This was a problem for me too. I am lucky enough to have a close friend who "loaned" me enough money to get what I needed. He bought me a gift card I used to order my SN. I don't feel guilty though because he knew exactly what I was going to use the money for and he supports me. And I decided to leave him my decked Xbox so he'll be repaid, lol. I hope you find a way to find your own peaceful exit, if that's what you really want, my friend