Venting Trapped in a life I hate with no way out

[ratpudding]

I'm disabled, so I can't work. I only have contact with one family member, and she's made it clear I can't stay with her if something happens to me. The place I'm living in currently is awful, partially because of my landlord and partially my own fault. I can never seem to keep places i live clean when I live on my own. I hate living on my own. Since I'm low income from being on disability I can't just move somewhere nicer. I can't live with my grandma. I can't live with my boyfriend (he wants to live with me but can't because of his dad)
There's no way for me to make more money to have any hope of a better life... The only way I could live with my boyfriend is if his dad passed away which I don't want, obviously. But he won't change his mind on me living with them. So I'll never be able to afford to live somewhere nicer or even just decent. If something happened and I got evicted or lost my home another way I would be fucked. I don't even have a license so I can't drive and go anywhere on my own and can't afford uber/lyft so I have to schedule appointments with my grandma driving me.

I can't CTB because I don't feel like I can put my boyfriend through that but he deserves someone better than me anyways. I don't think anyone else would miss me. Maybe my grandma and friends would be sad for a while but they'd get over it and be better off without me probably.

I just want to be gone. I have no say in how my life goes. I just have to wait for things to work out but they never will. It feels awful just waiting for someone to potentially die as the only way for me to move out of here. Even if/when I get my license I'll never be able to afford a car. I had 2 dollars in my bank account for 2 weeks because I barely get enough money to survive and I can't even do anything about getting more money. Even if somehow I got a job, no doubt I'd get fired after losing my benefits and have to reapply, a months long process with tons of appointments I cant even drive to on my own, and I'd lose my housing in the process.

I just have to sit and wait. For something to get better for me. I know it never will. I love my boyfriend but I hope he'll break up with me so I can finally just end it and stop being a burden to everyone. He probably won't even if he wants to because he knows I'll CTB if he does. He's the only reason I haven't done it yet. I wish I had more control over my life but I'm just trapped and I hate it so much
Honestly, if I could, I would just cook myself up a really good last meal, withdraw the rest of my money in my account so my boyfriend could have it and just end it tonight. I want it to be over so bad. I'm so fucking miserable all the time and I can't even talk about it because it just makes people sad. I don't even know why people would be sad over me dying. I'm literally worthless and just make everything worse with everyone I know. I'm a burden to my grandma and my boyfriend, and I don't even think my friends really like me, they just don't want to be mean by kicking me out of the friend group. Everyone would be better off with me gone but I can't seem to bring myself to just end it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are in this situation. It is awful when everything is hopeless. Life is just so horrible. Whatever happens, I wish you the best. I hope you find peace and freedom from suffering.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

But nobody hates you more than yourself. Hell, you hate yourself so much, you have convinced yourself that other people do too and any kindness shown towards you is either pity or has an ulterior motive. To be honest? There probably ARE people in your life who care about you simply because. No outside reason or pity, they just do. That said, if you ever feel the need to vent to someone who will just listen and not judge, I am here.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

Hell, you hate yourself so much, you have convinced yourself that other people do too and any kindness shown towards you is either pity or has an ulterior motive. To be honest? There probably ARE people in your life who care about you simply because. No outside reason or pity, they just do.

This is a presumptuous claim without knowing the specifics of someone's life. Unfortunately there are some of us who have no one in this world.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

This is a presumptuous claim without knowing the specifics of someone's life. Unfortunately there are some of us who have no one in this world.

Well excuse me.

 

[ajdhabajdyst]

I'm sorry dude. I wish you luck with whatever you end up choosing, and I hope you find peace.

 

[ihatemylife]

If have poor health and no support you are truly fucked. Its horrible being so limited on choices and literally having no way out besides just ending if all. Every descion I make everyday is dictated by my body limitations and lack of money. An inescapable nightmare. Trapped, just trapped.

 

[OpheliasFlowers]

If have poor health and no support you are truly fucked. Its horrible being so limited on choices and literally having no way out besides just ending if all. Every descion I make everyday is dictated by my body limitations and lack of money. An inescapable nightmare. Trapped, just trapped.

