Venting tomorrow will be my last 24 hours.

[_elliott]

after a lot of personal problems, i've decided to go through with my plan to ctb. i have everything ready. i will leave 11/11 at around 11:30, and hopefully pass into 11/12.

i have a lot of personal burdens. a bad breakup, and much more that i want to be free from. i am realizing now no one will ever save me. i scream cried for three hours outside today, and i only had people ask me for smokes. most didn't look at me. no one said anything. i don't know if i wanted anyone to talk to me, i just needed a hug. i needed something and no one was there.

i am the only one who can save my drowning body and i can't do it. no one can help me. my therapy ditched me and everyone is getting frustrated with me. i am crumbling.

once you know you have nothing good to go towards, it's easier to make these goals. even those who do care can't help me.

i will be posting in this thread or a new one, very quickly, about my attempt and SN. i was supposed to clean my room and make things tidy before i go, but i don't have much energy. i might try to organize a bit before leaving, but i just don't have the energy to do anything else.

my online friends have a note cued up to be posted 11/20 on my twitter. that's good enough.

i'm sorry, to myself, for being so tired. i'm sorry i don't know how else to save you, but i can no longer allow you to hurt everyone else. to lie. you hurt yourself too, so much, and i deserve better than that. i can't fix this. i really can't. i'm tired of proving how much i've tried. it's not enough, ever. i'm sorry, _elliott. i'm sorry i let you down, you poor child, and i promise you that you will be at peace soon.

 

[NMOP3PISdn]

This made me cry. Our situation is very similar. I feel your pain and it almost seemed like I was reading the situation I am in.

 

[_elliott]

This made me cry. Our situation is very similar. I feel your pain and it almost seemed like I was reading the situation I am in.

i hope you find peace soon. it's horrible, but i am happy to know there is someone who relates.
just know you are a good person, and that the conclusion of your life was out of your hands. you did your best.

 

[NMOP3PISdn]

i hope you find peace soon. it's horrible, but i am happy to know there is someone who relates.
just know you are a good person, and that the conclusion of your life was out of your hands. you did your best.

I am leaving on the 15th or possibly move it on the 13th if i can finish things earlier. It's bittersweet to know that someone can relate to what I am going through. It is also really sad because i know it hurts a lot.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

Wishing you peace.

 

[NMOP3PISdn]

i hope you find peace soon. it's horrible, but i am happy to know there is someone who relates.
just know you are a good person, and that the conclusion of your life was out of your hands. you did your best.

Keep us updated brother. I will be there for you. Also what timezone are you in?

 

[meetapple]

Safe travels.

 

[ikadasui]

I'm so sorry.

 

[plough22]

You are the only one can save your body from drowning, get this day, look at hope that things will get better or possibility. I've had unreal stuff thrown at me unfairly and unjustly but when it's mine, my time, it'll be for me, a peace for me.
Whatever you decide peace

 

[9kevinngannou]

I hope everything goes smooth for you and you find peace <3, good luck!

 

[Kennish]

after a lot of personal problems, i've decided to go through with my plan to ctb. i have everything ready. i will leave 11/11 at around 11:30, and hopefully pass into 11/12.

i have a lot of personal burdens. a bad breakup, and much more that i want to be free from. i am realizing now no one will ever save me. i scream cried for three hours outside today, and i only had people ask me for smokes. most didn't look at me. no one said anything. i don't know if i wanted anyone to talk to me, i just needed a hug. i needed something and no one was there.

i am the only one who can save my drowning body and i can't do it. no one can help me. my therapy ditched me and everyone is getting frustrated with me. i am crumbling.

once you know you have nothing good to go towards, it's easier to make these goals. even those who do care can't help me.

i will be posting in this thread or a new one, very quickly, about my attempt and SN. i was supposed to clean my room and make things tidy before i go, but i don't have much energy. i might try to organize a bit before leaving, but i just don't have the energy to do anything else.

my online friends have a note cued up to be posted 11/20 on my twitter. that's good enough.

i'm sorry, to myself, for being so tired. i'm sorry i don't know how else to save you, but i can no longer allow you to hurt everyone else. to lie. you hurt yourself too, so much, and i deserve better than that. i can't fix this. i really can't. i'm tired of proving how much i've tried. it's not enough, ever. i'm sorry, _elliott. i'm sorry i let you down, you poor child, and i promise you that you will be at peace soon.

I hope you find peace

 

[peach75]

hope you'll be succesfull

 

[Fromhalfwaydown]

Have a safe trip friend

 

[_elliott]

Keep us updated brother. I will be there for you. Also what timezone are you in?

i'm in PST. thank you for your support, and everyone else's support as well.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really is painful to be in a hopeless situation. I wish you the best with your plans. I hope you find peace and freedom from suffering.

 

[miserableforever]

after a lot of personal problems, i've decided to go through with my plan to ctb. i have everything ready. i will leave 11/11 at around 11:30, and hopefully pass into 11/12.

i have a lot of personal burdens. a bad breakup, and much more that i want to be free from. i am realizing now no one will ever save me. i scream cried for three hours outside today, and i only had people ask me for smokes. most didn't look at me. no one said anything. i don't know if i wanted anyone to talk to me, i just needed a hug. i needed something and no one was there.

i am the only one who can save my drowning body and i can't do it. no one can help me. my therapy ditched me and everyone is getting frustrated with me. i am crumbling.

once you know you have nothing good to go towards, it's easier to make these goals. even those who do care can't help me.

i will be posting in this thread or a new one, very quickly, about my attempt and SN. i was supposed to clean my room and make things tidy before i go, but i don't have much energy. i might try to organize a bit before leaving, but i just don't have the energy to do anything else.

my online friends have a note cued up to be posted 11/20 on my twitter. that's good enough.

i'm sorry, to myself, for being so tired. i'm sorry i don't know how else to save you, but i can no longer allow you to hurt everyone else. to lie. you hurt yourself too, so much, and i deserve better than that. i can't fix this. i really can't. i'm tired of proving how much i've tried. it's not enough, ever. i'm sorry, _elliott. i'm sorry i let you down, you poor child, and i promise you that you will be at peace soon.

