysad]

I don't believe you're the problem, and I think you bring value to the world. That said, life is full of anguish and I completely understand your desperation to catch the bus. It's unfair how much pain some of us have to go through, for some of us there is just no light at the end of the tunnel. If you are going to attempt, I recommend you wait until you're calm and absolute otherwise there may be unexpected consequences. Otherwise, you certainly don't deserve pain or suffering so you are welcome here in life. I hope that you find true peace, whether in life or death. Don't believe anything that tells you you're the problem.

thank you for this reply, it means a lot to me. honestly, i haven't felt much intense emotion regarding my plans to attempt. my old ones were always impulse-driven, but this doesn't feel like that. it never feels like that anymore.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also really wish that suicide isn't this difficult, I think that it's so unfair how it's not easier for us to finally escape from all of the suffering. But anyway I wish you the best in whatever happens.