Venting Told My Family

[Xebsora29]

Today, I told my sister and brother in law that I didn't want to be here. I was ready to tell them everything that was going on with me and be truthful with the rest. However, they looked annoyed and disappointed in my actions. The looks on their face was more painful than what I experienced from others, given they've been the people who I bonded with the most. They told me I needed to find a purpose and pretty much lectured me on how I shouldn't quit school and etc. Basically gave off the vibe of, "Are you serious? How dumb are you?" I've already felt like this because I couldn't fit the expectations I set for myself, but I NEVER felt MORE humiliated and ashamed of myself. It hurts, and its pains me that I thought I could confide in them. I have siblings telling me that to stop being emo, friends telling me to get over it given its a phrase, and so on.

Anyways, I'm done with everything. This is why I can't be honest with anyone and built walls around myself. Although I don't blame anyone, I don't think they'll truly understand my position. Their mentality and narrative is different from minds.

Side note, I'm going to kill myself tonight. I'm glad I found this site to be honest. Never have I been so grateful for a place where we could talk and discuss without the fear of persecution and being thrown into a place due to "mental instability." Peace y'all, its been great. Hopefully I'm successful tonight. Going to attempt partial hanging and if that doesn't work, I'm jumping off a building or bridge. I'm worn out and tired of fighting a battle that will always be the same. So yeah, peace everyone. Thanks for being supportive and providing me methods. Honestly blessed and thankful for you guys.

 

[painoflife]

If it came as a total surprise to them then maybe they didn't know what to say or how serious you are about this. That being said, everybody should be taken seriously and supported if that's what they are looking for. You reached out and that can be so hard to do.
I hope you aren't rushing this tonight because of the reaction you got? Maybe they will think over it and realise they were wrong and actually want to help you.
Either way I wish you the best

 

[TowerUpright]

I'm so sorry to hear this. If someone has opened up enough to share this intimate aspect of us, people should be respectful and not attack us.

I respect your decision and wish we got to know each other better. I wish there was someone nearby I trusted enough to talk to.

 

[ninthhokage]

I'm sorry that they made you feel that way. Sending you love and I hope you can be at peace with whichever decision you make tonight.

 

[Jean4]

Sending you love. We will be here if you want so you won't be alone.

 

[NerdyNihilist]

I'm so sorry to hear this. If someone has opened up enough to share this intimate aspect of us, people should be respectful and not attack us.

I couldn't agree more. I will forever regret the moment I spoke about my true emotions with my family. Instead of trying to understand, they would much rather point their finger at me. Took me a while to realize how much ammunition I gave them to use against me.

 

[Ark]

I am so sorry that was the reception you got. But please do not let that rush you into anything. You spoke to them about it for a reason, speak to someone here, there are many of us here for you and I promise we will be more understanding.

I support you no matter what. But, this is one decision that should never be rushed or hastily decided right after an upsetting encounter.

I am sending hugs and good vibes your way and hope you find peace however you can. Please keep us updated. And talk of you want to.

 

[Elias]

I couldn't agree more. I will forever regret the moment I spoke about my true emotions with my family. Instead of trying to understand, they would much rather point their finger at me. Took me a while to realize how much ammunition I gave them to use against me.

It's exactly that. I've always kept my shit to my myself until I finally gave in and believed people who said I should reach out and share my thoughts. Holy hell was it a huge mistake and gave so many people so much ammunition to use against me.

 

[Moonicide]

Like everyone else here, my heart feels for you. I can only imagine how this made you feel when you were trying to reach out / seek help. Sometimes people just don't know how to take that in, let alone how to respond. Because for many people it's a heavy topic. They can't discuss it so casually or with understanding like the community here. In the end it's because we all feel similar and can relate. We all have a connection with one another... Whenever I leave this forum, it hits me how ignorant and harsh the world is.

I wish you nothing but peace and love.

 

[color_me_gone]

If I had been your brother in law and you confided to me what you said, my response would have been immediately, "Oh my gosh, please tell me what is going on, what is troubling you?"

