Torn between surgery and seeking help or ctb.

[mediocre]

I've been contemplating paying for private surgery to get rid of my Haitus hernia for a while now. It's just one of my many problems. I fear I have irreversible damage to my body anyway from years of neglect and poor lifestyle. I am in constant pain.

The thought pops into my head everyday and I get a little bit excited... then I think... what's the point? I'll still have other pain to deal with and it would be easier to just ctb. I continue this cycle several times a day. So I end up in a state of parylsis where I don't make any decisions. This is pretty much the story of my life.

I also have Aspergers which makes things 100x worse. I can't do anything myself I need help. I can't even talk on the phone I am useless. Convincing others to help me is impossible. I just feel stuck in this body and this life not able to do anything:/ I am in constant high anxiety I take amitriptyline to put me to sleep.. sadly I have not died in my sleep yet

sorry for the rambling I needed to vent to my SS family today

 

[autumnal]

I've been contemplating paying for private surgery to get rid of my Haitus hernia for a while now. It's just one of my many problems. I fear I have irreversible damage to my body anyway from years of neglect and poor lifestyle. I am in constant pain.

The thought pops into my head everyday and I get a little bit excited... then I think... what's the point? I'll still have other pain to deal with and it would be easier to just ctb. I continue this cycle several times a day. So I end up in a state of parylsis where I don't make any decisions. This is pretty much the story of my life.

I also have Aspergers which makes things 100x worse. I can't do anything myself I need help. I can't even talk on the phone I am useless. Convincing others to help me is impossible. I just feel stuck in this body and this life not able to do anything:/ I am in constant high anxiety I take amitriptyline to put me to sleep.. sadly I have not died in my sleep yet

sorry for the rambling I needed to vent to my SS family today

Well, personally I would suggest trying the surgery first. It's certainly worth a shot to see if it improves things, and if it doesn't, you still have the suicide option down the track. Do you have any supports in place for the Aspergers, either professionals or family?

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

Hey i'm also Autistic so you can always message me and I'll understand

I'm sorry you are in pain, I am wierdly in the same dilemma, I have been given an opportunity for surgery that I need but then it also feels like what is the point, i'll CTB anyway.

Autism can make us obsessive other things and so our thoughts get stuck in a never ending loop.

I totally understand what it's like to feel useless because of Autism, no one believes that we need help because it's a hidden disability and so it's hell. I have the same battle to try and get people to support me and so I end up staying in my bedroom not leaving as no one will listen. It's made even worst by people calling me lazy or selfish when in fact I'm just a struggling boy.

I hope that things improve for you!

 

[mediocre]

Well, personally I would suggest trying the surgery first. It's certainly worth a shot to see if it improves things, and if it doesn't, you still have the suicide option down the track. Do you have any supports in place for the Aspergers, either professionals or family?

Yes I've always been involved with some sort of mental health professionals since about 12 some nice people a lot of clueless ones. I'm getting a bit older now at 27 and the support drops off as you get older...

Hey i'm also Autistic so you can always message me and I'll understand

I'm sorry you are in pain, I am wierdly in the same dilemma, I have been given an opportunity for surgery that I need but then it also feels like what is the point, i'll CTB anyway.

Autism can make us obsessive other things and so our thoughts get stuck in a never ending loop.

I totally understand what it's like to feel useless because of Autism, no one believes that we need help because it's a hidden disability and so it's hell. I have the same battle to try and get people to support me and so I end up staying in my bedroom not leaving as no one will listen. It's made even worst by people calling me lazy or selfish when in fact I'm just a struggling boy.

I hope that things improve for you!

That's so true about us being obsessive. To the point where it stops us from doing anything! I've been in that situation as you described when I was a teenager. Now I live alone.

What kind of surgery do you need to get? Or maybe you wanted to keep it private.

 

[Soul]

If you can afford the surgery I say go for it. As @autumnal said, it could improve your quality of life considerably, and in any case the possibility of killing yourself will still be there.

 

[GoBack]

I've been contemplating paying for private surgery to get rid of my Haitus hernia for a while now. It's just one of my many problems. I fear I have irreversible damage to my body anyway from years of neglect and poor lifestyle. I am in constant pain.

The thought pops into my head everyday and I get a little bit excited... then I think... what's the point? I'll still have other pain to deal with and it would be easier to just ctb. I continue this cycle several times a day. So I end up in a state of parylsis where I don't make any decisions. This is pretty much the story of my life.

I also have Aspergers which makes things 100x worse. I can't do anything myself I need help. I can't even talk on the phone I am useless. Convincing others to help me is impossible. I just feel stuck in this body and this life not able to do anything:/ I am in constant high anxiety I take amitriptyline to put me to sleep.. sadly I have not died in my sleep yet

sorry for the rambling I needed to vent to my SS family today

Can you get advocacy help, I only heard of it lately, people who have trouble being heard or speaking to health services can get someone to come along and help them

They have it in Northern Ireland, it's a charity, I can't link it but you can google it. It helps especially for people in mental health having trouble getting help for physical health. Sorry this is a bit rambling

 

[mediocre]

Can you get advocacy help, I only heard of it lately, people who have trouble being heard or speaking to health services can get someone to come along and help them

They have it in Northern Ireland, it's a charity, I can't link it but you can google it. It helps especially for people in mental health having trouble getting help for physical health. Sorry this is a bit rambling

I hadn't heard of that but tbh by the time I get in contact with them and they try to help and get in contact with my gp I'll be in my thirties Seriously everything here goes at a snails pace. If you had advanced cancer you'd die of it here before you even knew you had it!! That's how dire the healthcare situation is here.

I do have other doctors that help me and they offer to contact my gp to try to speed other things along but there really is no point. They won't go any faster than they want to so it's quite useless

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

Yes I've always been involved with some sort of mental health professionals since about 12 some nice people a lot of clueless ones. I'm getting a bit older now at 27 and the support drops off as you get older...

That's so true about us being obsessive. To the point where it stops us from doing anything! I've been in that situation as you described when I was a teenager. Now I live alone.

What kind of surgery do you need to get? Or maybe you wanted to keep it private.

Exactly, being obsessive over things is hard work sometimes! I'm trying to get into supported living but it's proving impossible!
The surgery I need is for my mental health (not a surgery on my brain) I just mean I struggle with body dysphoria and so I need it to make things right when I look in the mirror.