I am the same My life also is dictated by my poor health, no money/income/savings, but also by my spouse who makes all the decisions even when I beg and plead for him to do something to help change the circumstances of my life (for ex., we live in a hellhole. It's negatively affected my health, mental health, worsenend my depression and anxiety, and isolated me from the few people in my hometown I might be able to re-establish relationships with. I've wanted to move back to my hometown for at least 15 yrs but there's always a reason why 'it's not possible' or 'thats a dumb/bad idea'. It's that he hasn't wanted to move so too bad for me, since I have no other options or alternative ways of doing it myself). Being stuck where you are when you know it's destroying you literally and figuratively and there's NOTHING you can do yourself to change it, and NO ONE to help you as a support system leaves you as you said...TRULY FUCKED. I'm tired of feeling like a a trapped animal with only one way out. And my heart goes out to everyone in similar situations. I'm so sorry. This ISN'T LIVING, it's just torture. :(

 

[Midgardsorm]

I am the same My life also is dictated by my poor health, no money/income/savings, but also by my spouse who makes all the decisions even when I beg and plead for him to do something to help change the circumstances of my life (for ex., we live in a hellhole. It's negatively affected my health, mental health, worsenend my depression and anxiety, and isolated me from the few people in my hometown I might be able to re-establish relationships with. I've wanted to move back to my hometown for at least 15 yrs but there's always a reason why 'it's not possible' or 'thats a dumb/bad idea'. It's that he hasn't wanted to move so too bad for me, since I have no other options or alternative ways of doing it myself). Being stuck where you are when you know it's destroying you literally and figuratively and there's NOTHING you can do yourself to change it, and NO ONE to help you as a support system leaves you as you said...TRULY FUCKED. I'm tired of feeling like a a trapped animal with only one way out. And my heart goes out to everyone in similar situations. I'm so sorry. This ISN'T LIVING, it's just torture. :(

Your post resonates a lot within me. I'm very sorry for what is happening to you.

In 2016 some things happened worsened the traumas of my past, although I begged for some other place to stay, raised my bid much over the top of what I could actually afford, looked everywhere and tried to deal with countless people for a stay in another place even for a couple of months, I couldn't have it. I had to remain here which worsened my Anxiety, lead to a very troublesome OCD that ultimately made me need very potent medications and might be the reason that I developed breathing issues and now, panic crisis and trauma.

Neglecting fears and feelings is one of the most barbaric things one can do to another, especially for a loved one. I'm deeply sorry that you had to go through this. The worse is knowing that some or even most of our problems could actually be prevented.

I hope there is some light at the end of the tunnel for you and for me. As it stands, it's really difficult and dangerous to even hope on it.

 

[ihatemylife]

I am the same My life also is dictated by my poor health, no money/income/savings, but also by my spouse who makes all the decisions even when I beg and plead for him to do something to help change the circumstances of my life (for ex., we live in a hellhole. It's negatively affected my health, mental health, worsenend my depression and anxiety, and isolated me from the few people in my hometown I might be able to re-establish relationships with. I've wanted to move back to my hometown for at least 15 yrs but there's always a reason why 'it's not possible' or 'thats a dumb/bad idea'. It's that he hasn't wanted to move so too bad for me, since I have no other options or alternative ways of doing it myself). Being stuck where you are when you know it's destroying you literally and figuratively and there's NOTHING you can do yourself to change it, and NO ONE to help you as a support system leaves you as you said...TRULY FUCKED. I'm tired of feeling like a a trapped animal with only one way out. And my heart goes out to everyone in similar situations. I'm so sorry. This ISN'T LIVING, it's just torture. :(

I also have a partner who cares nothing about me. He even cheated on me when I became ill and am forced to stay for financial reasons. The stress of having to keep the anger towards him bottled inside makes things even worse. I get 100% how you feel. Every move made in life is like its being dictated by an outside force that you are powerless to change.

