Too much thinking.

[NOT]

I feel like at some point I will have to stop planing and just do it.
Mind is useful tool but sometimes it can stand in your way.
If I never try it , I have no chance of being sucessfull.
Maybe its not possible to get every bit of detail right.
What do you guys think?

 

[jake3d]

If you are not 100% sure don't do it. It requires planning and consequences of failing can be really bad.

 

[planmd]

I am exactly the same. I am thinking I have been overthinking (ironic), and now I have to do it very, very soon. I am now considering if finishing some letters, book a room in a hotel and hang myself (I already have the rope) tonight or procrastinating again and leaving it for Sunday. This would give me time for rehearsing with nitrogen and all the equipment that I had initially bought, but now I think... why? I mean, if hanging is effective, I should go and do it now I suppose. I have spent much time researching nitrogen and the exit bag, as it sounded fantastic and very reliable, and all that research has made me think it is a difficult method. I mean, it is good since I have gained necessary knowledge, but sometimes ignorance make you be more practical I suppose. Now I know ways in which it can go wrong and I am very afraid of failing. I don't want to try, I just want to have it done on first attempt. When I hear or read about suicides now I try to consider if all those people were also searching and discussing for a long time or just did it and succeeded... Also, there is a difference between impulsive and rational suicide I suppose, and I am being very rational, but a little of impulsiveness would help...

 

[BipolarExpat]

When I hear or read about suicides now I try to consider if all those people were also searching and discussing for a long time or just did it and succeeded...

With ya there!

 

[bluesky1972-2019]

I was very close to ctb just over 18 months ago now. I travelled over 4 hours to the place and even found the exact spot. I was planning on going back that night but didn't go through with it. Sometimes I wish I had gone through with it and all the pain since would never have happened. I'm still here but I can't shake the feeling that it's something that's meant to be. I've had the feelings to ctb most of my life now.
Does anyone else feel this?

 

[kolski]

I understand how you feel. For me, I wish that the right reason would come so I would have an excuse to ctb. I hate that because once again I'm having to justify something that I need to happen. I'm exhausted but still stuck on living.

 

[bluesky1972-2019]

I understand how you feel. For me, I wish that the right reason would come so I would have an excuse to ctb. I hate that because once again I'm having to justify something that I need to happen. I'm exhausted but still stuck on living.

Yes I know how you feel. I guess I do have reasons but things also to consider. But this feeling won't go away. I've even now got SN, Primperan and Tagamet here as another method. It's like ctb is calling me. Is it my time to move on?

 

[kolski]

Yes I know how you feel. I guess I do have reasons but things also to consider. But this feeling won't go away. I've even now got SN, Primperan and Tagamet here as another method. It's like ctb is calling me. Is it my time to move on?

I can't tell you what's the right answer. In the end, it's your choice. I understand how you feel, because my situation is similar. I wish you well in whatever you decide.

 

[Vidar33]

I was very close to ctb just over 18 months ago now. I travelled over 4 hours to the place and even found the exact spot. I was planning on going back that night but didn't go through with it. Sometimes I wish I had gone through with it and all the pain since would never have happened. I'm still here but I can't shake the feeling that it's something that's meant to be. I've had the feelings to ctb most of my life now.
Does anyone else feel this?

I can relate to your posting a full 100%. Even this morning, while I was doing some daily shopping, nothing special. For a second I thought: 'The world around me isn't that bad. It's me, who is having problems and issues to deal with.'

Perhaps it helps that it's springtime overhere.