Help Too much positivity

[Oblivion]

ive struggled with depression and bitterness since i was 14 (i'm now 30), i've always felt down and fucked up.

Then came the first of September 2018, i suddenly felt good, my mood became very very positive, i started appreciating life and no matter what happened afterwards, nothing made me feel bad no matter how bad it is, nothing brings me down, i'm enjoying life since then and even looking forward to more activities more enjoying foods, my life is not perfect, its mostly fucked up, but i'm still feeling good and i don't even know why.

I wanna live, i am accepting life like this and actually enjoying it, however i have one slight problem which is fucking my life up, its not making me feel bad, but its making me angry and making me feel like a piece of shit, i'm unemployed after i got fired from my recent job after 5 weeks, i was unemployed for 6 months before that, and before that i got fired from the previous job before that.

i have an inability to focus no matter how hard i try, and i have a tendency to get extremely bored with any job i get after some time no matter how much i love it, and i have a submissive personality which is very weak, so i basically can never keep a job, this would put me in poverty, and this would mean inability to do activities, inability to enjoy food i want to enjoy and would mean inability to get things i wanna get like a phone or a laptop or a tv, and i cannot keep leaning on my brother and father forever for money.

i need to find a way to disperse this feeling good mood and positive thinking, i cannot end my life if i keep feeling like this, how can i do this? how can i make myself really bad enough to end my life? how can i just shug in the SN after 10 days from now without hesitating for a moment?

 

[Retched]

I'd say go with the positive thinking flow. I've had numerous jobs in my life. Some of us can't work in one forever. Maybe you'll find something suitable. I can't offer you any good ways to feel miserable. I don't wish how I feel on anyone.

 

[CTB-London]

ive struggled with depression and bitterness since i was 14 (i'm now 30), i've always felt down and fucked up.

Then came the first of September 2018, i suddenly felt good, my mood became very very positive, i started appreciating life and no matter what happened afterwards, nothing made me feel bad no matter how bad it is, nothing brings me down, i'm enjoying life since then and even looking forward to more activities more enjoying foods, my life is not perfect, its mostly fucked up, but i'm still feeling good and i don't even know why.

I wanna live, i am accepting life like this and actually enjoying it, however i have one slight problem which is fucking my life up, its not making me feel bad, but its making me angry and making me feel like a piece of shit, i'm unemployed after i got fired from my recent job after 5 weeks, i was unemployed for 6 months before that, and before that i got fired from the previous job before that.

i have an inability to focus no matter how hard i try, and i have a tendency to get extremely bored with any job i get after some time no matter how much i love it, and i have a submissive personality which is very weak, so i basically can never keep a job, this would put me in poverty, and this would mean inability to do activities, inability to enjoy food i want to enjoy and would mean inability to get things i wanna get like a phone or a laptop or a tv, and i cannot keep leaning on my brother and father forever for money.

i need to find a way to disperse this feeling good mood and positive thinking, i cannot end my life if i keep feeling like this, how can i do this? how can i make myself really bad enough to end my life? how can i just shug in the SN after 10 days from now without hesitating for a moment?

As you say, food is one of life' great pleasures. Enjoy it and maybe seek other pleasures.

 

[whatever1111]

ive struggled with depression and bitterness since i was 14 (i'm now 30), i've always felt down and fucked up.

Then came the first of September 2018, i suddenly felt good, my mood became very very positive, i started appreciating life and no matter what happened afterwards, nothing made me feel bad no matter how bad it is, nothing brings me down, i'm enjoying life since then and even looking forward to more activities more enjoying foods, my life is not perfect, its mostly fucked up, but i'm still feeling good and i don't even know why.

I wanna live, i am accepting life like this and actually enjoying it, however i have one slight problem which is fucking my life up, its not making me feel bad, but its making me angry and making me feel like a piece of shit, i'm unemployed after i got fired from my recent job after 5 weeks, i was unemployed for 6 months before that, and before that i got fired from the previous job before that.

i have an inability to focus no matter how hard i try, and i have a tendency to get extremely bored with any job i get after some time no matter how much i love it, and i have a submissive personality which is very weak, so i basically can never keep a job, this would put me in poverty, and this would mean inability to do activities, inability to enjoy food i want to enjoy and would mean inability to get things i wanna get like a phone or a laptop or a tv, and i cannot keep leaning on my brother and father forever for money.

i need to find a way to disperse this feeling good mood and positive thinking, i cannot end my life if i keep feeling like this, how can i do this? how can i make myself really bad enough to end my life? how can i just shug in the SN after 10 days from now without hesitating for a moment?

I dont think you can fake/plan absolute hopelessness - try to fix your focus, and maybe find a hobby that could with time turn into a good job. sth which is simple, gradual enough, but also rewarding with time - learning a language is a good example. sth which can give you little boosts of confidence, but is not very dissapointing when you fail. I think I know how you feel, I wish I could just thrust the SN in my throat and be done with it, but I'm still clinging to life - I think in this situation it is best to give life another shot, at least for some time, and see if part of it is fixable

 

[Oblivion]

No, not gonna spend life being in poverty, so i can't give life a chance. i only need to go, and to do that i have to find a way to feel miserable and hopeless