Guys...I'm tucking scared. Tonight I may leave this world using the homemade torniquet method. This isn't an actual goodbye thread because there's a chance I may not BUT if I don't return tommorow, I am gone. I'm terrified of death, but my life has crumbled around me and I'm afraid I'm stuck in this chronic suicidal state which is not healthy for anyone. I've had suicidal thoughts for so long that my mind feels stuck in a permanent state of apathy and it's fucking hell because I try to tell myself I want to live but it's no use. The only people I can be truthful too with these feelings are my parents and a psychiatrist (tho not 100%). I wish I had access to N so I could spare my parents some hardship and give myself one last break...my birthday is tommorow and I'm so fucking sad. Sorry if this seems like an attention-seeking thread. Also, if anyone can provide advice regarding the method or anything in general I'd appreacite it.
Made4TV
A hopeless hope junkie
- Sep 17, 2018
- 574
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I am thinking about ctb in a couple of weeks and having attacks of nerves daily. It's scary. Permanent. The last decision you'll ever make...so a big one. I can't tell you much about the method....but I can tell you you're not alone. Do you feel like you've exhausted all other options? Know that no matter what you decide, we are here.
Pretty much. I left school back in 10th grade because of depression and over the years things got worse. I had friends but I withdrew. I've tried a lot of medications and therapy. I'm really scared of dying honestly but it feels like I have no choice. I'm also so sad for my parents and brothers. My mom knows how bad I'm feeling but I'm worried my brothers will blame themselves.
Sleep on it bro don't be stupid and kys on a whim
You dont want to die scared....I agree sleep on it. You want to go peacefully 100% committed. You have a lot of people here to talk to. Dont feel alone. hugs Good luck. <3
Definitely not on a whim but I understand
Sinbad
Self-Annihilation is loading...95%
- Nov 27, 2018
- 542
Thanks for opening up about your fear of dying.
Your situation is not easy. I GET IT.
Before you play your last card, think of something you could do to stop you from attempting suicide. Really try hard. I bet their is one thing you could do. Go for it, bc suicide is final. No going back to change your action.
Your situation is not easy. I GET IT.
Before you play your last card, think of something you could do to stop you from attempting suicide. Really try hard. I bet their is one thing you could do. Go for it, bc suicide is final. No going back to change your action.
ouvreyes
ｼシ
- Oct 7, 2018
- 131
I'm so sorry you're in this spot man. It's so so hard, that feeling of being trapped between fear and misery. It's rough. I wish life had a prettier cure. You are completely valid and among like minds in feeling this way. We're here for you, regardless of your choice.
Afterman, I think we're in the same place. And it well and truly sucks.
I am really, really impressed: You're honest with yourself, and that ain't easy.
I suspect you're also smart enough to already know this, but to state the obvious: make sure you don't hold yourself to a self-imposed date. They can feel really important, I know --oh gods, do I know!-- but in the end they're still self-imposed.
I agree with the others here: don't play your last card until you're 100% certain you're at the end of the game. You can always catch the bus, but the bus never turns around once you're aboard.
Regardless of your choice, we're here for you.