Instead, you got a dismissive response, similar to what you'd get from a shrink.
That is what sucks about the outside world.

Being here on SS, you become accustomed to people willing to listen and having empathy.
That probably fooled you into thinking your siblings would be the same, but you found their true colors.

Please don't do anything tonight, you sound like you have not planned carefully.
That never ends well.

Love Hugs Peace

 

[Xebsora29]

Today, I told my sister and brother in law that I didn't want to be here. I was ready to tell them everything that was going on with me and be truthful with the rest. However, they looked annoyed and disappointed in my actions. The looks on their face was more painful than what I experienced from others, given they've been the people who I bonded with the most. They told me I needed to find a purpose and pretty much lectured me on how I shouldn't quit school and etc. Basically gave off the vibe of, "Are you serious? How dumb are you?" I've already felt like this because I couldn't fit the expectations I set for myself, but I NEVER felt MORE humiliated and ashamed of myself. It hurts, and its pains me that I thought I could confide in them. I have siblings telling me that to stop being emo, friends telling me to get over it given its a phrase, and so on.

Anyways, I'm done with everything. This is why I can't be honest with anyone and built walls around myself. Although I don't blame anyone, I don't think they'll truly understand my position. Their mentality and narrative is different from minds.

Side note, I'm going to kill myself tonight. I'm glad I found this site to be honest. Never have I been so grateful for a place where we could talk and discuss without the fear of persecution and being thrown into a place due to "mental instability." Peace y'all, its been great. Hopefully I'm successful tonight. Going to attempt partial hanging and if that doesn't work, I'm jumping off a building or bridge. I'm worn out and tired of fighting a battle that will always be the same. So yeah, peace everyone. Thanks for being supportive and providing me methods. Honestly blessed and thankful for you guys.

UPDATE: Couldn't do it. I broke down to someone close to me and she ended up telling my siblings about my condition. Kind of crazy, but I told her I needed her support on this CTB. My family thinks I'm crazy now and calls me stupid for doing ridiculous things. Basically, they said I'm stupid and my actions are stupid. They want a game plan, so I told them my game plan about school and quite frankly they don't approve of it. My classes are about 8 hours away and I'm stuck at home being watched because I'm what you call "stupid." I'll keep you guys update; I'm definitely going to end my life somehow when they're not around. Hate life, hate everyone, and pretty much over it.

 

[color_me_gone]

Another thing I have learned here on this forum is, never confide in ANYONE outside of this forum.
It never goes well - never ever.
Sometimes you end up in a shrink ward at the hospital (lock-up), and nothing sucks more than that.

 

[Sweet emotion]

UPDATE: Couldn't do it. I broke down to someone close to me and she ended up telling my siblings about my condition. Kind of crazy, but I told her I needed her support on this CTB. My family thinks I'm crazy now and calls me stupid for doing ridiculous things. Basically, they said I'm stupid and my actions are stupid. They want a game plan, so I told them my game plan about school and quite frankly they don't approve of it. My classes are about 8 hours away and I'm stuck at home being watched because I'm what you call "stupid." I'll keep you guys update; I'm definitely going to end my life somehow when they're not around. Hate life, hate everyone, and pretty much over it.

This is why you can never tell anyone what you're going to do. We're you secretly crying out for help when you told your sister? Because if someone really wants to die they don't tell people about it because obviously that person is going to try to stop them or even reprt them to adult services. You're really going to have to think hard now how and when to do it so you're not interrupted.

 

[BlueWidow]

I think many of us, myself included, learn the hard way NEVER to be honest with or tell anyone. It's too bad we can't express our true feelings and plans to our loved ones and be treated with compassion. They force us to lie and make plans in secret.

