Venting Torture

[Spyro24]

I was doing okay.... my best friend told me she really loves me a few days ago. I was the happiest person ever but skeptical. Then it turned sexual and I thought it was for real. I thought I could finally be happy. I started making plans to visit her... told my parents, my therapist, ...

Then she told me not to get too attached and that she'll always be my friend... boom just like that happiness gone... back into depression. Now I can tell my parents and my therapist how big of a failure I am and they'll tell me 'I told you so'. They didn't even act surprised when I told them about her because they know their son is a failure.

I got a puppy... I love him but it doesn't help... I still want to die. I'm just a toy people play with and then throw away when they don't need me anymore. Forever stuck dealing with my own delusions. I'll never be happy.

I've hit a breaking point... I can't even properly format my posts anymore because I'm just so damn tired. I wish someone would kill me... I've got a bunch of hard drugs laying around... maybe that's my way out

 

[y'ffre]

She wanted to be with you first and she doesn't want to be with you now.
She can do whatever she wants, she is free.
But why are you a failure here? This is nothing to do with you unless you did a seriously bad thing that made her break up with you.

 

[Jrmull1993]

@Spyro24 Sorry to hear that life hasn't been going to well for you.

Hopefully I don't sound like too much of a therapist, but before you go through with anything, whether it's suicide or some other route, be sure to have a well thought out plan. You'll be amazed at how comforting being mentally organized and prepared can be.

Whichever road you go down, I wish you best of luck finding peace.

 

[want2dienow]

that poor puppy...

 

[Spyro24]

that poor puppy...

I still live with my parents and they love him very much as well. He will be safe and loved even if I'm no longer there

 

[justwanttogo]

dude thats not cool at all, if she is your best friend she should know better than to give you signals that could lead you the wrong way.. especially when she knows that youre depressed.. maybe not such a good friend..

She wanted to be with you first and she doesn't want to be with you now.
She can do whatever she wants, she is free.
But why are you a failure here? This is nothing to do with you unless you did a seriously bad thing that made her break up with you.

i really hate this argumentation style, youre basically saying 'we live in a liberal world, anybody is free to do what they want to do as long as they dont diminish the freedom of others' but human interaction goes way beyond this superficial analysis.
in a free world i am just as free to dislike other peoples behaviour, judge them through my moral lense and be disappointed in friends if they act in a hurtful, wrong way.
so the liberal argument doesnt change anything

playing with someones feelings out of a mood is irresponsible

 

[y'ffre]

dude thats not cool at all, if she is your best friend she should know better than to give you signals that could lead you the wrong way.. especially when she knows that youre depressed.. maybe not such a good friend..

i really hate this argumentation style, youre basically saying 'we live in a liberal world, anybody is free to do what they want to do as long as they dont diminish the freedom of others' but human interaction goes way beyond this superficial analysis.
in a free world i am just as free to dislike other peoples behaviour, judge them through my moral lense and be disappointed in friends if they act in a hurtful, wrong way.
so the liberal argument doesnt change anything

playing with someones feelings out of a mood is irresponsible

Of course, we live in a liberal world. And everyone is free.
Otherwise, we can't live life properly. How can't I quit a relationship that I don't want (sometimes It has nothing to do with the partners, love can diminish over time) or end a friendship that I don't want? We can't even commit suicide if we think like that many of us have a family and they will be very sad if we die. So what do you suggest? Living despite unbearable suffering if that is the case?

In that case, she just broke up with him we don't know anything special. Many factors can play a role here maybe he made a terrible mistake that annoyed her, maybe he was very nice and very caring and that turned her off or maybe she became in love with someone else simply. We don't know.

All I wanted to say is that you can't be a loser in life for a single relationship had gone wrong. Your life is more than a single accomplishment or a single failure.

 

[ForbiddenSiren]

You are not a failure my friend! Its easy to tell yourself that. Sorry you are going through what you are, sounds rough as fuck :( stay strong

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like you are suffering a lot, this life is just too unfair. I understand that it's hard to carry on existing when you are so tired of everything, to me life just seems to be endless misery. Some people really are so disappointing and it's awful how others are capable of making things worse. I hope that you find relief from what you are going through, best wishes.

 

[Spyro24]

UPDATE

Took 15x3mg benzos. My mom couldn't wake me up, called the ambulance and the fire department. They sent me to an 'open' facility and injected me with something against my will. I called the police but they did nothing. Now I'm in a closed facility for 2 days, 15 days or 2+ years. I need a judge and a lawyer both of which are available on the 29th at the earliest. The only chance I have is that the psychiatrist releases me tomorrow. Otherwise I'm fucked.

My intention wasn't to die but it is now... I hate my life

 

[Hollowillow]

I was doing okay.... my best friend told me she really loves me a few days ago. I was the happiest person ever but skeptical. Then it turned sexual and I thought it was for real. I thought I could finally be happy. I started making plans to visit her... told my parents, my therapist, ...

Then she told me not to get too attached and that she'll always be my friend... boom just like that happiness gone... back into depression. Now I can tell my parents and my therapist how big of a failure I am and they'll tell me 'I told you so'. They didn't even act surprised when I told them about her because they know their son is a failure.