 

[Kennish]

I also feel like I'm a burden. I live with my aunt now and I can't stand being in my own body. There is something wrong with my body psychical, I'm sure of it. They say it's OCD but I don't believe it's all OCD. I'm done with life I think. I have SN, would rather go with N though. I feel sick all the time. I hate my skinny legs because it doesn't make me feel right in clothes. I'm cold the most of the time. Or I'm hot. My skin in my face is fucked up and oily and sweaty. And I seriously hate my body. It's like it was a mistake putting me in this body from the beginning. My condition makes me unable to enjoy anything.

I want to end myself all the time. And I keep fucking things up.

I have this weird sensation in body, it's like I'm dying from the inside. I have weird taste in my mouth, like death or something. Nothing is comfortable to me. Now they want me to get on antipsychotics and step out of antidepressants. I don't believe it's in my head. I think it's psychical.

I seriously hate my body.

 

[Midgardsorm]

I also feel like I'm a burden. I live with my aunt now and I can't stand being in my own body. There is something wrong with my body psychical, I'm sure of it. They say it's OCD but I don't believe it's all OCD. I'm done with life I think. I have SN, would rather go with N though. I feel sick all the time. I hate my skinny legs because it doesn't make me feel right in clothes. I'm cold the most of the time. Or I'm hot. My skin in my face is fucked up and oily and sweaty. And I seriously hate my body. It's like it was a mistake putting me in this body from the beginning. My condition makes me unable to enjoy anything.

I want to end myself all the time. And I keep fucking things up.

I have this weird sensation in body, it's like I'm dying from the inside. I have weird taste in my mouth, like death or something. Nothing is comfortable to me. Now they want me to get on antipsychotics and step out of antidepressants. I don't believe it's in my head. I think it's psychical.

I seriously hate my body.

Clearly medicine already know everything about the human body. Everything about condition, proteins, cells, enzymes.

Clearly if the godly intelligence of the doctor didn't found out what's wrong with you, it's because there's nothing wrong with you.

Clearly that leaves only one possibility, it must be in your head.

Clearly some mindfullness, antidepressants and a 1 hour chat with someone reading a book will heal whatever problem you have.

 

[Kennish]

Clearly medicine already know everything about the human body. Everything about condition, proteins, cells, enzymes.

Clearly if the godly intelligence of the doctor didn't found out what's wrong with you, it's because there's nothing wrong with you.

Clearly that leaves only one possibility, it must be in your head.

Clearly some mindfullness, antidepressants and a 1 hour chat with someone reading a book will heal whatever problem you have.

Are you being sarcastic? I truly believe there's something psychical wrong with me. From the start I don't believe it was meant for me to be in this body.

 

[Midgardsorm]

Are you being sarcastic? I truly believe there's something psychical wrong with me. From the start I don't believe it was meant for me to be in this body.

Of course I am. Don't worry ^^

 

[Kennish]

Of course I am. Don't worry ^^

I thought so, just had to be sure. You know my doctor said several times that she didn't know what to do. The medical world doesn't know alot about our bodies.

Here's hoping for an alien life force coming and giving us advanced technologies so we can get healed in this hell hole

 

[supermario]

I also feel like I'm a burden. I live with my aunt now and I can't stand being in my own body. There is something wrong with my body psychical, I'm sure of it. They say it's OCD but I don't believe it's all OCD. I'm done with life I think. I have SN, would rather go with N though. I feel sick all the time. I hate my skinny legs because it doesn't make me feel right in clothes. I'm cold the most of the time. Or I'm hot. My skin in my face is fucked up and oily and sweaty. And I seriously hate my body. It's like it was a mistake putting me in this body from the beginning. My condition makes me unable to enjoy anything.

I want to end myself all the time. And I keep fucking things up.

I have this weird sensation in body, it's like I'm dying from the inside. I have weird taste in my mouth, like death or something. Nothing is comfortable to me. Now they want me to get on antipsychotics and step out of antidepressants. I don't believe it's in my head. I think it's psychical.

I seriously hate my body.

