Help Trouble fighting suicidal thoughts

[KadathianStr1d3r]

I'm having trouble fighting off suicidal thoughts right now. My brain isn't even wanting to work with me anymore and it feels like it's getting slower every week. I'm having rampant trouble remembering things like names and events that happened in both reality/fiction. Because of my undiagnosed deteriorating state I am becoming depressed which is leading me to believe that I should just give up on trying to become anything in life. It's getting too hard to be human and the thoughts of killing myself won't stop coming. If anyone can please help it will be much appreciated.

 

[Flippy]

I'm having trouble fighting off suicidal thoughts right now. My brain isn't even wanting to work with me anymore and it feels like it's getting slower every week. I'm having rampant trouble remembering things like names and events that happened in both reality/fiction. Because of my undiagnosed deteriorating state I am becoming depressed which is leading me to believe that I should just give up on trying to become anything in life. It's getting too hard to be human and the thoughts of killing myself won't stop coming. If anyone can please help it will be much appreciated.

Is anyone working on a diagnosis for you right now? Have you spoken to a doctor about your state of mind?

What you are going through sounds rather familiar to me sadly. Depression can certainly slow down your brain function and those neurones won't fire when your brain and body are flooded with stress hormones. It's horrible, and that barely describes it when you are going through it, I know.

Are you feeling very anxious at the moment? Do you have time to relax or is there a lot of stressful stuff going on? Are you getting enough sleep and enough to eat?

I can't recommend much beyond talking to a doctor if you can. Though I'm not the biggest fan of "professionals", my experience won't necessarily represent your own.

In the meantime I can send you a link to a YouTube video for some breathing exercises that I have found genuinely quite helpful to myself when I'm feeling like a cat on a hot tin roof.

I've found they can calm down that throbbing racing heart beat and reduce tension. They certainly aren't like the usual breathing exercises I've been recommended in the past.

 

[KadathianStr1d3r]

I don't want to see another doctor unless it's life threatening. Thanks for the advice on breathing exercises though, I'll do those in a short bit.

 

[Midgardsorm]

Hi.

I'm sorry, I'm no doctor but it seems you might need SSRI medications. I hope not though.

Trying to recover while the suicidal thoughts are flooding our mids is really difficult. Be careful trying to use things like beer or anything because it might worsen the problem.
There is a saying: "Writing strenghtens the brain". Maybe writing some things, could be anything. It might help.

But you really should see if you need some kind of ssri med. Also, try to get a diagnosis for your condition, it might help too.

I wish you the best.

 

[KadathianStr1d3r]

Hi.

I'm sorry, I'm no doctor but it seems you might need SSRI medications. I hope not though.

Trying to recover while the suicidal thoughts are flooding our mids is really difficult. Be careful trying to use things like beer or anything because it might worsen the problem.
There is a saying: "Writing strenghtens the brain". Maybe writing some things, could be anything. It might help.

But you really should see if you need some kind of ssri med. Also, try to get a diagnosis for your condition, it might help too.

I wish you the best.

thanks.
I'll write things out in a short while.
I should've known better but I drank half a beer.

 

[Flippy]

I don't want to see another doctor unless it's life threatening. Thanks for the advice on breathing exercises though, I'll do those in a short bit.

Ok, I can understand that totally. If you know some breathing exercises that work for you then by all means give them a try! I hope that they will help.

If you find that they aren't quite working I will post a couple of links that might help. But if you try them, please do so in a safe place, like laying on your bed or in a comfortable chair. There is a risk you can loose consciousness while doing this breathing method. So follow the advice and be safe. Also, don't worry if you can't do the breath holds for long enough, it can take practice to get them right. All I can say is that they had quite a rapid effect when I first started them.

I recommend you watch this first before doing the breathing exercises video...


Ok now you've watched that and you've found a nice safe place, try this...



And if you get well practiced move on to this...


This sort of breathing influences the central nervous system, (hence why it can cause unconsciousness) so it kinda "pushes the reset button" and makes you feel more relaxed. Like I say, it takes practice to get the maximum benefits but it's certainly helped me and lots of others. But I can't stress this enough, only do this where you are safe!

I really hope that you will feel more calm soon and the ctb thoughts will quieten down.

 

[KadathianStr1d3r]

Ok, I can understand that totally. If you know some breathing exercises that work for you then by all means give them a try! I hope that they will help.

If you find that they aren't quite working I will post a couple of links that might help. But if you try them, please do so in a safe place, like laying on your bed or in a comfortable chair. There is a risk you can loose consciousness while doing this breathing method. So follow the advice and be safe. Also, don't worry if you can't do the breath holds for long enough, it can take practice to get them right. All I can say is that they had quite a rapid effect when I first started them.

I recommend you watch this first before doing the breathing exercises video...


Ok now you've watched that and you've found a nice safe place, try this...



And if you get well practiced move on to this...