I got a puppy... I love him but it doesn't help... I still want to die. I'm just a toy people play with and then throw away when they don't need me anymore. Forever stuck dealing with my own delusions. I'll never be happy.

I've hit a breaking point... I can't even properly format my posts anymore because I'm just so damn tired. I wish someone would kill me... I've got a bunch of hard drugs laying around... maybe that's my way out

So girls have sex with their friends without wanting anything serious too? Why can't those jerks fuck each other & let the romantic who want to build relationships get together. Bad luck isn't a failure. Trusting someone while hurting takes courage. The puppy deserves you more. Buy a flesh light for the sex? I'm taking a break from socialuzing. Got abysed & bullied. I'm too old for this shit.

 

[summers]

I was doing okay.... my best friend told me she really loves me a few days ago. I was the happiest person ever but skeptical. Then it turned sexual and I thought it was for real. I thought I could finally be happy. I started making plans to visit her... told my parents, my therapist, ...

Then she told me not to get too attached and that she'll always be my friend... boom just like that happiness gone... back into depression. Now I can tell my parents and my therapist how big of a failure I am and they'll tell me 'I told you so'. They didn't even act surprised when I told them about her because they know their son is a failure.

I got a puppy... I love him but it doesn't help... I still want to die. I'm just a toy people play with and then throw away when they don't need me anymore. Forever stuck dealing with my own delusions. I'll never be happy.

I've hit a breaking point... I can't even properly format my posts anymore because I'm just so damn tired. I wish someone would kill me... I've got a bunch of hard drugs laying around... maybe that's my way out

So... you were friends. She told you she loved you (which, btw, I say to some friends who I really care about). Has sex with you, and decides that she would rather be friends. Maybe you and her aren't sexually compatible. It happens. If she's not going to be happy, why should she fake it. And if you cared about your friend, you would place her happiness above yours.

So girls have sex with their friends without wanting anything serious too? Why can't those jerks fuck each other & let the romantic who want to build relationships get together. Bad luck isn't a failure. Trusting someone while hurting takes courage. The puppy deserves you more. Buy a flesh light for the sex? I'm taking a break from socialuzing. Got abysed & bullied. I'm too old for this shit.

Who the fuck are you to judge what someone else dose. These two tried it out and it didn't work. Sex is part of relationships, and if she didn't have fun, it's not going to work. I would think for someone that's "too old" you would understand how adult relationships work.

 

[Spyro24]

So... you were friends. She told you she loved you (which, btw, I say to some friends who I really care about). Has sex with you, and decides that she would rather be friends. Maybe you and her aren't sexually compatible. It happens. If she's not going to be happy, why should she fake it. And if you cared about your friend, you would place her happiness above yours.

Who the fuck are you to judge what someone else dose. These two tried it out and it didn't work. Sex is part of relationships, and if she didn't have fun, it's not going to work. I would think for someone that's "too old" you would understand how adult relationships work.

We didn't even have sex. I liked her very much from the start, she didn't. She explicitly told me none of this lovey stuff (even as friends). We talked and called every single day for hours and I put my feelings aside which I'm very good at because I've had to do it many times before. I consider her a very good friend and I wake up with a text from her saying she really loves me... just out of nowhere. I said I loved her too and after a while she mentioned she was on vacation and wanted me to be there with her. I asked her what we would do and she straight up said 'fuck'. This continued for a while to the point of sharing spicy pictures.

She has BPD and it's not easy to deal with but I'll be damned if I drop her because of it. She is a fantastic person. I might have BPD myself and I'm also autistic. The only thing I understand is yes and no but when yes no longer means yes and no no longer means no, I get really confused. Shes still my best friend and she always will be no matter what happens but at some point I'm gonna have to start caring for my own mental health.

 

[summers]

We didn't even have sex. I liked her very much from the start, she didn't. She explicitly told me none of this lovey stuff (even as friends). We talked and called every single day for hours and I put my feelings aside which I'm very good at because I've had to do it many times before. I consider her a very good friend and I wake up with a text from her saying she really loves me... just out of nowhere. I said I loved her too and after a while she mentioned she was on vacation and wanted me to be there with her. I asked her what we would do and she straight up said 'fuck'. This continued for a while to the point of sharing spicy pictures.

She has BPD and it's not easy to deal with but I'll be damned if I drop her because of it. She is a fantastic person. I might have BPD myself and I'm also autistic. The only thing I understand is yes and no but when yes no longer means yes and no no longer means no, I get really confused. Shes still my best friend and she always will be no matter what happens but at some point I'm gonna have to start caring for my own mental health.

I'm sorry, when you wrote "Then it turned sexual and I thought it was for real," I thought it meant you had some kind of sexual contact. I didn't get that she just changed her mind. That's not really a good play on her part, BPD or not.

Wish you all the best. Don't let this destroy you. Obviously, you've already been successful in getting someone interested in you. I would be willing to bet you won't have a problem with someone else.