Imagine how wonderful it would be if you could be honest and your loved ones would acknowledge that it is your life and your choice. Imagine if a person could ctb with their family and friends around them being supportive, non judgmental, and selfless enough to acknowledge that your choice to end your own suffering is your right and should be celebrated. Instead of a hidden ctb alone, you could experience it as a freeing and positive experience knowing your suffering would end soon and your loved ones understand your decision. You would know they cared more about you and your ability to end your own suffering than their own selfish desire to keep you here against your will no matter how horrible your life is.

 

[piupianissimo]

I think many of us, myself included, learn the hard way NEVER to be honest with or tell anyone. It's too bad we can't express our true feelings and plans to our loved ones and be treated with compassion. They force us to lie and make plans in secret.

Imagine how wonderful it would be if you could be honest and your loved ones would acknowledge that it is your life and your choice. Imagine if a person could ctb with their family and friends around them being supportive, non judgmental, and selfless enough to acknowledge that your choice to end your own suffering is your right and should be celebrated. Instead of a hidden ctb alone, you could experience it as a freeing and positive experience knowing your suffering would end soon and your loved ones understand your decision. You would know they cared more about you and your ability to end your own suffering than their own selfish desire to keep you here against your will no matter how horrible your life is.

This.
But at the same time, some of them just can't get it for some reason. I think you have to go through what people here go through to be able to understand it. It's like many things in life- you never understand until you experience it.
A friend that i recently told was trying so hard to be very supportive of me (bless his heart). Finally he said, "what's one thing that you would really want to hear from a friend? Tell me and I'll say it." I simply replied, "I want someone to tell me it's ok for me to ctb." He immediately said "well no I can't say that."
*shrug*

 

[color_me_gone]

Imagine how wonderful it would be if you could be honest and your loved ones would acknowledge that it is your life and your choice. Imagine if a person could ctb with their family and friends around them being supportive, non judgmental, and selfless enough to acknowledge that your choice to end your own suffering is your right and should be celebrated.

I think, at least for me, would help lessen my survival instinct.
Part of my SI comes from not wanting to hurt those who know me.

 

[Taki]

This is why you can never tell anyone what you're going to do. We're you secretly crying out for help when you told your sister? Because if someone really wants to die they don't tell people about it because obviously that person is going to try to stop them or even reprt them to adult services. You're really going to have to think hard now how and when to do it so you're not interrupted.

Or you don't do it, and stay alive. That's the other option.

 

[CyanideSoup]

I'm sorry that you've been left feeling this way, I can imagine it must feel really invalidating to open up about something so hard and to then be told how you feel is stupid. But please know that how you feel is valid, and isn't stupid, and even though your family aren't there to support you there are alot of people here who want to be here for you. No matter what decision you make.

 

[ValideSultana]

Today, I told my sister and brother in law that I didn't want to be here. I was ready to tell them everything that was going on with me and be truthful with the rest. However, they looked annoyed and disappointed in my actions. The looks on their face was more painful than what I experienced from others, given they've been the people who I bonded with the most. They told me I needed to find a purpose and pretty much lectured me on how I shouldn't quit school and etc. Basically gave off the vibe of, "Are you serious? How dumb are you?" I've already felt like this because I couldn't fit the expectations I set for myself, but I NEVER felt MORE humiliated and ashamed of myself. It hurts, and its pains me that I thought I could confide in them. I have siblings telling me that to stop being emo, friends telling me to get over it given its a phrase, and so on.

Anyways, I'm done with everything. This is why I can't be honest with anyone and built walls around myself. Although I don't blame anyone, I don't think they'll truly understand my position. Their mentality and narrative is different from minds.

Side note, I'm going to kill myself tonight. I'm glad I found this site to be honest. Never have I been so grateful for a place where we could talk and discuss without the fear of persecution and being thrown into a place due to "mental instability." Peace y'all, its been great. Hopefully I'm successful tonight. Going to attempt partial hanging and if that doesn't work, I'm jumping off a building or bridge. I'm worn out and tired of fighting a battle that will always be the same. So yeah, peace everyone. Thanks for being supportive and providing me methods. Honestly blessed and thankful for you guys.

