Venting Trapped

[Gavr1212]

Thinking about how killing myself will hurt my children is one of the most painful things I have ever experienced, which is ironic because I want to leave so I can just not feel anything again. I am trapped here suffering existence for the very reason I want to leave.

I don't want to hurt my babies. I love them so much. I am so desperate to just not exist anymore, though. I truly don't know what to do.

 

[whyidon'tknow]

As i am not a parent I can't truly put myself in your position but I imagine it is just incredibly painful. The fact that you care so much about how ctb will effect them says a lot about the type of parent you are

Wishing you love and kindess

 

[Soul]

I'm sorry you're in such pain and are facing such a dilemma. Can you tell us about the situation? How old are your children?

 

[Gavr1212]

They're young. A toddler and a young school ager.

My life is not so terrible, not like a lot of others. I have a job. I have people who care about me. I just don't want to feel anything anymore. I think life is absurd and I don't want to be a part of it. I know now these are quirks of my programming, tricks the mind plays to keep me from ending existence. It's part of why humans exist today. I just wish I could overcome that.

 

[Person]

Thinking about how killing myself will hurt my children is one of the most painful things I have ever experienced, which is ironic because I want to leave so I can just not feel anything again. I am trapped here suffering existence for the very reason I want to leave.

I don't want to hurt my babies. I love them so much. I am so desperate to just not exist anymore, though. I truly don't know what to do.

I am in exactly the same boat and it's tearing me apart from the soul. I'm so sorry, I wish I had advice to give.

 

[Soul]

Did something happen that led you to feel life is absurd, @Gavr1212? (I ask because having young children seems to indicate you haven't felt that way for more than a few years.) Are you raising them on your own? Do you have people you can talk with openly about how you feel?

 

[Theon]

I feel trapped as well. Different circumstances for me, I don't have kids. But then, at this point, I really don't have anyone. I literally feel like I wanna crawl out of my own skin 24/7. I barely sleep, only get like 3, 3.5 hours a night max all broken up. That's the only respite I get is when I'm dreaming. Usually, unless it's a nightmare. I just want to end it all.