I am heartbroken to see another one of the good ones go.
Sorry you have to go through it alone.
You're in my thoughts.

 

[NMOP3PISdn]

How are you feeling today brother?

 

[_elliott]

I am heartbroken to see another one of the good ones go.
Sorry you have to go through it alone.
You're in my thoughts.

thank you.
i might try to keep going until the end of the month, but hearing my ex-partner go on and on about how his life is so good--really does break me. he tells me i need to go out and do something, have a life's purpose... college. join people. i don't think he understands how hard it is, ha. i really just don't think he understands how tired i really am.

How are you feeling today brother?

pretty numb. tried applying to college but i need info from my parents, and a lot of my shit is messed up. talked to an ex today, really hard. he wants to send me my old gifts from when we were together for christmas. i don't know why that breaks me inside. i'm not even going to look at them. they're too painful.

 

[NMOP3PISdn]

thank you.
i might try to keep going until the end of the month, but hearing my ex-partner go on and on about how his life is so good--really does break me. he tells me i need to go out and do something, have a life's purpose... college. join people. i don't think he understands how hard it is, ha. i really just don't think he understands how tired i really am.

pretty numb. tried applying to college but i need info from my parents, and a lot of my shit is messed up. talked to an ex today, really hard. he wants to send me my old gifts from when we were together for christmas. i don't know why that breaks me inside. i'm not even going to look at them. they're too painful.

It looks like you aren't ready? Are you sure you still want to CTB? If you're applying for college then I would assume you have a little bit of hope for things to get better. Maybe it isn't the right time yet?

 

[sickoffighting]

U need to keep going as long as u can

 

[_elliott]

U need to keep going as long as u can

i'll do my best. thank you.

 

[sickoffighting]

Honestly I know it's hard…I just went to take all my medication and get in a hot bath but I've got a little boy and even thou I'm in hell everyday I can't do it just yet
I'd give anything to die in my sleep

 

[_elliott]

it's 7:00 now. i've been back and forth on whether or not i want to do it tonight. i have my bottle of sn and water ready. my head hurts and i keep clenching my jaw.

i don't know what to do. i don't know what to feel. am i supposed to feel anything?

i almost jumped off a bridge today. all the cars passing by didn't say a word. they didn't stop at all.

i think it really is time

it's 7:00 now. i've been back and forth on whether or not i want to do it tonight. i have my bottle of sn and water ready. my head hurts and i keep clenching my jaw.

i don't know what to do. i don't know what to feel. am i supposed to feel anything?

i almost jumped off a bridge today. all the cars passing by didn't say a word. they didn't stop at all.

i think it really is time

i'm going to play through my ctb playlist one time before, then see what i feel. i want to go outside and see the stars, so i'll see if i can go on a walk.

i poured 2 tablespoons of SN into this 18fl oz bottle. if i don't live, that's fine. if i do, then it'll be #7, and it's not my time to go.

that's fine too.

 

[AstroV]

it's 7:00 now. i've been back and forth on whether or not i want to do it tonight. i have my bottle of sn and water ready. my head hurts and i keep clenching my jaw.

i don't know what to do. i don't know what to feel. am i supposed to feel anything?

i almost jumped off a bridge today. all the cars passing by didn't say a word. they didn't stop at all.

i think it really is time

i'm going to play through my ctb playlist one time before, then see what i feel. i want to go outside and see the stars, so i'll see if i can go on a walk.

i poured 2 tablespoons of SN into this 18fl oz bottle. if i don't live, that's fine. if i do, then it'll be #7, and it's not my time to go.

that's fine too.

Hey man I'm really sorry for all the shut you've gone through. Can you think of anything in the world that might make you want stay a little longer?

 

[_elliott]

Hey man I'm really sorry for all the shut you've gone through. Can you think of anything in the world that might make you want stay a little longer?

i have some stuff, yeah. i'll try to hold on hope. maybe just sitting outside will help, it usually does for a minute. i just feel pretty exhausted.

 

[AstroV]

i have some stuff, yeah. i'll try to hold on hope. maybe just sitting outside will help, it usually does for a minute. i jus

feel pretty exhausted.

i have some stuff, yeah. i'll try to hold on hope. maybe just sitting outside will help, it usually does for a minute. i just feel pretty exhausted.

i have some stuff, yeah. i'll try to hold on hope. maybe just sitting outside will help, it usually does for a minute. i just feel pretty exhausted.

That's good. Ease your mind maybe smoke a blunt or two.

 

[80hdigital]

Is he still here?

 

[_elliott]

That's good. Ease your mind maybe smoke a blunt or two.

unfortunately weed gives me seizures, so i'll have to pass. but i'll try to relax.

Is he still here?

yes, i'm still here my friend. i'll let you guys know if i took it when i do. i still haven't quite decided. which, i know sounds odd, but with everything i'm just thinking.

 

[80hdigital]

Have you tried drugs at all? I know 1,4 butanediol is listed here as a ctb method, but it's really one of those drugs you should really try before you die. It's amazing

 

[_elliott]

Have you tried drugs at all? I know 1,4 butanediol is listed here as a ctb method, but it's really one of those drugs you should really try before you die. It's amazing

eh, not really. i've always wanted to try shrooms, but any medications tend to freak me out. i don't know where i would even get it from, ha.