It breaks my heart to hear about what you're going through, as it seems similar to my situation. I have this all consuming OCD, and it's destroying me from the inside out. My face is a mess too (oily, big pores etc) from the incessant anxiety that manifests itself physically). I'm always on edge, have difficulty breathing, and can't sleep due to the constant obsessing.

Are you on any meds? Lexapro used to work really well for me before it pooped out. I've switched to Luvox, but it has only helped in a limited way. Before I can get myself to ctb, I'm trying everything I can think of to fight back. I hope you are doing the same. I've been going to temples (some days I do feel calmer as a result), forcing myself to hang out with this one friend even though I'm embarrassed to go out these days, eliminating most sugar and unhealthy foods in my diet, and even are consulting energy healers.

Keep fighting brother! It's the OCD, NOT you! Until you and I decide to ctb, the worst thing to do is nothing.

I'm disabled, so I can't work. I only have contact with one family member, and she's made it clear I can't stay with her if something happens to me. The place I'm living in currently is awful, partially because of my landlord and partially my own fault. I can never seem to keep places i live clean when I live on my own. I hate living on my own. Since I'm low income from being on disability I can't just move somewhere nicer. I can't live with my grandma. I can't live with my boyfriend (he wants to live with me but can't because of his dad)
There's no way for me to make more money to have any hope of a better life... The only way I could live with my boyfriend is if his dad passed away which I don't want, obviously. But he won't change his mind on me living with them. So I'll never be able to afford to live somewhere nicer or even just decent. If something happened and I got evicted or lost my home another way I would be fucked. I don't even have a license so I can't drive and go anywhere on my own and can't afford uber/lyft so I have to schedule appointments with my grandma driving me.

I can't CTB because I don't feel like I can put my boyfriend through that but he deserves someone better than me anyways. I don't think anyone else would miss me. Maybe my grandma and friends would be sad for a while but they'd get over it and be better off without me probably.

I just want to be gone. I have no say in how my life goes. I just have to wait for things to work out but they never will. It feels awful just waiting for someone to potentially die as the only way for me to move out of here. Even if/when I get my license I'll never be able to afford a car. I had 2 dollars in my bank account for 2 weeks because I barely get enough money to survive and I can't even do anything about getting more money. Even if somehow I got a job, no doubt I'd get fired after losing my benefits and have to reapply, a months long process with tons of appointments I cant even drive to on my own, and I'd lose my housing in the process.

I just have to sit and wait. For something to get better for me. I know it never will. I love my boyfriend but I hope he'll break up with me so I can finally just end it and stop being a burden to everyone. He probably won't even if he wants to because he knows I'll CTB if he does. He's the only reason I haven't done it yet. I wish I had more control over my life but I'm just trapped and I hate it so much
Honestly, if I could, I would just cook myself up a really good last meal, withdraw the rest of my money in my account so my boyfriend could have it and just end it tonight. I want it to be over so bad. I'm so fucking miserable all the time and I can't even talk about it because it just makes people sad. I don't even know why people would be sad over me dying. I'm literally worthless and just make everything worse with everyone I know. I'm a burden to my grandma and my boyfriend, and I don't even think my friends really like me, they just don't want to be mean by kicking me out of the friend group. Everyone would be better off with me gone but I can't seem to bring myself to just end it.

I'm disabled, so I can't work. I only have contact with one family member, and she's made it clear I can't stay with her if something happens to me. The place I'm living in currently is awful, partially because of my landlord and partially my own fault. I can never seem to keep places i live clean when I live on my own. I hate living on my own. Since I'm low income from being on disability I can't just move somewhere nicer. I can't live with my grandma. I can't live with my boyfriend (he wants to live with me but can't because of his dad)
There's no way for me to make more money to have any hope of a better life... The only way I could live with my boyfriend is if his dad passed away which I don't want, obviously. But he won't change his mind on me living with them. So I'll never be able to afford to live somewhere nicer or even just decent. If something happened and I got evicted or lost my home another way I would be fucked. I don't even have a license so I can't drive and go anywhere on my own and can't afford uber/lyft so I have to schedule appointments with my grandma driving me.

