Venting Toxic Positivity

[TAW122]

Does anyone hate toxic positivity? By that I mean people who always look on the bright side regardless of circumstances and situations. They are also very superficial (not all but a good amount of them) and sometimes can be rather judgmental too. With that aside, what really irks me the most is that they are not realistic and not in line with reality. They are sort of living in a delusion. I also hate it when they ignore the reality of the world and are dismissive, as if they lived in some fantasy land or something.

Did anyone experience those people IRL or just anywhere in everyday life? I just can't stand those kinds of people, really rubs me the wrong way. It may be due to the fact that I'm autistic and also logical so the way I see things is more algorithmic and realistic rather than idealistic. Perhaps I'm just a depressive realist here...

 

[OneBigBlur]

I'd say that most people who have lived normal lives are like that and it's extremely annoying. They refuse to look outside of their personal circumstances and believe that we live in a magical fairy tale.

I'm loosely quoting Sam Harris here but these people believe that 2+2=5 out of convenience.

 

[BabyYoda]

I have nothing against my former teacher, but her social media posts tend to piss me off. First of all she's engaged to her FIRST boyfriend and they're so happy clappy about it. So fucking privileged that she never experienced any past breakups. She's so privileged that she has the nerve to post "inspirational" bullshit such as happiness is a choice whatever. Of course you're happy. EVERYTHING IS GOING WELL FOR YOU AND YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO WORK FOR IT. She also has this unbelievably smiley attitude even since she was still our teacher and while I appreciated it greatly before, now it makes me think it's a result of her privilege. Most of the people who post inspirational BS are attractive, popular, young, and ignorant about the hells of the reality of relationships. No, I don't need you shove the idea that I'm beautiful no matter what down my throat. Because THOSE people are naturally beautiful and they have no idea what it is like to be ugly. They tend to share those things because it fills their ego. Not to help anyone whatsoever.

My life is not a fairy tale thank you very much, so it pisses me off seeing posts that make you think it is. 2020 will not be a fucking good year for me and I know it. Those people who insist that 2020 will be a better year are insulting those trapped in the bushfires and the possibility of another world war.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I've met my share of people like this and it honestly doesn't bother me too much. Beneath it all they're usually just as miserable as we are. They just hide it as a coping mechanism.

If they truly are this happy it just means that life hasn't hit them hard yet. But it will, and when it does they'll crash back to reality like a ton of bricks. The happier you are and the more you have the more painful it'll be when you lose it all. Which you will, it's just a matter of time.

 

[TAW122]

@OneBigBlur I like to think they lack self-awareness and/or refuse to acknowledge the shittiness of the real world and reality. Ignorance is bliss I suppose would apply to them.

@BabyYoda Yes, I too, really hate those kinds of people, they spew not only the more cliché phrases around and then only to boost their ego as well protecting their delusional world view.

@Brick In The Wall I sure hope so. At least then they probably wear another mask under another mask under another mask, ad nauseum while doing some crazy mental gymnastics to rationalize their predicament.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

Most of the time it would be because they don't want their beliefs on life and hope/dreams challenged and confronted therefore, they blissfully try to ignore it. Some can lack the self awareness but because of this they try to dissuade you about your pesssimistic view on life by forcing "posititivity" on you.
Social media is where this idea gets promoted really easily as well as the childishness or lack of life experiences as well as the wisdom that people seem to carry on during their adult lives.
Yes I do believe its annoying.

 

[PwincessStepford]

Yes, but in a way, I envy them.

I've lived my life trying to be as rational as possible, and it ending up leaving me existentially depressed and on the verge of suicide. I can't help but be envious of these people occasionally, for they don't suffer like we do.

And in a way, I've attempted to copy these people (I mean, take a look at my profile's aesthetic).

Unfortunately, I don't objectively agree with them, but subjectively, who is to say that they are wrong? It definitely seems useful in a pragmatic sense.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

Yes, but in a way, I envy them.

I've lived my life trying to be as rational as possible, and it ending up leaving me existentially depressed and on the verge of suicide. I can't help but be envious of these people occasionally, for they don't suffer like we do.

And in a way, I've attempted to copy these people (I mean, take a look at my profile's aesthetic).

Unfortunately, I don't objectively agree with them, but subjectively, who is to say that they are wrong? It definitely seems useful in a pragmatic sense.

They do suffer, they just don't show it or express it for fear of judgement or getting depressed.

 

[TAW122]

They do suffer, they just don't show it or express it for fear of judgement or getting depressed.

That is understandable and also, that is a small (but significant) reason that I would still rather be dead than to live in delusions.

 

[OneBigBlur]

@OneBigBlur I like to think they lack self-awareness and/or refuse to acknowledge the shittiness of the real world and reality. Ignorance is bliss I suppose would apply to them.

I think it's willful ignorance though is the problem. They have to be aware to some degree of the suffering around them and the horrors of existence but they choose to ignore it for their own benefit. It's the same as people averting their eyes from the homeless on the street, they definitely know they are there but they don't really care. This short story proves my point very well I'd like to think:

 

[Epsilon0]

I just realized toxic positivity might actually be perfect for me.

Please say "it's not that bad" again ... If I hear that one more time, I am pretty sure a vein in my head is gonna pop and kill me on the spot.