This sort of breathing influences the central nervous system, (hence why it can cause unconsciousness) so it kinda "pushes the reset button" and makes you feel more relaxed. Like I say, it takes practice to get the maximum benefits but it's certainly helped me and lots of others. But I can't stress this enough, only do this where you are safe!

I really hope that you will feel more calm soon and the ctb thoughts will quieten down.

Thank you. I'll try these
I've just been unable to do anything anymore. I just want to go lay down all day and watch youtube videos, it doesn't make me feel better since my mind is always telling me I'm wasting my time. I've gotten so mediocre I can't even talk to people anymore. Writing is nearly impossible for me.

 

[Flippy]

Thank you. I'll try these
I've just been unable to do anything anymore. I just want to go lay down all day and watch youtube videos, it doesn't make me feel better since my mind is always telling me I'm wasting my time. I've gotten so mediocre I can't even talk to people anymore. Writing is nearly impossible for me.

I hope that they will be as helpful to you as they have been for me.

I can definitely understand the lure of YouTube videos, I've probably been singlehandedly boosting viewing figures for a lot of YouTubers. But you know what? If that's what you need to do for now then do it if you can. Perhaps you should watch some videos about things that usually make you feel good, like maybe ones about a hobby you particularly enjoy, something goal oriented?

I find when I do watch videos about electronics or music, or just general creative things, I eventually get inspired to try to do something constructive. I may not be able to do it for long, particularly to begin with but it helps. Keeping your head in a space you like to be, even if it's vicariously through a YouTube video can be therapeutic in my experience. Maybe even if you enjoy video games, watching some reviews might just help get you into that slipstream.

Depression can cut us all down to barely, bare minimum. It's like it can turn us from metaphorical hyper cars with roaring engines, into spluttering wrecks. I'm sure you aren't mediocre by any standard when you are firing on all cylinders. It's not your fault you are struggling. Depression can take away the ability to be sociable. Take things a step at a time, don't feel bad for struggling to talk to people. Perhaps you just need a bit of "hibernation" with your favourite YouTube videos to recharge your batteries for a time.

 

[KadathianStr1d3r]

I feel better
Here's something I wrote for you guys:

I possible when things end, after a hard watch of a nasty movie does the ending become bittersweet.
Another swig of the beer and I still am wishful
Another staring session into the void and am still wishful
Another trick my mind sets to sabotage me once more and am somewhat still wishful
A million couples happy yet always looking down on me and am losing that wishfulness
Children of theirs in their arms yet still very downplaying towards and close to the edge I am
Alone
Alone
Alone
I need help please, another swig of the beer has me knocking down towards the floor.
Stars rang and the silence finally comes, a taste of that eternally peaceful time.
Sleep is near and I got something quick to say.
"Hey Mind."
"Hey Brain"
"Hey me"
I say before darkness blankets corners.
"Do me a favor and for this time, can you please just SHUT THE FUCK UP!?"
Darkness is absolute and body goes numb.
I am happy and a voice is near before the void overtakes me.
It says

• "Sure thing Boss!"

 

[Flippy]

I feel better
Here's something I wrote for you guys:

I possible when things end, after a hard watch of a nasty movie does the ending become bittersweet.
Another swig of the beer and I still am wishful
Another staring session into the void and am still wishful
Another trick my mind sets to sabotage me once more and am somewhat still wishful
A million couples happy yet always looking down on me and am losing that wishfulness
Children of theirs in their arms yet still very downplaying towards and close to the edge I am
Alone
Alone
Alone
I need help please, another swig of the beer has me knocking down towards the floor.
Stars rang and the silence finally comes, a taste of that eternally peaceful time.
Sleep is near and I got something quick to say.
"Hey Mind."
"Hey Brain"
"Hey me"
I say before darkness blankets corners.
"Do me a favor and for this time, can you please just SHUT THE FUCK UP!?"
Darkness is absolute and body goes numb.
I am happy and a voice is near before the void overtakes me.
It says

• "Sure thing Boss!"

I'm glad that you managed to write something! I really hope they will say "sure thing boss" and you can get some rest.

If you enjoy writing, then it's good to try and engage with that. Even if you just end up repeatedly writing "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK" over and over. You will be channelling those feelings somewhere rather than keeping them internalised :-)

 

[KadathianStr1d3r]

I'm glad that you managed to write something! I really hope they will say "sure thing boss" and you can get some rest.

If you enjoy writing, then it's good to try and engage with that. Even if you just end up repeatedly writing "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK" over and over. You will be channelling those feelings somewhere rather than keeping them internalised :-)

Yes that's very true. Thank you for everything you done :)
I'm going to go take a nap now, thanks:)

 

[Flippy]

Yes that's very true. Thank you for everything you done :)
I'm going to go take a nap now, thanks:)

Well you are very welcome! I don't think I did much, but I hope you feel better after a nap! I intend to get some sleep too so wishing us both some luck there! Take care! Sleep well KadathianStr1d3r! :-)