Trying Again. I Hope This Is Goodbye

[EnvyTangerine]

Going to attempt to CTB again. I'm not giving up. Goodbye.

 

[a-friend]

good on ya

 

[stoopid]

Good luck, sleep well

 

[Caoine01]

May you have a good sleep and sweet dreams on your way to the other side

 

[Amakishiyo]

I wish you a peaceful departure, my heart goes out to you.

 

[Shivali]

 

[EnvyTangerine]

Didn't work. I survived again. I'm embarrassed that I can't finish the job.

 

[Samsal112]

Do you know why it's not succeeding? What is your method?

 

[EnvyTangerine]

Shallow water blackout. I'm probably not doing it right.

 

[ctbforme]

Didn't work. I survived again. I'm embarrassed that I can't finish the job.

You don't need to be embarrassed, it sucks and I hope you're pain free from the attempt. Maybe laying out your process/what you took can help u figure out how to be successful next time

Shallow water blackout. I'm probably not doing it right.

I feel like that one's really hard so fight SI to breathe again. drownings tough of the body when you're awKe for it, lots of panic at least for me

 

[EnvyTangerine]

Aside from a headache, I'm not in any physical pain. Hoping I can figure out how to do it right next time. Thank you everyone for your messages

 

[ThisIsLife]

Shallow water blackout. I'm probably not doing it right.

Did you follow the protocol in this thread ? :

Shallow-water blackout.

If you're not familiar with the method, all that is required is that you hyperventilate for 5-15 minutes and then submerge yourself in water while holding your breath. After 3-5 minutes you will pass out, and 5-7 minutes later you will be dead. If you are not rescued within this time window, you...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[EnvyTangerine]

I think I'm not hyperventilating long enough

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that the shallow water blackout method sounds like it would be really difficult to succeed with, I can imagine that it must be unbearable to try to go through with, as after all it's like the survival instinct exists just to prolong our suffering and keep us trapped here in this world. I hate how hard it has to be to finally leave this world, but I hope that you eventually find the freedom that you are searching for.

 

[EnvyTangerine]

Thank you. I'm not giving up yet. Survival instinct sucks.

 

[EnvyTangerine]

I'm trying again later today. I actually feel really happy and I'm looking forward to it. It feels like such a relief to know that I could CTB later. I really didn't know where to say this because if I tell anyone they're going to try and stop me. My plan isn't to do this for maybe another 7-8 hours. I just feel so wonderful that I won't have to suffer anymore. I want to go to sleep forever

 

[EnvyTangerine]

Still around

 

[TimetoGo!]

Still around

maybe its a sign its not your time to go?

 

[EnvyTangerine]

maybe its a sign its not your time to go?

Possibly. Although this time it wasn't the method that failed me

 

[bbye111]

Going to attempt to CTB again. I'm not giving up. Goodbye.

i hope it goes well for you, may your "why am i still here" turn to "finally" :)

 

[EnvyTangerine]

Thank you

 

[ThisIsLife]

Possibly. Although this time it wasn't the method that failed me

What was it ?

 

[Shadowlord900]

Do you have a body of water near you that's deep enough for full-on drowning? You could use an anchor to keep yourself submerged and even with SI fighting against you, if the tie to the anchor is strong enough, you won't be able to escape and hopefully succeed in drowning.

 

[EnvyTangerine]

What was it ?

After venting to someone, I ended up changing my mind about doing it at the time I had planned.

Do you have a body of water near you that's deep enough for full-on drowning? You could use an anchor to keep yourself submerged and even with SI fighting against you, if the tie to the anchor is strong enough, you won't be able to escape and hopefully succeed in drowning.

I don't live near one of those unfortunately.

 

[Shadowlord900]

I don't live near one of those unfortunately.

Ah okay. With each of your multiple attempts at shallow water blackout, are you at least making progress compared to your previous attempts? Or is it about the same?

 

[EnvyTangerine]

Ah okay. With each of your multiple attempts at shallow water blackout, are you at least making progress compared to your previous attempts? Or is it about the same?

Making progress. I feel like SI isn't much of a problem anymore, it's more like I get doubts about whether I'm going to not be in any pain and then I stop.

 

[Shadowlord900]

Making progress. I feel like SI isn't much of a problem anymore, it's more like I get doubts about whether I'm going to not be in any pain and then I stop.

At least that's a good sign. But there's also the risk of leftover permanent damage the more failed attempts you make, and that could eventually make you feel poorly/injured enough to not be able to CTB on your own/without assistance. Unless if you really have no alternatives, I do suggest researching into some different methods you can find on these forums.

 

[EnvyTangerine]

At least that's a good sign. But there's also the risk of leftover permanent damage the more failed attempts you make, and that could eventually make you feel poorly/injured enough to not be able to CTB on your own/without assistance. Unless if you really have no alternatives, I do suggest researching into some different methods you can find on these forums.

I'm not really sure what other methods would be accessible for me

 

[Shadowlord900]

I'm not really sure what other methods would be accessible for me

Are you able to order things online and have a decent amount of money? Because if you can and live in a country where customs aren't too strict, there's at least 2 really good methods that would be available to you. The SN (Sodium Nitrite) method which is really popular on the forums, and the Inert Gas method which while more expensive, the components for it shouldn't be considered as illegal in your country and will be easier to get past customs.

 

[EnvyTangerine]

Are you able to order things online and have a decent amount of money? Because if you can and live in a country where customs aren't too strict, there's at least 2 really good methods that would be available to you. The SN (Sodium Nitrite) method which is really popular on the forums, and the Inert Gas method which while more expensive, the components for it shouldn't be considered as illegal in your country and will be easier to get past customs.

Can order things online, but I don't have anywhere to hide stuff. I live in Australia.