Venting Tried suspension multiple times...I just want out

[AbandonedGirl]

I am at my wits end. Attempted for a job cuz I am ashamed to be laughed at that at 27 I have no job and nothing to my name but after an interview and basically hopes up I got mail few days ago that they found someone better. Of course they did. I wouldn't hire me either. I tried to CTB multiple times, even my psychiatrist is fed up with my BPD and Depression that she refuses to change my meds or anything, tells me to go take walks. I did I swear I tried. But poverty, all deaths in my family I am just so tired. Only way I can CTB at this point is partial hanging with some electrical cable I have lying in the shed behind my house and I always failed. I can't buy SN here, and I have no money nor courage to stand in front of the train plus I don't want my grandmother, my only family left to have to identify my soupy remains on the tracks. I would love to put a bag over my head, write not to open beg her not to and call the police and do it but she is a light sleeper. When I tried in the past which was some nights ago my coughing woke her up. I am so so tired....sorry for bothering whoever is reading this and thank you....

 

[INYGTRMTFMO]

The job market is BRUTAL right now; it never recovered from the pandemic (and, having been a job coach in a past life, it was hard for most people to find a job even before then). It's not uncommon for even very well qualified candidates to put in literally thousands of applications and still not get a job.

That said, I hope the miracle comes through for you. If you are capable of doing direct care work (ie taking care of people who have disabilities and/or are elderly), the disability field is critically low on direct care workers--most of the agencies I know are desperate for workers and will hire just about anyone with a pulse. If not, I hope an opening comes up in your ideal job and that you are the selected candidate.