Today was a good day.

[Deleted member 1465]

Today was a good day.

I collected my shopping. I repotted some plants in the yarden.
Then I went for a walk, the usual route around the neighbourhood looking for whatever might turn up.
Scavenging!
I found a square of decking planks held together by noggins, a bagful of blackberries and some spearmint.
After lunch, I dug out an oak sapling from the spare lot behind my house and sawed off the delinquent willow offshoots to open up the plot a little.
The oak got planted in the back field and the willow got chopped into bits and I saved two staves just cuz I like whittling.
I added the blackberries and spearmint to my evening pudding, along with peaches and yoghurt.
After tea, I opened a bottle of wine. I really shouldn't, but fuckit. I then took part in some mildly drunk gardening, trimming a couple of bushes so they can be underplanted with alpines and organising the repotted shrubs on the boundary wall, along with the scavenged decking square used as a stabilising thang to hold things in place in the wind.
Cool cuz.

So...
Today was a good day.
Two neighbours even thanked me for cleaning up the spare land. I was shocked. Shocked that it had been left to become derelict. Shocked that anyone thought it was odd and worthy of thanks to clean it up.

Why do we all let things go to shit?

Well, because life gets in the way. A home, a job, a family...it's too easy to forget. Any number of bad experiences too.
Too easy to just oik all the shit out the back and screw it, because don't we have enough to worry about?
Yes, we do.

But nothing is forgotten.
Nothing is ever forgotten.

All that shit you thought you'd conveniently shunted into provisional discard (that's the archaeological name for the secondary context btw), well, it's still there. It doesn't go away and it sits there and gets built upon.
And that makes for a shakey foundation.
That goes for the stuff out the back of the house and the shit buried in our minds too.

I'm starting from the ground up, after thirty years of neglect and ignorance. I'll most likely fail. Hahaha hahaha! Who care? Brilliant!

Tomorrow, gods willing, I will dig out the weeds on the spare land and prepare it for planting. Too long and too may weeds. Still, maybe something of value can be recovered in such a folorn little place.

A year ago I was dying, abandoned and alone, in physical pain and starving to death. Suicide was my only hope to stop the suffering.
Somehow I survived, I don't know how.
Now I face an uncertain future and I have no great expectations. I expect no cure, no answer, I've given up on answers. I try to accept a life I never thought I could accept.
The world moves on and I move on with it.

Tomorrow is uncertain and a little frightening, but today was a good day.
And I will fucking take that.

 

[CuddleHug]

I like reading about your days, good or not. I can pretend I was sitting on your shoulder, watching it all unfold, while pretending my shitty day is someone else's. Perhaps tomorrow won't be as good as today, but at least you're moving forward.

Hugs

 

[BlackPoppet]

Im glad you had a good day. It's nice when we can just feel like every thing is ok... even just for one day, hopefully tomorrow is a good day for you as well.
I want to be productive... and I want to achieve something tangible, in my everyday life, because depression can sap one of their spirit and drive. I'm getting there little by little. My animal companions stop me from going completely under. So I have to keep marching on for them. And for my partner. Most of all I have to get some discipline in my life. I'll get there soon hopefully.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Yes, I've had, and still have those shitty days. And I have loved it when my friends on here have positive things to say, despite everything. So I thought I'd share, and thank you for the positive comments.
I shall post pics of the spare plot. I meant to before it was cleared but I got carried away with the machete!

 

[Funkymonks]

Sounds like a very fine day indeed

 

[Myforevercharlie]

I loved reading about your day! Thank you so much

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I dug over all the soil and roots today. All sorts of weird rubbish popping out but the soil is good.
Unfortunately I'll have to tidy it up then stop. It's on a bank by the back road and if I dig up all the old roots without revetting and replanting, then I'll run the risk of winter rain washing all the soil onto the road.
So the next task is scavenging materials to revett and terrace the bank and dragging them back. My brother already got a few large rocks from the back field and brought them back on his trolley. The site is adjacent to his garage where he keeps his woodstore. I suspect many more rocks may mysteriously appear there at some point.
I've also had various neighbours comment positively. I've told them it's a communal space so they are welcome to leave any plants or spare materials there and they will get used.
I'm not going to plant it much until next year though, too late now, though I may sow a few seeds once it's terraced.

 

[Funkymonks]

We done our communal space during the summer, we used large barrels and filled them with various kinds of stuff and we also have a couple of beer kegs, empty! Which we are using as a fire pits
I love the way you are repurposing items around you

 

[Deleted member 1465]

@Funkymonks that sounds cool.
I find it very rewarding to re-use stuff. It's also on a main back way, so I get all the neighbours passing and commenting as well as donating things. Nice to go out there and see useful things dropped off.
I'm learning too. I've been trying to listen more; to my own needs, to others and to my environment.
With the gardening, I'm not trying to impose my will on the space, rather to put the effort in to making it work the way it best wants to work. A sort of compromise between chaotic nature and sympathetic design.
I have bad OCD but I'm trying to use this as an opportunity to be without a plan, just to take it as it comes and let me be steered by what happens as much as doing the work. For example, I fucked up today; I started work on a revetment for all soil on the mound. I should really have done that after clearing the bank of weeds but I can't do that till spring or risk the soil washing out over the road. Now I'll probably have to redo it next year. So I made a mistake... OCD me would be out there now in the dark correcting it, but instead, hey, nevermind!

 

[Funkymonks]

@Underscore nothing better than the elements of nature to help ocd take a backseat.
I just can't garden, I'm surprised my plant has lasted so long, but it's only because it doesn't need attention. I remember about every fortnight or so and water it with a splash of baby bio
I really admire you for making an effort to making your litttle patch of the world better x

 

[Deleted member 1465]

@Underscore nothing better than the elements of nature to help ocd take a backseat.
I just can't garden, I'm surprised my plant has lasted so long, but it's only because it doesn't need attention. I remember about every fortnight or so and water it with a splash of baby bio
I really admire you for making an effort to making your litttle patch of the world better x

Thank you! It really helps me too.

 

[Soul]

Brilliant @Underscore!
Cool cuz xox

 

[Deleted member 1465]

@Soul cuz cool

 

[Soul]

That too, @Underscore honey!

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Today was a weird day I decided to go and pillage the local abandoned and overgrown allotment to pick up a spade for one of the guys on the new allotment and a water but for one of the others guys. He's spent the day with a mini digger, terracing his new plot in the back field.
I got both items, but also found a large amount of stone which I can use to terrace the bank of land I'm working on, as well as a load of decorative bricks and square granite sets. All really useful and parked in a pile for when my brother can get the truck round.
I gave over the spade to the chap in the back field and he gave me a spare bin full of plant pots in exchange. Tiny things, mostly, and useless to me, but they can be passed on to someone else. The bin, however, will act as my second composting bin. There were also three indoor pots with integral drip trays and another spare drip tray, which means I can bring my annuals inside for the winter. I'd been keeping my eyes out for trays but they are as rare as rocking horse poo. So, result!
I handed over the water butt to the other chap who then outlined his plans for the allotment which included a drainage gully to take the water from the dripping pipe at the top of the field and empty into a wildlife pond.
Another result! My favourite plants are aquatics and I used to keep a thriving wildlife pond. So I offered to plant it out for him once it's done with plants from the local area...another project for next spring, maybe.
The only issue is that the drainage area will be in the field up the hill behind my house. Just going to hope it all soaks away as planned.
So, as usual, went out to do one thing and ended up with lots of other things done.