Venting Tried to hang myself and failed

[madbananas]

My mum pulled me down and then slapped me around some while I was lying on the ground. Obviously she was angry about what I'd done. Then threatened to get me sectioned but didn't actually do it (thank goodness). Life is hell.

 

[Lilacmoon]

I don't... know what to say. That's like... a nightmare. One of the worst. Here, a hug. God, that must be awful.

 

[Ghost2211]

As a mom that makes me really mad. I can't even imagine how she could react that way. I'm so sorry you endured that.

 

[madbananas]

I don't... know what to say. That's like... a nightmare. One of the worst. Here, a hug. God, that must be awful.

Thank you. Hugs back. She's the "closest" family member I have left but at the same time she'd rather batter me silly (maybe even kill me herself) than me ctb.

 

[EmptyManForever]

Where did you hang yourself? And how did you feel while hanging? Like was it peaceful?

 

[Life_and_Death]

i get being scared and worried about your child and reacting suddenly but that was a poor reaction. i would have sat on the floor hugging my child

 

[madbananas]

As a mom that makes me really mad. I can't even imagine how she could react that way. I'm so sorry you endured that.

Thank you. I had been trying to leave the house and she almost broke my arm in the door as well because she didn't want me to leave out of fear that I was going to ctb (I had been very distressed) but at the same time she would rather hold me hostage, smack me about, not even try and get help apart from saying she will phone the police and get me sectioned (she knows that would completely ruin my life, even though I want to die anyway). I'm so done. I have no one.

 

[Lilacmoon]

It's like she doesn't even care at all how much you're hurting and suffering, so long as she doesn't have to deal with the grief herself. That's just... so selfish.

 

[madbananas]

Where did you hang yourself? And how did you feel while hanging? Like was it peaceful?

Tree in garden. And choking and sick feeling. Was impulsive and did everything wrong.

 

[Cant Maintain]

I'm sorry. When I tried to hang and my mom found me, she took me to the hospital with the belt and threatened to have me locked up and was gonna throw me in there if I didn't fucking "straighten up" and get over this "bullshit attention seeking phase" when i was 14

 

[madbananas]

i get being scared and worried about your child and reacting suddenly but that was a poor reaction. i would have sat on the floor hugging my child

Happens frequently. She's done that since I started having mental health issues when I was ten. Would barricade me in my room but wouldn't phone anyone for help (embarrassment I reckon). If I got out she would chase me down the streets (rather than phone the police) and drag me back home herself. Then she plays up to the authorities when they eventually get involved (the crying starts, telling them she's just trying to help me, nothing she's ever done wrong etc).

 

[Life_and_Death]

Happens frequently. She's done that since I started having mental health issues when I was ten. Would barricade me in my room but wouldn't phone anyone for help (embarrassment I reckon). If I got out she would chase me down the streets (rather than phone the police) and drag me back home herself. Then she plays up to the authorities when they eventually get involved (the crying starts, telling them she's just trying to help me, nothing she's ever done wrong etc).

wow. have you ever tried to talk to her? she clearly has no understanding of your mental state

 

[madbananas]

It's like she doesn't even care at all how much you're hurting and suffering, so long as she doesn't have to deal with the grief herself. That's just... so selfish.

My relationship with her (from childhood) is one of the reasons I want to ctb. I firmly believe that the way I am is because of our relationship. Even other family members have told me that she is incredibly selfish but then next minute they are best friends with her.

 

[madbananas]

I'm sorry. When I tried to hang and my mom found me, she took me to the hospital with the belt and threatened to have me locked up and was gonna throw me in there if I didn't fucking "straighten up" and get over this "bullshit attention seeking phase" when i was 14

Omg I'm so sorry. Living with how we feel is scary enough as it is, never mind our mums having attitudes like that, the people who are supposed to care for us most. Sending hugs.

wow. have you ever tried to talk to her? she clearly has no understanding of your mental state

I have. She acts like she understands but then pulls that kind of reaction when it actually comes to it. Makes me hate her.

 

[Breadbfra]

This is the kinda people that cry on their children' suicide graves saying "how could he do that I've always been a comprehensive parent for him/her"

 

[Silver]

I'm so sorry your mum responded to you in this way

 

[madbananas]

This is the kinda people that cry on their children' suicide graves saying "how could he do that I've always been a comprehensive parent for him/her"

You're spot on, sadly. Hopefully I will get to the point where I can ctb.

 

[Sherri]

im a mum, and if my son did that, I would just hug him and cry with him. I'm sorry she acted this way. A big warm hug to you.

 

[madbananas]

I'm so sorry your mum responded to you in this way

Thank you. It's really difficult knowing I don't have anyone in my life. Even the "professionals" just make me feel like sh*t

im a mum, and if my son did that, I would just hug him and cry with him. I'm sorry she acted this way. A big warm hug to you.

Thank you. And it sounds like you're a good mum wish I got the same reaction from my mum

 

[soggyweeetabix]

That's awful. You shouldn't have been treated like that. Sending a virtual hug your way.

 

[madbananas]

That's awful. You shouldn't have been treated like that. Sending a virtual hug your way.

Thank you. I'd rather have the sweet embrace of death lol but a virtual hug is still great and much appreciated!

 

[Ghost2211]

Thank you. I had been trying to leave the house and she almost broke my arm in the door as well because she didn't want me to leave out of fear that I was going to ctb (I had been very distressed) but at the same time she would rather hold me hostage, smack me about, not even try and get help apart from saying she will phone the police and get me sectioned (she knows that would completely ruin my life, even though I want to die anyway). I'm so done. I have no one.

She sounds really abusive. Have you considered talking to domestic violence assistance people or the police? Also, are you sure you wouldn't be less suicidal away from such abuse?

 

[madbananas]

She sounds really abusive. Have you considered talking to domestic violence assistance people or the police? Also, are you sure you wouldn't be less suicidal away from such abuse?

We have become co-dependent. I'm dependent on her for financial help as I can't afford a place of my own to stay though shouldn't be too long before that changes. Also, I have absolutely no one else in my life. So as weird as it probably sounds I will probably just stay in the meantime. I have another huge issue that won't change even if I leave the house so I'll just be even more isolated and in despair. Just hoping I get the guts to ctb soon. Death is all I want now, I'm just scared of doing it (also lack the energy to do pretty much anything the now).