Tried to hang so many times, never succeeded...

[illAF]

i can't even count the times I tried to hang myself... But I ALWAYS stop when it's too painful, I get soooo scared.
Do you think it is SI ? Sometimes I doubt about myself. Does it mean I don't really want to die ? I think it's just that I'm scared of death + SI.
Anyway, I'm so tired of trying, I always end up crying so much...

Also, there is this bridge near where I live more than 150 meters high, known for suicides. Sometimes I tell myself I could take an uber and go there just to see if I would be able to jump. But I don't even take that first step. I don't know why. I feel that everytime I try and I fail, it is one more trauma to deal with...

Anywat, I've finaly ordered SN so I will see how I feel when I receive it (hoping it's not a scam ). Hope this will finaly be it.
Ah and I also found myself once running on the railroad. I had escaped from the psych ward. The train was coming but at the last minute, I backed up. Why do I ALWAYS back up ???
(This time, I ended up handcuffed by the police)

 

[FuneralCry]

I find it so horrible how it's so unnecessarily difficult to cease existing, trying to die going wrong is exactly what I'd fear but anyway I hope that you eventually find freedom from your suffering.

 

[FloopZee]

i can't even count the times I tried to hang myself... But I ALWAYS stop when it's too painful, I get soooo scared.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I'd been trying and doing the same, it is scary. I hope that in whatever you may decide to do, that you're able to find peace.