Told i should stay alive for others

[dust-in-the-wind]

I know people that care about me want me to stay alive but the pain is fucking unbearable. I have major depressive disorder that leaves me in bed most days non functional and crying. Even if I force myself to do something, every second is torture. Yet my family tells me I need to live for them. This makes me more upset. They should want me to be at peace. This is just as bad as suffering from a severe physical illness, where it's more understandable to end your life.

 

[LapseInTime]

If that isn't the definition of selfish - "just keep struggling because I'd feel bad losing you". Suffering in the meantime? Oh well, your problem, but tell you what, anything so long as it's not mine. I am past the point where this is consoling. Besides, I've said it many times and I'll say it again; is it ME who you'll miss or just your son on very general principle? It's disgusting and it shows how out of touch somebody is. Guilt trip me into staying alive, I'm sure that will help! Every time it's said to me, I wonder if they know that I live mourning. Why should anybody else's pain take precedence? It's all fucked, it drives me up the wall.

Sorry for the venting, but sometimes people can't think twice before they blurt out such shit. I am so fed up with this kind of crap; whoever says this must throw some cold water on their face and think it over.

 

[landslide2]

It's something i've told myself, that i don't want to hurt the people i love. but i'm reaching a point where the suffering is just too much
and i can't keep going for other people. my life will not get better, the torture of having to wake up just gets worse. sleep is the only escape i have and that too is getting interrupted by my churning mind.

 

[LittleJem]

Exactly this…I've done over thirty years of suffering now. Who for and why? No children. No responsibilities. Who cares if I die now..

 

[SVEN]

Aww sugar … the old "laying the guilt trip on the one who's suffering" trick ! Why is it always about them. Best wishes Dust, I hope you find peace in whatever decision you make.

 

[justkatie]

Yeah. "You should be deeply unhappy and suffer forever because you might upset people when you are gone".

I get it. I don't want people to mourn me when I'm gone. I just want them to know I lived my life as it was and that's okay.

Pressuring me into staying alive for others is sick. If *I* choose to do so (which sadly for me seems to be what I'm doing) that's okay as it's MY choice.

 

[disgustingman70]

I know that that isn't anything I could say that will help....believe me, I feel the same. But, I'm here if you want to unload.

 

[FuneralCry]

It truly is such a cruel existence to me where there's all this suffering, I understand just wishing to be free from this painful, torturous existence, I also just hope for peace. But anyway I wish you the best.