I had the same problem with my sister, one of the last times I tried. I've never told anyone before or after that attempt, but I loved my sister so much, and I wanted to tell her 'thank you for everything, I love you, goodbye'. I lived half-way across the world, so I thought I was safe, and had time to carry out my plan. Unbeknownst to me, they were able to get hold of local police before I died. I had my stomach pumped, was put on a psych ward (yet again, they're bloody useless). My sister, brother-in-law, nephews, mother, brother, etc. were so angry with me. They thought I was stupid and selfish. I'm neither.

 

[Kassender]

I had the same problem with my sister, one of the last times I tried. I've never told anyone before or after that attempt, but I loved my sister so much, and I wanted to tell her 'thank you for everything, I love you, goodbye'. I lived half-way across the world, so I thought I was safe, and had time to carry out my plan. Unbeknownst to me, they were able to get hold of local police before I died. I had my stomach pumped, was put on a psych ward (yet again, they're bloody useless). My sister, brother-in-law, nephews, mother, brother, etc. were so angry with me. They thought I was stupid and selfish. I'm neither.

Always love those 'you fucking idiot how could you do this to us?!' Responses...

Yes. Its about you guys. Always.
Nevermind i hate my life enough to try to end it.

I learned this the hard way too.
I got found trying to hang myself.

I got yelled at, then told to come have dinner.
It was never mentioned again.

Sorry Xebsora, having to go through that sucks.

 

[LittleJem]

This.
But at the same time, some of them just can't get it for some reason. I think you have to go through what people here go through to be able to understand it. It's like many things in life- you never understand until you experience it.
A friend that i recently told was trying so hard to be very supportive of me (bless his heart). Finally he said, "what's one thing that you would really want to hear from a friend? Tell me and I'll say it." I simply replied, "I want someone to tell me it's ok for me to ctb." He immediately said "well no I can't say that."
*shrug*

Exactly. I want my suffering over. I want my choice to be respected.

 

[Xebsora29]

This is why you can never tell anyone what you're going to do. We're you secretly crying out for help when you told your sister? Because if someone really wants to die they don't tell people about it because obviously that person is going to try to stop them or even reprt them to adult services. You're really going to have to think hard now how and when to do it so you're not interrupted.

Hmm, I'm going to have to disagree with you. Sometimes, individuals who truly want to die don't always keep it to themselves. Sure I understand what your inferring towards however, I think it's important to note that being honest doesn't necessarily mean its the ultimatum of "crying for help." I guess with statistic, its understandable and logical. However there are several of individuals who state their feelings, while still being fully determine to end their lives. It may be due to a need of honesty, ensuring no lies are implemented, or that feeling of leaving those we love left with questioned unanswered. My situation was now conclusively towards the line of just coming clean to my sister and brother in law, since I owe it to them. A different distinct reaction I received, but just another push towards my desire to CTB.

I think individuals like us additionally are subconsciously wanting validation for CTB from the people we bond with, that way we can go smoother.
Side note, death is not easy and taking ones lives can be difficult if we aren't truly satisfied with the things we want to stabilize first. Sometimes we feel that regret will occur, so we want to ensure everything is settled before we finish the job.

Henceforth, you're correct about thinking hard on how and when to attempt it. I did make the situation fall out of proportion but I think I'll have it sorted out soon. Just have to put on a consistent facade until then, and I'll be able to complete the job.

I had the same problem with my sister, one of the last times I tried. I've never told anyone before or after that attempt, but I loved my sister so much, and I wanted to tell her 'thank you for everything, I love you, goodbye'. I lived half-way across the world, so I thought I was safe, and had time to carry out my plan. Unbeknownst to me, they were able to get hold of local police before I died. I had my stomach pumped, was put on a psych ward (yet again, they're bloody useless). My sister, brother-in-law, nephews, mother, brother, etc. were so angry with me. They thought I was stupid and selfish. I'm neither.

Same. It becomes a more unfortunate world we live in when we don't conform with the ideals of living. We become seen as abnormal and depicted as selfish and stupid. I feel for you.