Today might be the day...

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

I don't want to live through the heatwave in my area that started yesterday; I had already planned to CTB before Summer was over. And my landlady just said something so hurtful to me ~90m ago that I haven't stopped crying since reading. That just feels like the last straw... I'm so tired of being a failure in even the most basic things.

I'm currently writing an e-mail to my best friend that will be scheduled to send to them in two days. It will contain instructions on who to tell about my suicide and how [Discord usernames, e-mail addresses, phone numbers]; logins and passwords for accounts that I want them to access and post the news to; instructions for what to do with my belongings [where to donate the unused food, etc.].

I made my carotid ligature device months ago, kept it beside my bed since. It's around my neck now, but not tightened, as I write the e-mail.

Give me the fucking strength to do this.

 

[CW36]

I don't want to live through the heatwave in my area that started yesterday; I had already planned to CTB before Summer was over. And my landlady just said something so hurtful to me ~90m ago that I haven't stopped crying since reading. That just feels like the last straw... I'm so tired of being a failure in even the most basic things.

I'm currently writing an e-mail to my best friend that will be scheduled to send to them in two days. It will contain instructions on who to tell about my suicide and how [Discord usernames, e-mail addresses, phone numbers]; logins and passwords for accounts that I want them to access and post the news to; instructions for what to do with my belongings [where to donate the unused food, etc.].

I made my carotid ligature device months ago, kept it beside my bed since. It's around my neck now, but not tightened, as I write the e-mail.

Give me the fucking strength to do this.

Millions have done it before you without the research, planning or skillset. You can do this. One moment of fortitude for a lifetime of peace.

 

[ikadasui]

What kinda temps are you dealing with right now? Sorry to hear about the interaction with your landlady, being in a position of power takes the humanity out of certain folks

 

[Mxverick]

I hope you finaly find the freedom you deserve <3

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

I'm still working on the e-mail. I have a lot of information I have to gather for it, lists of people to contact.

The last thing I'll be posting to my FB page is this article from The Onion; I've always had a fucked-up sense of humor...

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

Went to cook my last meal and found out my roommates threw out a bunch of shit from my fridge. I'm on disability and can't fucking afford to replace any of it. As if today wasn't fucking bad enough.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really wish it's easier to finally be free from this existence but anyway I hope that when the time is right for you to leave you find the freedom you search for, best wishes.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

I still have a small window today... I took my bedtime meds a little while ago, they knock me out for a good 12h. I could use the ligature while I'm more sedated/close to passing out...

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I wish you all the best with your plan! I hope you find the strength you need may you find peace & freedom! Good luck!