I can't CTB because I don't feel like I can put my boyfriend through that but he deserves someone better than me anyways. I don't think anyone else would miss me. Maybe my grandma and friends would be sad for a while but they'd get over it and be better off without me probably.

I just want to be gone. I have no say in how my life goes. I just have to wait for things to work out but they never will. It feels awful just waiting for someone to potentially die as the only way for me to move out of here. Even if/when I get my license I'll never be able to afford a car. I had 2 dollars in my bank account for 2 weeks because I barely get enough money to survive and I can't even do anything about getting more money. Even if somehow I got a job, no doubt I'd get fired after losing my benefits and have to reapply, a months long process with tons of appointments I cant even drive to on my own, and I'd lose my housing in the process.

I just have to sit and wait. For something to get better for me. I know it never will. I love my boyfriend but I hope he'll break up with me so I can finally just end it and stop being a burden to everyone. He probably won't even if he wants to because he knows I'll CTB if he does. He's the only reason I haven't done it yet. I wish I had more control over my life but I'm just trapped and I hate it so much
Honestly, if I could, I would just cook myself up a really good last meal, withdraw the rest of my money in my account so my boyfriend could have it and just end it tonight. I want it to be over so bad. I'm so fucking miserable all the time and I can't even talk about it because it just makes people sad. I don't even know why people would be sad over me dying. I'm literally worthless and just make everything worse with everyone I know. I'm a burden to my grandma and my boyfriend, and I don't even think my friends really like me, they just don't want to be mean by kicking me out of the friend group. Everyone would be better off with me gone but I can't seem to bring myself to just end it.

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. I've mentioned this before to another person, but what you could do is start a GoFundMe campaign if you're in a jam. I'm not rich, but if you do that, I'll make a donation. It might not change your life, but maybe it'll make things a little more bearable while you try to keep going.

 

[Kennish]

It breaks my heart to hear about what you're going through, as it seems similar to my situation. I have this all consuming OCD, and it's destroying me from the inside out. My face is a mess too (oily, big pores etc) from the incessant anxiety that manifests itself physically). I'm always on edge, have difficulty breathing, and can't sleep due to the constant obsessing.

Are you on any meds? Lexapro used to work really well for me before it pooped out. I've switched to Luvox, but it has only helped in a limited way. Before I can get myself to ctb, I'm trying everything I can think of to fight back. I hope you are doing the same. I've been going to temples (some days I do feel calmer as a result), forcing myself to hang out with this one friend even though I'm embarrassed to go out these days, eliminating most sugar and unhealthy foods in my diet, and even are consulting energy healers.

Keep fighting brother! It's the OCD, NOT you! Until you and I decide to ctb, the worst thing to do is nothing.

I'm on Venlafaxine right now. It doesn't help. They want me to switch to an antipsychotic called Risperidon. I have trouble being in my own body. It just feels wrong. And most clothes feel wrong. My skin feels wrong. I hate my skinny legs, it's so uncomfortable. I have so many difficulties buying new clothes it's ridiculous. Pants are impossible I'm afraid of. I hate it. I don't understand why I am like this. Why my body is like this.

I honestly believe there's something psychical wrong with me. It's not all in my head you know. I know some things are in my head, but not all. I also feel trapped now. Because of no job and no where to live for myself. And I would love to just live my life. But I also don't have any hobbies and have difficulty just filling the day out. So many troubles you know. It's exhausting.

What meds have worked for your OCD? I don't know the ones you named in your post. Is it for OCD?

It breaks my heart to hear about what you're going through, as it seems similar to my situation. I have this all consuming OCD, and it's destroying me from the inside out. My face is a mess too (oily, big pores etc) from the incessant anxiety that manifests itself physically). I'm always on edge, have difficulty breathing, and can't sleep due to the constant obsessing.

Are you on any meds? Lexapro used to work really well for me before it pooped out. I've switched to Luvox, but it has only helped in a limited way. Before I can get myself to ctb, I'm trying everything I can think of to fight back. I hope you are doing the same. I've been going to temples (some days I do feel calmer as a result), forcing myself to hang out with this one friend even though I'm embarrassed to go out these days, eliminating most sugar and unhealthy foods in my diet, and even are consulting energy healers.

