Anyone else feel too guilty to ctb. I attempted before but failed and i was forced to promise everyone i wouldnt do it again. I would feel very guilty if i lied and broke my promise with friends and family if I ctb, but its too painful i just want to die yet i feel to guilty to just leave people behind. But i know deep down they only care about me because its a good human thing to care about others.
MeltingHeart
Visionary
- Sep 9, 2019
- 2,151
Im just jels you got folk that care! the only reason my dad and step mum said i shouldnt was because it would be too selfish to risk someone having to find my body- so was advised to go to as remote an area as possible or preferably to go into the sea-so atleast to whomever found me it wouldnt definitely be a suicide-so in that case it wouldnt be as bad!! sorry just realised this post sounds like a pathetic attempt at worst sob story (i guess it kind of is)-get out a tiny violin! no seriously I am sure you have yr reasons-everyones reasons are their own and unique-is there love and care not strong enough to keep you around or you have too many other reasons that out weight that? (understand if u dont like to divulge)
I have not attempted before but ive made that promise knowing id probably break it one day. I just guilty doing it to my mom.. i dont want her to blame herself. I would love to be able to ctb and make it look like an accident so she wouldnt know it was on purpose
I'm sorry to hear about your parents lack of care. I do aggree that I have some people who care and I am greatful but I have other reasons. However at the same time I know that these people dont ACTUALLY care. They only act this way because they were raises to be nice and help everyone regardless wether they want to which i can see they dont. They avoid talking to me as much as possible. I also see now why I shouldn't care about what they think but it still makes me look selfish.
MeltingHeart
Visionary
- Sep 9, 2019
- 2,151
so many people talking about how sad it would make their mum and/ or dad - makes me sad- i'll never known that love (sorry-get the violin out again- I just cant imagine what it feels like to have a parent love you! must feel good-i crave the idea of it-like a drug ive never tried but wish i could)
I thought of the same thing. I wanna make my ctb look like an accidental death. But it would be hard to pull off and be kinda obvious that i did want to die.
MeltingHeart
Visionary
- Sep 9, 2019
- 2,151
how do you know they dont really care? is it cos they avoid talking to you? any chance they are worried they might not say the right thing? (not excusing it-just throwing ideas out there) where are you from? hope this doesnt sound rude, but English is not yr first language? ( not that I am one to talk with all my typos!!)
Jon86
Specialist
- Apr 9, 2018
- 369
Hope
Guilt
Fear
These are the 3 most common reasons that hold someone back from suicide. I use to have all 3, at this point I only have one, 'fear'. You can feel none of these on a day to day basis but when you 'attempt' they will often show up 'ie. survival instincts' is largely just fear imo.
Guilt
Fear
These are the 3 most common reasons that hold someone back from suicide. I use to have all 3, at this point I only have one, 'fear'. You can feel none of these on a day to day basis but when you 'attempt' they will often show up 'ie. survival instincts' is largely just fear imo.
Im sorry to hear that. I don't have a relationship with my dad but it does make me feel guilty that i have a loving mom & a good home life & still want to ctb
MeltingHeart
Visionary
- Sep 9, 2019
- 2,151
sorry u dont have a good relationship with yr dad, yeah i just kind of wish one of them had been ok/ wanted me or even anyone else-an auntie say or grand parent or someone / anyone that would have cared-makes me feel less than worthless -less than human-like a creature that should have been out down-ha - i wish -then they could just load me up with some N -job done! but on the same note i feel bad to feel this kind of self pity when others have had physical/ sexual abuse at the hands of family members-but then I just feel guilty for feeling so sad for myself-which just adds to the self hatred - its a viscious spiral. sorry-that went deep
Return2Dust
Experienced
- Sep 28, 2019
- 246
This morning I got a call from my daughter telling me she's pregnant and her boyfriend is not happy. They're in college. I'm a total a**hole if I ctb now, but I can't stay either. I feel so guilty.
Kodama
Experienced
- Oct 11, 2019
- 209
Return2Dust
Experienced
- Sep 28, 2019
- 246
Well if you do attempt again and you fail then you will have even more guilt. So if you attempt you better be damn sure it's fail safe.
Other than that if I were you I'd try medication and self development if you haven't already
Other than that if I were you I'd try medication and self development if you haven't already
citysnowfall
the leitmotif of a dead character
- Oct 11, 2019
- 8
I'll never finish my manuscript. I always thought I'd publish my book, then ctb. But this is something that I'm leaving left undone.
Its a viscious cycle for sure. No need to apologize we've all got shit going on
