Venting Trapped : I don't want to live anymore and I don't have the courage to kill myself

[nopointofliving]

.

 

[little helpers]

that's how SS got so many members. we on a giant "same boat" carrying hundreds here. **hugs**

 

[Onthe29th]

Same, trapped under the expectations of my family in a career that has left me fearful. They don't understand and continue to push me and now I'm going back to school for the thing that scares me. I've talked but no one listens. I live with my family so I don't want to disappoint them to the point where they kick me out but I'm scared. Failure is not an option for them but that is what I am .

 

[SleepingGirl]

Same friend. Though for me I gotta stay here for someone else, or atleast try.

 

[maakies]

I have strong SI. Closest I ever got was an overdose of multiple things that caused seizures and it felt like I got kicked in the ass with a bunch of adrenaline right when I thought it was over. It sucked. Courage is gone. It'll be a while until I get it again.

Same friend. Though for me I gotta stay here for someone else, or atleast try.

Same. God.

 

[GentleJerk]

I feel you. It's incredibly rough. There's nothing quite like being simultaneously suicidal and unable to ctb. It's like a bad dream you can't wake up from.

 

[Depressed Cat]

You're not alone. We've all been at this point sometime or the other or probably multiple times (in my case, surely). It's a helpless and hopeless feeling, desperately not wanting to live and yet not being able to CTB.

I wish you the best, and I hope you get to experience peace.

 

[fox_wannabe]

Huge mood. Tho I am afraid not only of process but also of hurting my family. It is problem for me.

I either die of accident or wait for them to die, which sound cruel. But I can wait, I do not suffer as much as some people on this forum.

 

[Fox in the Snow]

Same.
I used to work in the ICU - I've seen so many folk fail or be stopped in their attempts. I'm terrified of ending up in ICU and terrified of continuing in my life.
Solidarity.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand how you feel, I am in a similar situation. I deserve a peaceful exit at a time of my own choosing, but instead I have to resort to a method that can fail. Suicide is also very difficult as all humans are programmed to survive. I have never wanted to be alive, but yet I am still here. More than anything, I wish it was easier to leave. This life can be very tiring. I wish you the best.

 

[redredead]

Same. I feel like I'm trapped in a hell with no exit. I just wanna not exist. Wish I would get a desease that kills me fast

 

[O_oreo.]

estoy igual, de hecho estaba pensando hacerlo ahora, pero el miedo a la muerte como una experiencia desconocida y generalmente dolorosa me da ansiedad, igual cada dia que pasa es horrible, tengo algunas razones para hacerlo, aunque muchos digan que es por llamar la atencion, pero a veces me acuesto a dormir y no espero despertar, no quiero, y he pensado en como hacerlo de una forma no violento e indolora.
Estoy igual, de hecho estaba pensando hacerlo ahora, pero el miedo a la muerte como una experiencia desconocida y generalmente dolorosa me da ansiedad, igual cada dia que pasa es horrible, tengo algunas razones para hacerlo, aunque muchos digan que es por llamar la atencion , pero a veces me acuesto a dormir y no espero despertar, no quiero, y he pensado en como hacerlo de una forma no violenta e indolora.

 

[Painless_end]

Same

 

[Ta555]

Same.
I used to work in the ICU - I've seen so many folk fail or be stopped in their attempts. I'm terrified of ending up in ICU and terrified of continuing in my life.
Solidarity.

In what way did the failed ones fail??

 

[Fox in the Snow]

In what way did the failed ones fail??

So many.
Found by someone, method didn't work (usually various drug overdoses), 'cured' physically in hospital.

 

[Ta555]

So many.
Found by someone, method didn't work (usually various drug overdoses), 'cured' physically in hospital.

Ah ok so method didn't work was mainly overdoses...that's good to know! Just confirms it's a very unreliable method.

 

[Ticket 2 Heaven]

I want to die so bad but I don't want to have to kill myself. I hate God for not making me someone who would have lived a happy life. I hate this body.

 

[Trattkantarellen198]

I feel you man, I thought that a GUN would be a really easy way out, so after much trouble of finding a LICENCE FREE gun in Sweden, and paying a whopping 2000 euro for it... It was a black powder Remington .44 revolver ...I thought that I was set.

But NO!

After I got the gun, and unwrapped it, I quickly realized I would never be able to pull the trigger. The WEIGHT alone on that MOTHER... =/ It scared the living crap out of me. Just handling it while loading it was a super scary process. I realized so many thing could go wrong, I mean, was 30 grains really enough? 35 grains then? DID I REALLY LOAD IT PROPERLY?!

I could end up blowing half my brains away, and still survive like I read so much online...

You'd think pulling a gun on yourself would be easy, but NOT a black powder revolver. Maybe it's easier if you have a shotgun, i mean it REALLY DOES blow your brains away.

But then I came across this site, and found about about Sodium Nitrite, and that I KNOW in every fiber of my being I can take :) I already have it ordered, am waiting for it, and now all i need is some antiemetics, which, sigh, will involve me going to the doctor this week and pretend I need it for other uses.

I don't want to push you into anything, but maybe you just haven't found the proper way to go yet that you feel comfortable with?

 

[Aboutblue]

I just bought SN and I don't even think I will ever use it. I'm so fucking mad at myself. Why can't I just off myself and get it over with.

 

[Salkak]

Same. Been suffering from anxiety for 9 years. I want to die so bad but can't stop thinking how it will affect my loved ones. At this point I am living for my parents. No other reason.

 

[Trattkantarellen198]

I just bought SN and I don't even think I will ever use it. I'm so fucking mad at myself. Why can't I just off myself and get it over with.

May I ask why you won't ever use it? Am curious since I am so happy about finding out about this drug.

 

[Aboutblue]

May I ask why you won't ever use it? Am curious since I am so happy about finding out about this drug.

Survival instincts. I want to die b/c my ex left me but I'm afraid it's not enough to push me all the way through. I just want this pain to stop. It's horrible being in a middle zone of unable to live a normal life without breaking down every 5 minutes but also being potentially unable to end it.

If I could, I'd have jumped off the bridge by now. That was my preferred method originally.