Keep fighting brother! It's the OCD, NOT you! Until you and I decide to ctb, the worst thing to do is nothing.




I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. I've mentioned this before to another person, but what you could do is start a GoFundMe campaign if you're in a jam. I'm not rich, but if you do that, I'll make a donation. It might not change your life, but maybe it'll make things a little more bearable while you try to keep going.

Me and my aunt are planning to get a full medical check. Get all my organs checked and so on. Blood test etc. Hormone test I hope also.

I have very little hope of getting "cured". I want to die everyday. When each day youre afraid of putting on clothes it's just hard you know? It's so hard.

It would be a miracle for me to turn this around. I have backed myself into a corner because of not trying to get my condition cured sooner. Im Afraid it's too late.

You know I can't change my body. My legs for example. They are what they are. And it hurts. To not be able to just live a life. I could work out but I wouldn't know how to put on the clothes for that and getting to the gym and not constantly getting out of concentration because of anxiety and constant thoughts.

 

[supermario]

I'm on Venlafaxine right now. It doesn't help. They want me to switch to an antipsychotic called Risperidon. I have trouble being in my own body. It just feels wrong. And most clothes feel wrong. My skin feels wrong. I hate my skinny legs, it's so uncomfortable. I have so many difficulties buying new clothes it's ridiculous. Pants are impossible I'm afraid of. I hate it. I don't understand why I am like this. Why my body is like this.

I honestly believe there's something psychical wrong with me. It's not all in my head you know. I know some things are in my head, but not all. I also feel trapped now. Because of no job and no where to live for myself. And I would love to just live my life. But I also don't have any hobbies and have difficulty just filling the day out. So many troubles you know. It's exhausting.

What meds have worked for your OCD? I don't know the ones you named in your post. Is it for OCD?

What you described sounds very much like OCD, albeit unconventional. Mine is even stranger IMO, NO therapist has ever dealt with anything similar. But I know it's OCD like I know the back of my hands.

So I was on Lexapro (Escitalopram), and it WORKED for 15 years before I had a full blown flare up. Lexapro gave me the control I needed to not dwell on my obsessions .I had to work on my mind myself first to recognize how some thoughts are my OCD talking, then with the help of the meds dismiss them immediately whenever they popped up. I'm on Luvox (Fluvoxamine), but it's only helping me like 30%.

With SSRIs it's worth exhausting all of them first before switching to an atypical antipsychotic. That's my opinion. While most SSRIs have similar modes of working, depending on the person, the reaction can be very different. When I was on Paxil it didn't do anything for me, yet lexapro did.

If luvox continues to not work, I may try SSRI + atypical antipsychotic. But again, that's my last resort, as I hear the side effects can be much more serious.

 

[Kennish]

What you described sounds very much like OCD, albeit unconventional. Mine is even stranger IMO, NO therapist has ever dealt with anything similar. But I know it's OCD like I know the back of my hands.

So I was on Lexapro (Escitalopram), and it WORKED for 15 years before I had a full blown flare up. Lexapro gave me the control I needed to not dwell on my obsessions .I had to work on my mind myself first to recognize how some thoughts are my OCD talking, then with the help of the meds dismiss them immediately whenever they popped up. I'm on Luvox (Fluvoxamine), but it's only helping me like 30%.

With SSRIs it's worth exhausting all of them first before switching to an atypical antipsychotic. That's my opinion. While most SSRIs have similar modes of working, depending on the person, the reaction can be very different. When I was on Paxil it didn't do anything for me, yet lexapro did.

If luvox continues to not work, I may try SSRI + atypical antipsychotic. But again, that's my last resort, as I hear the side effects can be much more serious.

The problem is I respond very bad to SNRi and SSRI medics. My mouth gets so dry that it's impossible to be in. Is lexapro a SSRI or SNRI medic?