 

[Hollowillow]

So... you were friends. She told you she loved you (which, btw, I say to some friends who I really care about). Has sex with you, and decides that she would rather be friends. Maybe you and her aren't sexually compatible. It happens. If she's not going to be happy, why should she fake it. And if you cared about your friend, you would place her happiness above yours.

Who the fuck are you to judge what someone else dose. These two tried it out and it didn't work. Sex is part of relationships, and if she didn't have fun, it's not going to work. I would think for someone that's "too old" you would understand how adult relationships work.

I apologize if I missunderstood. She didn't seem to have given him a real change, more like mislead him with sex between friends. He thought it meant they were lovers, she shut him down tellung him not to get attached... She sounds like she toyed with his heart. Usually I hear of guys just using girls fox sex. So I think the people who just want to fuck should get with other fuckers and not toy with people who want to get into a serious relationship. He's suicidal thinking that he failed. She's the one who never gave him a chance & toyed with him as a mere dildo, then threw his heart away against a wall. Awful. Pardon me if I got it wrong my english is bad & it's late. But he didn't seem sad she broke up... He was sad they consumed the relationship just to be told there are no relationship. That's brutal. It's considered normal to do fuck friend & one night stands nowadays... But it'd fuck my heart up real bad. I offered my sympaties. That I wish the players could play together & the romantic could find each other. Instead to have their heart broken by players.

No he should not put her happiness above his. He should respect her decision since it's a waste of energy to try to be lived where we are not... But he shouldn't blame himself for her decision to not get serious. He should care about his own well being first, mourn, & move on. She said "don't get too attached" that's mean. He should find someone who welcome his love.

We didn't even have sex. I liked her very much from the start, she didn't. She explicitly told me none of this lovey stuff (even as friends). We talked and called every single day for hours and I put my feelings aside which I'm very good at because I've had to do it many times before. I consider her a very good friend and I wake up with a text from her saying she really loves me... just out of nowhere. I said I loved her too and after a while she mentioned she was on vacation and wanted me to be there with her. I asked her what we would do and she straight up said 'fuck'. This continued for a while to the point of sharing spicy pictures.

She has BPD and it's not easy to deal with but I'll be damned if I drop her because of it. She is a fantastic person. I might have BPD myself and I'm also autistic. The only thing I understand is yes and no but when yes no longer means yes and no no longer means no, I get really confused. Shes still my best friend and she always will be no matter what happens but at some point I'm gonna have to start caring for my own mental health.

Sorry I'm confused. You didn't have sex so I missunderstood... But she said she wanted to fuck you in a vulgar way, so maybe I was right to suspect it was just that & no real love.

Yes means yes but can change into no.
No means no & would be rude to pressure into a yes.
Some people change their mind fast.

I don't get any romantic vibe from her in that story. You can't suceed at romance if she just want sex. It's not your fault.

 

[summers]

But she said she wanted to fuck you in a vulgar way, so maybe I was right to suspect it was just that & no real love.

Are you saying you can't love a friend in a real way? There are a few special people in my life I would do anything for.
I'm thinking maybe she was horny, and felt safe with @Spyro24 - that she could trust him more than some random guy.

 

[justwanttogo]

Of course, we live in a liberal world. And everyone is free.
Otherwise, we can't live life properly. How can't I quit a relationship that I don't want (sometimes It has nothing to do with the partners, love can diminish over time) or end a friendship that I don't want? We can't even commit suicide if we think like that many of us have a family and they will be very sad if we die. So what do you suggest? Living despite unbearable suffering if that is the case?

In that case, she just broke up with him we don't know anything special. Many factors can play a role here maybe he made a terrible mistake that annoyed her, maybe he was very nice and very caring and that turned her off or maybe she became in love with someone else simply. We don't know.

All I wanted to say is that you can't be a loser in life for a single relationship had gone wrong. Your life is more than a single accomplishment or a single failure.

maan youre soo right, im gonna look for a lot of broken depressed people, give them a seeming improvement for their lifes and let them fall again, cause whatever i dont have no responsibility for anyone. especially not my best friend, we live in a liberal society, so i can be the biggest asshole if i dont come in conflict with the law!!
Mind = Blown

im gonna call that narcissistic.

EDIT: TIL we live in a society

 

[brokensea]

I was doing okay.... my best friend told me she really loves me a few days ago. I was the happiest person ever but skeptical. Then it turned sexual and I thought it was for real. I thought I could finally be happy. I started making plans to visit her... told my parents, my therapist, ...

Then she told me not to get too attached and that she'll always be my friend... boom just like that happiness gone... back into depression. Now I can tell my parents and my therapist how big of a failure I am and they'll tell me 'I told you so'. They didn't even act surprised when I told them about her because they know their son is a failure.

I got a puppy... I love him but it doesn't help... I still want to die. I'm just a toy people play with and then throw away when they don't need me anymore. Forever stuck dealing with my own delusions. I'll never be happy.

I've hit a breaking point... I can't even properly format my posts anymore because I'm just so damn tired. I wish someone would kill me... I've got a bunch of hard drugs laying around... maybe that's my way out

Sounds like she was lonely and has issues and wanted attention and then later backed out. Would not be surprised if she pulls this again. So sorry for your pain. It's not right to be treated that way.