 

[TAW122]

@OneBigBlur Good point and as far as the homeless example, I think there are some people that would like to help, but are unable to due to themselves struggling as well. (Not all, but some people)

@Epsilon0 Yeah, I hate cliche statements too, especially in that case, where they are being a bit dismissive.

 

[greencoat111]

I totally hear you on this and feel the same way. I feel like a lot of these people are out of touch with reality. It makes my blood boil when people say that we create our own reality with our thoughts - I don't believe that for a moment and I think it's very dismissive of another person and their pain.

Like others here have said, I think generally people who haven't had a lot of major problems in life think like this and seem to push it onto others in the same way

 

[WhyIsLife56]

I totally hear you on this and feel the same way. I feel like a lot of these people are out of touch with reality. It makes my blood boil when people say that we create our own reality with our thoughts - I don't believe that for a moment and I think it's very dismissive of another person and their pain.

Like others here have said, I think generally people who haven't had a lot of major problems in life think like this and seem to push it onto others in the same way

It's also most likely because they can't think for themselves. When the world is hell bent on emphasizing that people shouldn't give up or that things will get better they stop learning and losing the ability to actually think for even one second.

 

[greencoat111]

It's also most likely because they can't think for themselves. When the world is hell bent on emphasizing that people shouldn't give up or that things will get better they stop learning and losing the ability to actually think for even one second.

Exactly people like that are great at speaking in platitudes but realistically. Nobody knows if or when alnybody else's life will get better

 

[TAW122]

Just to add a bit to this topic though, I also despise the fact that generally patronize/condescendingly uplift me as if I was a kid/child when I'm having a bad day. This is especially annoying like if I self-criticize myself and beat myself up for my own incompetence, some people say "You're not a failure!", "You're not an idiot!", "You're not xyz label (the name/label I assigned myself to)", etc. Look, I get that people want to be helpful, supportive, and have their hearts in the right place, but (maybe once again, my realism and Aspergers kicking in) I just don't find it "helpful." The same people then get offended and disgusted at my reaction to their remarks, which I can't fully blame them as they are mostly unquestioning drones in society. They keep and maintain the status quo and don't seek to question it or approach things differently.

@greencoat111 Yeah, it's almost like just some niceties and other banal responses in day to day life. They say it without thinking or really meaning anything. It's so superficial and bland.

 

[SlackJim]

In my mind there are a few things to consider here, 1 is that there are toxic positive people, 2 is that sometimes if you are depressed you can be extra sensitive to positive people who are not actually toxic. Reality is subjective and in my mind positive and negative are human created ideas that have no basis in reality. 2 people can be living the same life and for 1 it is positive and for the other it is negative. Being depressed I have definitely got a bad vibe from people who are overly positive just because I'm not in that headspace and it irks me to be around that energy, though I wouldn't say that person is delusional, or that I am delusional for being depressed. It is just 2 opposite viewpoint colliding and inevitably causing friction.

There are however definitely people who seem to always look on the the bright side and have nothing else to say in a bad situation that positive affirmations, 'cheer up' 'cant complain!' 'isn't everything just amazing'. Sometimes that is the opposite of what is needed, I can think of a few times I have spoken to people about feeling depressed and all I get back is things like 'I'm sure things will get better', 'think of x,y and z that you have to be happy about' or 'think of 3 things your grateful for!' when sometimes all you need is actually 'I know this is tough, it's ok to be feeling so low' 'it makes sense that you're unhappy right now, but I'm here for you' etc. Sometimes I feel like these unrelenting positive people don't actually listen to you, they just want to give the right answer, a lot of people try to fix how you're feeling in the moment rather than just being present and allowing you to feel like shit.

lost my train of thought a little I'm rambling now

 

[TAW122]

@SlackJim Your answer makes sense to me. I suppose I would be closer to the kind of person who would just allow me to feel like shit instead of actively trying to push me into a direction that I'm not comfortable with (let alone ready to).

 

[Broken Chimera]

If I'm being honest, toxic positivity is like nails on a chalkboard. I understand being positive when it makes since but when you've just had a bad day/few days and someone comes up and says "smile", I'm like go through what I just went through then tell me how I should feel. Take that fake plastic smile and fuck off.

I'm a realist, so seeing a blind optimist makes me sick to my stomach. Probably don't know the meaning of a bad day or just too stupid to recognize one.

 

[Aonewayticketplease]

Toxic positivity has been used against me as a weapon by people who professed to be my friends.

There was actually a blueprint for their attacks; conversations would start off fairly innocuously with questions about work, they seemed genuinely concerned for my well-being. If I expressed any dissatisfaction with the way things were going or mentioned wanting to move towards something better the rely was "You are negative, positive people don't think like this, everyone else knows better than you".

I can't believe I was stupid enough to have had anything to do with those types for as long as I did.

 

[TAW122]

@Broken Chimera I don't blame ya, I get frustrated at those people too. I think they are a bit of both, ignorant towards reality and too stupid to see it.

@Aonewayticketplease Yeah, I've experienced people like that. Talk about patronizing and condescending attitudes, the lot of them. I've considered just cutting them out of my life as much as possible, and/or if I must interact with them (for whatever reason, purpose) lie/exaggerate about my circumstances just so they would kindly fuck off.