It's my psychiatrist that want me to switch because I respond so much to the side effects of Venlafaxine

 

[supermario]

Lexap

The problem is I respond very bad to SNRi and SSRI medics. My mouth gets so dry that it's impossible to be in. Is lexapro a SSRI or SNRI medic?

It's my psychiatrist that want me to switch because I respond so much to the side effects of Venlafaxine

Lexapro and Luvox are both SSRIs. Hmm for dry mouth, have you tried biotene? It's a mouth wash specifically for dry mouth. For me the dry mouth I experience with SSRI usually goes away after a few weeks.

 

[Kennish]

Lexap


Lexapro and Luvox are both SSRIs. Hmm for dry mouth, have you tried biotene? It's a mouth wash specifically for dry mouth. For me the dry mouth I experience with SSRI usually goes away after a few weeks.

My mouth got literally sand dry. Ive been on it for 4 weeks. It didn't go away. Don't know biotene

My mouth got literally sand dry. Ive been on it for 4 weeks. It didn't go away. Don't know biotene

I believe I've already been on cipralex. Didn't work

 

[Kennish]

Lexap


Lexapro and Luvox are both SSRIs. Hmm for dry mouth, have you tried biotene? It's a mouth wash specifically for dry mouth. For me the dry mouth I experience with SSRI usually goes away after a few weeks.

I also sweat alot. I either sweat or am cold. Or both at same time. That ain't ocd. Do you have that too?

 

[supermario]

I also sweat alot. I either sweat or am cold. Or both at same time. That ain't ocd. Do you have that too?

I don't feel sweaty or cold all the time, but I can make myself sweaty very quickly via OCD.

 

[Kennish]

I don't feel sweaty or cold all the time, but I can make myself sweaty very quickly via OCD.

I sweat all the time. Or cold. Or both at same time. And clothes make me itch.

 

[supermario]

I sweat all the time. Or cold. Or both at same time. And clothes make me itch.

Are you obsessing about something at the same time you're having these symptoms?

 

[Kennish]

Are you obsessing about something at the same time you're having these symptoms?

I am always obsessed by thoughts yes. I don't know which comes first. The body or the mind. I'm starting to believe the body. Because no matter how I feel I have these symptoms on my body

 

[supermario]

I am always obsessed by thoughts yes. I don't know which comes first. The body or the mind. I'm starting to believe the body. Because no matter how I feel I have these symptoms on my body

I watched a youtube video today on energy that I think is so illuminating. "Where the mind goes the energy follows". I'm willing to bet all your physical symptoms are due to your obsessions that start in the mind.

Here are a list of things I'd recommend you try (and I'm trying myself):

1) Go for long walks everyday (at least 30 min, but 90 minutes even better
2) Cut off all junk food (sugar, fried, cured, canned)
3) Go to bed early (before midnight) everyday
4) Don't give up on meds. Keep trying different ones, but DO your own research first on their side effects, how helpful they have been based on research etc
5) Try alternate therapies like hypnosis, ACT etc.

If you need the contact info of a really good hypnosis therapist that does online consultation, pm me.

 

[Kennish]

I watched a youtube video today on energy that I think is so illuminating. "Where the mind goes the energy follows". I'm willing to bet all your physical symptoms are due to your obsessions that start in the mind.

Here are a list of things I'd recommend you try (and I'm trying myself):

1) Go for long walks everyday (at least 30 min, but 90 minutes even better
2) Cut off all junk food (sugar, fried, cured, canned)
3) Go to bed early (before midnight) everyday
4) Don't give up on meds. Keep trying different ones, but DO your own research first on their side effects, how helpful they have been based on research etc
5) Try alternate therapies like hypnosis, ACT etc.

If you need the contact info of a really good hypnosis therapist that does online consultation, pm me.

When I go for long walks, I sweat a ton. Even if I just showered I sweat a ton. My face sweats and get oily almost immediately after showering. My ears even get oily and sweaty! Yesterday I sweated through a t shirt and hoodie into a third layer (my jacket) after a 2 hour walk. That's not normal. And it isn't warm in Denmark at the moment. I was just walking casually with the dog in the forest.

