Help Too many feelings

[todiefor]

I don't know how to handle any of this anymore. There are just so many feelings washing over me over and over again, it's giving me a headache, my heart is pounding, my body is in survival mode and just feel these waves of pain and dread, my brain just wants to sleep and stop processing all of these feelings. I really need some hugs, I really want to be able to cry. It feels like I'm only surviving because I'm not really living at all, the blinds have been closed for months, I only go outside when there's no other option, I ignore all my messages. I'm not doing very well, I really can't do any of this for much longer.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry. That sounds horrible. What would happen if you did look at your messages? Do you think they'd make you feel worse? Does it all just feel overwhelming? Are you worried they might make you feel better even?

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

sorry you're going through this and sorry i can only send you a cheesy emote. i wish i could do more but i'm afraid i don't know what you're going through and that i'll just end up saying the wrong thing. know though that people are listening.

 

[Pluto]

 

[BrokeN__lil’__girl]

Aw I understand you so much.... That's how I've been feeling for the past weeks.... I know exactly how it feels.... I just wish I could get numb and stop having all those emotions..... I'm very sorry... I wish I could help.... I know talking to a stsanger can't be very helpful, but if you need someone to talk to, I'll be here.... I really hope you'll feel at least a bit better soon....

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really horrible and tiring what you are going through, existence certainly is too cruel. But anyway I wish you the best, I find it so awful how there is too much suffering here.

 

[todiefor]

thank you everyone all your responses are so kind and comforting thank you I really appreciate it. Reasoning etc working perfectly, emotionally I'm extremely overwhelmed. I think I'm having a number of panic attacks or just extremely anxious and sick of feeling this way, it's really no way to live. Im having alot of flashbacks of abuse during my sleep so I wake up having barely slept and just in a total panic. i don't know how to deal with someone who is so maliciously trying to destroy me, when I'm still worrying about how they are eating or sleeping. I just don't think I know how to deal with betrayal and abuse by those I trust the most.

as I get to know people on this site it has been so great everyone's so kind and empathetic and there are so many good loving people here. But as I get close to people I just find it so difficult to accept that they will be dead soon or already. Each person's choice is their decision, I firmly believe that, but at the same time just knowing such amazing people are dying because the world has failed them so hard and they've gone through so much suffering, it's so unfair, so cruel, so senseless. :(.

I just really don't want to be alive anymore we wish I were already dead.

I'm sorry. That sounds horrible. What would happen if you did look at your messages? Do you think they'd make you feel worse? Does it all just feel overwhelming? Are you worried they might make you feel better even?

Just messages from my abuser, just having the messages sends me spiralling.

sorry you're going through this and sorry i can only send you a cheesy emote. i wish i could do more but i'm afraid i don't know what you're going through and that i'll just end up saying the wrong thing. know though that people are listening.

Cheesy emotes definitely helps :) thank you. You can't say the wrong thing here as long as you care and are coming from empathy perspective and it sounds like you definitely are :)

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awww thank you, that's a great hug!

Aw I understand you so much.... That's how I've been feeling for the past weeks.... I know exactly how it feels.... I just wish I could get numb and stop having all those emotions..... I'm very sorry... I wish I could help.... I know talking to a stsanger can't be very helpful, but if you need someone to talk to, I'll be here.... I really hope you'll feel at least a bit better soon....

Thank you so much. Numb would be great although I know many here feel numb and it also sounds terrible.

 

[Forever Sleep]

thank you everyone all your responses are so kind and comforting thank you I really appreciate it. Reasoning etc working perfectly, emotionally I'm extremely overwhelmed. I think I'm having a number of panic attacks or just extremely anxious and sick of feeling this way, it's really no way to live. Im having alot of flashbacks of abuse during my sleep so I wake up having barely slept and just in a total panic. i don't know how to deal with someone who is so maliciously trying to destroy me, when I'm still worrying about how they are eating or sleeping. I just don't think I know how to deal with betrayal and abuse by those I trust the most.

as I get to know people on this site it has been so great everyone's so kind and empathetic and there are so many good loving people here. But as I get close to people I just find it so difficult to accept that they will be dead soon or already. Each person's choice is their decision, I firmly believe that, but at the same time just knowing such amazing people are dying because the world has failed them so hard and they've gone through so much suffering, it's so unfair, so cruel, so senseless. :(.


Just messages from my abuser, just having the messages sends me spiralling.


Cheesy emotes definitely helps :) thank you. You can't say the wrong thing here as long as you care and are coming from empathy perspective and it sounds like you definitely are :)

awww thank you, that's a great hug!

Thank you so much. Numb would be great although I know many here feel numb and it also sounds terrible.

Oh shit- your abuser? Can you get away from them/ block them? If they're abusive- then yeah- definitely ignoring them sounds best. I'm sorry.

