Torn

[lanahelp]

VENT:

Hi,

I somehow got on a plane despite pure panic to help celebrate my mom's birthday in Mexico. Once back, I plan to ctb. I don't know how I will survive each day for another week watching my vibrant, happy family all smiling, drinking, paddle boarding, enjoying while I feel I'm in another dimension. I can't see properly due to Lyme and have no sense of who I am or what's real after a 6-year battle. It's terrifying. I don't even know where to go for help anymore without ctb. I have N from D. One bottle.

 

[freedomcalls]

I think you are so brave to have made it there to be with your family

If you opened up a little bit about how hard it is for you, do you think there is anyone there who could offer you compassion?

 

[lanahelp]

Thank you. No. They don't understand. It's been 6 years. I don't understand. I loved life. I'm in bed while they kayak and drink and sing and dance. They all know yet don't know how to help. I was a professor wirh a very fine mind and now, I can't see correctly or feel here and all is 2-D from Lyme. I thought if ever sick, I'd manage it with grace and strength. Lyme is inexplicable and presents as mental illness. All think I'm lazy and need to try harder. I've built 3 corporations and lived life full throttle. Im ready for peace.

 

[jodes2]

Lucky you! Can't believe you have N it's like gold dust around here! Sorry you plan to CTB soon. Sorry you're suffering

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrible what you have to endure, it's awful how life can torture people to such an extreme extent but at least you have the option of N. I envy those with N so much, to me it sounds like the best way to ctb. I hope that when the time is right for you to leave, you find the freedom that you wish for.

 

[lanahelp]

Group: I can't figure out the logistics of how and when to go as I live with my parents. Hotel seems best. If I go at the beach, how will anyone find me?

 

[lanahelp]

Lucky you! Can't believe you have N it's like gold dust around here! Sorry you plan to CTB soon. Sorry you're suffering

Do we know if one bottle of N from D will do the job? Second one was found. This went undetected by my ex.