Venting Trans and suicidal

[silentvoice]

I don't think anyone really cares but I feel like I need to let my feelings out because I don't have anyone to talk to about this. I hate myself, more specifically I hate my body. I wish I was born a girl, I wish that I could've had the childhood I always wanted, and I wish that I can look at myself in the mirror without feeling like an alien in my own body.

I tried transitioning and it only helped a little bit. Hormones can only change so much but to me they only mask the parts I hate. I destroyed my voice so that I can sound female, now I can't talk without pain. Even when not in use I feel pain. It's agony not being able to talk or laugh or cry without pain. I can't take it anymore.

I tried living but I just can't when I'm stuck like this. I just want to be free. I hope that I get another chance in a body that I can feel comfortable in, so that I can have the life that I can't have. I'm sorry for wasting your time.

 

[AnestheticVoid]

I can't imagine how hard being trans would be. I'm sorry you have to deal with all of that.

 

[RainAndSadness]

I'm sorry you're going through so much pain. I feel your regrets regarding your childhood and the misery that comes from your body. I'm in the same position as someone who is trans as well. Gender dysphoria is a cruel condition and it makes life unbearable. Regarding your transition, when did you start yours? I've been into this journey for around 5 years and it gets better but life remains a struggle. I've went through pretty much all avaiable options and exhausted everything that's possible for me but I still feel a significant amount of gender dysphoria. It's less, it's not as sharp anymore as it used to be but it's there. And I know it drags you down, every day. It causes a lot of emotional distress and it still contributes to the suicide ideation. Sadly, there is no cure for the problems we face but some of the pain goes away over time. Transitioning is a very slow process but it affects your body and can reduce some of your suffering long-term. But I'm also aware that this isn't a solution for everyone and I understand that you're still in a lot of pain despite the progress you've made. I wish you the best and I hope you'll find peace in the future. I hear and feel your pain and my heart goes out to you.

 

[WadeingThru]

I'm sorry for wasting your time.

You're not wasting anyone's time. Your suffering is real and we are here to listen to your story. I hope you find the find the peace you deserve. My prayers are with you.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

Wish we could swap bodies, OP. I'm on the opposite end, wish I'd been born a dude.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I can imagine it must be unbearable being in so much pain. I wish you the best in whatever happens.