Venting trans & truly starting to lose hope.

[illvoid]

I don't even know where to begin. I know everyone must be tired of seeing trans threads on here but this is my only space to talk about this. I was beginning to recover a few months ago. I was getting better and starting to genuinely want to stay that way. Then, shit hit the fan. All of the sudden, I turn on the news and it's being overrun by this agonizing war on "wokeism" with trans individuals as a scapegoat. I can't do it anymore. i am out to very few people in my life but now I know I will likely never be able to live authentically as myself. My state has made several attempts to bar both minors and adults from undergoing any form of transition. I was forced to go off my Lupron, a medication I wasn't even receiving as part of gender affirming care (I don't receive any unless a dysphoria Dx counts), but as treatment for my endometriosis. My doctor doesn't even want it to LOOK like she is providing trans healthcare. It's getting to a point where I don't see myself making it to 25. I live in a very conservative state and have had to take extra precautions to erase any perception of my identity. In return, I have become increasingly suicidal. I have no desire to live as a woman. I have no desire to live at all like this. I'm so distraught. i was so focused on my recovery and learning to be happy again. I still try but I'm running out of happy lies to tell myself. The only thing keeping me here is my fear of becoming a statistic. A number. Nothing more. Seeing more trans people on the forum also makes me feel like giving up. I know how this will likely end and I do not want to be around when it happens. I don't see a point.

 

[Pluto]

It doesn't seem like it would be safe to remain where you are. Historically, oppressed peoples have often been forced to relocate to avoid persecution. The political aggression is about to flare up again and we should not pretend that these cultures are any more civilised than a 3rd world country.

The other comment to make is that the only thing that can shield us from the ugliness of the media's culture wars is having good people around us. I'm living in a conservative area too, even though I have a whole slew of non-mainstream traits relating to diet, gender-neutrality, being mixed-race, etc. I notice other similar people do just fine because they actually have support.

 

[Cathy Ames]

Is it possible for you to move to a safer place?

 

[Jolene79]

I can sense that trans people are being demonised. I wouldn't want to live in a conservative area either in this situation. Can you leave?
I used to live in London. No one would bat an eyelid at all if you had a leather miniskirt on, balls hanging out and a beard. Yes we actually saw this. It must be such a different experience to live in a culturally advanced liberal area with a sense of community to what you have to put up with there. It's really unfair. We can only hope the focus will move onto something else soon.

 

[AriasRed]

I'm a trans man. While I have to admit that I'm living under better circumstances that you are, I also experience this desire to just cease existing since the world doesn't want people like me to exist at all. Only thing that made me avoid CTB earlier was the fact that I didn't want my deadname on my grave.

I'm not sure about what else I could say, except that it sucks and I hate the fact that we have to live in fear and be forced to live a life that isn't ours.

 

[Sweet Tart]

I was forced to go off my Lupron, a medication I wasn't even receiving as part of gender affirming care (I don't receive any unless a dysphoria Dx counts), but as treatment for my endometriosis.

This is so fucked up. Are you able to get any treatment for endometriosis now?

Stories like yours make me wish I had studied law so I'd have the tools to fight transphobia more effectively. I'm cis and queer but have trans people in my life who I love very much. It's painful even for me, seeing so much transphobia in the media. I can't imagine what it is like for you.

 

[illvoid]

Is it possible for you to move to a safer place?

Hi! apologies for my absence, was taking care of this very thing haha. I am not able to move immediately, but within the next few years my partner and I have plans to move to Oregon, US.

This is so fucked up. Are you able to get any treatment for endometriosis now?

Stories like yours make me wish I had studied law so I'd have the tools to fight transphobia more effectively. I'm cis and queer but have trans people in my life who I love very much. It's painful even for me, seeing so much transphobia in the media. I can't imagine what it is like for you.

I am technically able to receive treatment but it's only pain management. I'd be hard pressed to find any doctor who would give me anything else where I live. Especially now due to med shortages they say arent happening.

I can sense that trans people are being demonised. I wouldn't want to live in a conservative area either in this situation. Can you leave?
I used to live in London. No one would bat an eyelid at all if you had a leather miniskirt on, balls hanging out and a beard. Yes we actually saw this. It must be such a different experience to live in a culturally advanced liberal area with a sense of community to what you have to put up with there. It's really unfair. We can only hope the focus will move onto something else soon.

I am working towards leaving my small conservative town. Slowly but surely. I have secured a position at Job Corps, a program that provides education, certification, housing, financial assistance etc as it's the best bet for someone like me who's broke in the US and lives with their parents.

 

[Templedrake1933]

Hi! apologies for my absence, was taking care of this very thing haha. I am not able to move immediately, but within the next few years my partner and I have plans to move to Oregon, US.

I am technically able to receive treatment but it's only pain management. I'd be hard pressed to find any doctor who would give me anything else where I live. Especially now due to med shortages they say arent happening.

I am working towards leaving my small conservative town. Slowly but surely. I have secured a position at Job Corps, a program that provides education, certification, housing, financial assistance etc as it's the best bet for someone like me who's broke in the US and lives with their parents.

It sounds like you have a lot going for you and a lot to live for. Be well.