 

[sillygirl]

I don't know how to handle any of this anymore. There are just so many feelings washing over me over and over again, it's giving me a headache, my heart is pounding, my body is in survival mode and just feel these waves of pain and dread, my brain just wants to sleep and stop processing all of these feelings. I really need some hugs, I really want to be able to cry. It feels like I'm only surviving because I'm not really living at all, the blinds have been closed for months, I only go outside when there's no other option, I ignore all my messages. I'm not doing very well, I really can't do any of this for much longer.

i'm really sorry, it must be really hard but i'm proud of you, even if you only do the bare minimum or less than that even. not many people would be able to stand a day in your shoes and i hope you're able to find the peace you need in whatever way works for you.
i'm always here if you ever need to talk and i'll be glad to listen.
sending much love <3

 

[Pluto]

What you describe sounds a lot like PTSD or CPTSD. I still have this now, though the most acute symptoms like panic attacks and nightmares are rare.

Realising that a family who had the role of caring for me was a demonic fraud that actually got sadistic pleasure out of watching me suffer felt like a shock as soon as I woke up to it. Not a normal shock that is an unexpected surprise, but a shock that leaves my nervous system completely shot and results in a permanent distrust of others and feelings of alienation from the human species.

I used to have a lot of nightmares about my family and school bullies, up until I was in my mid-20s. They did eventually pass for the most part. If I'd been properly diagnosed earlier and sought support, progress might have been quicker. But psychologists had been employed in covering up the abuse ("identified patient"), so it took me many years to ever try again.

Lastly, it sounds like you need to 100% cut off from the abuser in every way. If they are of the 'empathy-deprived' variety, I can promise you that they will not stop the torment until you are dead. And even then, they'll turn your funeral into a spectacle and make it all about themselves. Your attention needs to turn to self-care now. If parents were involved in your abuse, you might find some support at places like Reddit. Hope you can sleep better tonight, knowing you're not alone.

 

[Huntfish34]

I'm sorry you feel that way, I relate to Much of it.... LIFE, Life on life's terms, this Insane toxic shit hole we live in. Be strong, if Possible.. .

I'm still here, but for how much longer I'm not sure. Take care and God Bless. Always. ♥ ♥

 

[todiefor]

I'm still here, but for how much longer I'm not sure. Take care and God Bless. Always. ♥ ♥

Glad to hear it!

What you describe sounds a lot like PTSD or CPTSD. I still have this now, though the most acute symptoms like panic attacks and nightmares are rare.

Realising that a family who had the role of caring for me was a demonic fraud that actually got sadistic pleasure out of watching me suffer felt like a shock as soon as I woke up to it. Not a normal shock that is an unexpected surprise, but a shock that leaves my nervous system completely shot and results in a permanent distrust of others and feelings of alienation from the human species.

I used to have a lot of nightmares about my family and school bullies, up until I was in my mid-20s. They did eventually pass for the most part. If I'd been properly diagnosed earlier and sought support, progress might have been quicker. But psychologists had been employed in covering up the abuse ("identified patient"), so it took me many years to ever try again.

Lastly, it sounds like you need to 100% cut off from the abuser in every way. If they are of the 'empathy-deprived' variety, I can promise you that they will not stop the torment until you are dead. And even then, they'll turn your funeral into a spectacle and make it all about themselves. Your attention needs to turn to self-care now. If parents were involved in your abuse, you might find some support at places like Reddit. Hope you can sleep better tonight, knowing you're not alone.

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Thank you @Pluto for such a thoughtful response, I think u might be right, cptsd perhaps, I have definitely had the most unexpected betrayal of the worst kind as you say, I'll look into it. I'm sorry about your family and what u went through and the nightmares you had, I certainly relate to the concept of never trusting anyone ever again.

Yeah the abuser, I just wish I can move onto the angry phase so I can protect myself better, I think my heart was sadly born without any armour, defective and defenceless against malicious assaults

i'm really sorry, it must be really hard but i'm proud of you, even if you only do the bare minimum or less than that even. not many people would be able to stand a day in your shoes and i hope you're able to find the peace you need in whatever way works for you.
i'm always here if you ever need to talk and i'll be glad to listen.
sending much love <3

Thanks again @sillygirl that's super kind of you!

 

[HowMuchMore]

Hello. Actually I wanted to post a new thread (since I am new here) and maybe I will do so in a while, but for now your thread was suggested to me while typing a headline. I am in a similar situation and I can assure you you are not alone. I am not sure, if my answers fits your needs or might be interesting for you, but I am unsure of pretty much, so I will just go with it.

All my different and often contrary feelings are quite overwhelming and so exhausting especially when I am alone in places or situations where I don't feel well and / or when I am with difficult people. These feelings are coming with thoughts or ideas of thoughts often. I feel like I am pretty messed up and some things that happened to me especially in the past 2 years made me feel so uncomfortable and disappointed that it feels like something inside of myself said "good bye" and left. Feels like I just gave up because I have had enough of all the dirt that I had to swallow and agreed to swallow. Now I can hardly help myself, I tried to get help quite often (...), but hey, what means help in a world where people too often only help themselves and call themselves selfless while being cheered by "mouthpieces"... By the way: I still can go out quite often since I feel better outside among other people and in different places.

How do you handle your situation? What helps you and what makes things worse?

Good luck for you!