Venting Too mentally ill to work

[obei]

So I have an eating disorder and depression (diagnosed) and Ive been so down latelly I can barely work with my family for more than 3 hours. I am supposed to make money so me and my bf can move in together at the end of the year.
I have a plan on how to ctb and I am so close on doing it. My parents have all my meds (im 18) and they wont let me have anything to calm myself down during anxiety attacks so I dont get addicted to them since I already did once…

 

[020x]

It's sad that you're not given the options to find some kind of relief. I'm sorry you're going through this.

 

[guinea-pig]

I'm sorry you have to go through that. I'm in a similar place where I can't work because of really bad anxiety and I feel so much shame and shitty feelings about it. I wish you the best and hope you find relief you need.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be tiring being in that situation, it's cruel how people have to suffer so much. But anyway best wishes.

 

[pinkribbonscars]

Have you considered beta blockers? They won't calm the mental symptoms of anxiety, but they will ease the physical ones. They are non-addictive. I take them.

Also you aren't a minor, so why are your parents controlling your meds?

 

[obei]

Have you considered beta blockers? They won't calm the mental symptoms of anxiety, but they will ease the physical ones. They are non-addictive. I take them.

Also you aren't a minor, so why are your parents controlling your meds?

Well tecnically I can steal the papers from hospital and buy them myself but doctor said that my parents gotta control my meds so it all stays with them. After every control there I get a paper with everything and below says and I dont quote "medicine is got to be given and be with parents"

 

[carac]

Well tecnically I can steal the papers from hospital and buy them myself but doctor said that my parents gotta control my meds so it all stays with them. After every control there I get a paper with everything and below says and I dont quote "medicine is got to be given and be with parents"

Just a suggestion, dont shoot me haha, but have you tried any alternative therapies to help with your depression and anxiety? different things can work for different people but you may not always need drugs although they can help in some cases.

 

[lachrymost]

I'm over a decade older than you, and I've never been able to work because of mental issues and disabilities (ADHD, OCD, social anxiety, depression). I've always been on disability. I made peace with it eventually, but then I'm privileged enough to have my parents provide me a place to live. Otherwise I couldn't afford housing.

 

[Ambivalent1]

I'm over a decade older than you, and I've never been able to work because of mental issues and disabilities (ADHD, OCD, social anxiety, depression). I've always been on disability. I made peace with it eventually, but then I'm privileged enough to have my parents provide me a place to live. Otherwise I couldn't afford housing.

How could you make peace with it? I absolutely despise living like this. It's a daily humiliation being dependent on others.

 

[lachrymost]

How could you make peace with it? I absolutely despise living like this. It's a daily humiliation being dependent on others.

I'm sorry. I tried very hard to work and realized it just wasn't my fault that I'm like this, and that helped. But I totally understand why others find it impossible to accept. I find sheer existence humiliating myself.

While in a compartmentalized way I am at peace with not being able to work (as in I don't get embarrassed when talking about it or beat myself up over it), I actually can't accept being so dependent in general. This is because it makes life without my parents' support (even more) horrific. My parents have a plan for how the inheritance will work so that I can live after they die, but I'm worried it will all collapse somehow. Anything could happen. I rely on them for everything, so I need to die before they lose the ability to care for me. There is no way in hell it can actually get to that point.

 

[Ambivalent1]

I'm sorry. I tried very hard to work and realized it just wasn't my fault that I'm like this, and that helped. But I totally understand why others find it impossible to accept. I find sheer existence humiliating myself.

While in a compartmentalized way I am at peace with not being able to work (as in I don't get embarrassed when talking about it or beat myself up over it), I actually can't accept being so dependent in general. This is because it makes life without my parents' support (even more) horrific. My parents have a plan for how the inheritance will work so that I can live after they die, but I'm worried it will all collapse somehow. Anything could happen. I rely on them for everything, so I need to die before they lose the ability to care for me. There is no way in hell it can actually get to that point.

I know it's not my fault, but I can't help but think it didn't have to be this way. If one thing I'm aware of had happened differently I would not be like this. That powerlessness to change the past combined with the knowledge that everything is stuck this way is unbearable.

 

[obei]

Just a suggestion, dont shoot me haha, but have you tried any alternative therapies to help with your depression and anxiety? different things can work for different people but you may not always need drugs although they can help in some cases.

Yeah. I tried different psychologists and psychiatrists. Gone ip 4 times, so I kinda tried quite a bit of stuff.