I tried hypnosis once. It's very expensive. I cannot afford that at the moment.

If I do my own research on meds, and read about side effects, I'm gonna have an anxiety attack. Every meds have side effects and it doesn't help reading about it.

I don't know what ATC is.

I appreciate your help, but it doesn't matter what clothes I wear. Its uncomfortable, it itches. It even itches when I'm lying in my bed wearing underpants. My crotch is sweaty all the time.

I appreciate your insight on this, but I don't believe anymore that it's all in my head. I honestly don't. The medical world don't know the half of the deseases in the world. I believe there are many desease that they don't know of yet, and can't detect with their equipment.

I have OCD I know. Because I have constant thoughts about how long or how short or how small or how big the clothes are. And I have obsessive thoughts about other people vs. Me.

But I honestly believe there's something wrong with my body.

I can give you an example on how summer is for me. I have extreme allergy for grass and two other things. My skin itches, my eyes itches, my eyes gets red. My skin can't stand the sun, I get immediate sun burn and get super hot in the summer. Almost as I'm in a sauna. It's like I'm being fried.

I honestly believe my body was just build wrong from the start. But yes, I also have OCD and anxiety. But it's not all in my head, I'm not buying it anymore.

This is no life to live. I have had it like that since I was a teen, like maybe 13 years of age.

 

[supermario]

Hi Kennish:
I'm really sorry to hear how much you're suffering. I'm definitely not suggesting that it's all in your head. I BELIEVE everything you say is really happening to you. I'm just exploring whether it all stems from the obsessions in your head. I know all too well the mind body connection when it comes to OCD. I can for example make my hair fall out by obsessing, or even my teeth to be honest given enough time. It's very real the power of the mind.

Here's some more info on ACT: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4300464/ You can download an audio book version of a good book on ACT called "The Happiness Trap". This story of an OCD sufferer found ACT to be very helpful in his recovery: https://theocdstories.com/stories/i-assumed-that-this-ocd-was-too-weird/

 

[Ch92921]

Clearly medicine already know everything about the human body. Everything about condition, proteins, cells, enzymes.

Clearly if the godly intelligence of the doctor didn't found out what's wrong with you, it's because there's nothing wrong with you.

Clearly that leaves only one possibility, it must be in your head.

Clearly some mindfullness, antidepressants and a 1 hour chat with someone reading a book will heal whatever problem you have.

Thats wrong! All lot of disease arent know what the cause is. And when it comes to the brain, then we only know a little.

I'm on Venlafaxine right now. It doesn't help. They want me to switch to an antipsychotic called Risperidon. I have trouble being in my own body. It just feels wrong. And most clothes feel wrong. My skin feels wrong. I hate my skinny legs, it's so uncomfortable. I have so many difficulties buying new clothes it's ridiculous. Pants are impossible I'm afraid of. I hate it. I don't understand why I am like this. Why my body is like this.

I honestly believe there's something psychical wrong with me. It's not all in my head you know. I know some things are in my head, but not all. I also feel trapped now. Because of no job and no where to live for myself. And I would love to just live my life. But I also don't have any hobbies and have difficulty just filling the day out. So many troubles you know. It's exhausting.

What meds have worked for your OCD? I don't know the ones you named in your post. Is it for OCD?

Me and my aunt are planning to get a full medical check. Get all my organs checked and so on. Blood test etc. Hormone test I hope also.

I have very little hope of getting "cured". I want to die everyday. When each day youre afraid of putting on clothes it's just hard you know? It's so hard.

It would be a miracle for me to turn this around. I have backed myself into a corner because of not trying to get my condition cured sooner. Im Afraid it's too late.

You know I can't change my body. My legs for example. They are what they are. And it hurts. To not be able to just live a life. I could work out but I wouldn't know how to put on the clothes for that and getting to the gym and not constantly getting out of concentration because of anxiety and constant thoughts.

Anyway, how do you explain that pretty a lot lof people get more depressive and more anxious when they take antidepressiva!