Method Today is the day

[Gambit]

Hi all, first post, been lurking a while but only just got the balls to sign up.

So I've decided today is the day and wanted to see if this would work before I do it.

For context, I'm in my 40's have ADHD, depression, anxiety and a host of other physical stuff, nothing too serious but migraines and back pain etc but not medicated for them as I hate Dr's. I have been suicidal since I was 4 (abusive dad) and I seem to go on a cycle of fucking my whole life up every 5-10 years and I'm just done with never getting it right, no matter how much I try. My latest was to fuck up the best thing that ever happened to me with an amazing woman. I have family but I've always kept my distance as I knew this day would come so wanted to make it easier on them, possibly a self fulfilling thing but I guess I just got used to fucking things up so wanted to ease the burden.

So I'm liking the night night method but can see it's relatively hard to do, I've done some testing with a belt and some socks filled with little bags of peppercorns(only thing I could get my hands on). I thing the belt is too rigid as it's leather but does have a ratchet like fastener so has worked ok for testing. I've managed to get to the point where I think I can compress my carotid but not completely so it does come with the head pain of my jugulars being more compressed. I'm going to nip to the shop and get an endless ratchet when they open this morning.

I'm alone in the house but do love with my ex as this was very recent(to be clear this isn't the only reason so it's not impulse, I was suicidal during the relationship and she managed to either figure it out or talk me down in some way without knowing).

So I'm thinking I can add to the night night by supplementing it with some meds(not many), some inert gas but don't have the ability to make a exit bag so would just tape a bag over my head full of helium (not sure it's 100% pure as the research says between 85-99.9%).

The meds:
12x50mg sertraline
11x40mg propranalol

I've researched the interactions and it seems like they cause each other to metabolise slower in the liver so increase the effects which should slow my heart down nicely.

Just wondering if this is a good ish plan, I know nothing is 100% and I could just suffocate but I'm prepared to push through that pain if I can.

Thank you for any input

 

[darksouls]

however you decide,
I wish you the best, I hope you find relief from suffering

 

[Gambit]

however you decide,
I wish you the best, I hope you find relief from suffering

Thank you darksouls. I just can't to it anymore, just hope I don't get found before, she's at work for the next 8 ish hours and I've done my notes, a personal one for her and one for my mum and family. I've also said not to come into my room to try and stop any more harm by her finding me.

 

[noflawless]

Hi all, first post, been lurking a while but only just got the balls to sign up.

So I've decided today is the day and wanted to see if this would work before I do it.

For context, I'm in my 40's have ADHD, depression, anxiety and a host of other physical stuff, nothing too serious but migraines and back pain etc but not medicated for them as I hate Dr's. I have been suicidal since I was 4 (abusive dad) and I seem to go on a cycle of fucking my whole life up every 5-10 years and I'm just done with never getting it right, no matter how much I try. My latest was to fuck up the best thing that ever happened to me with an amazing woman. I have family but I've always kept my distance as I knew this day would come so wanted to make it easier on them, possibly a self fulfilling thing but I guess I just got used to fucking things up so wanted to ease the burden.

So I'm liking the night night method but can see it's relatively hard to do, I've done some testing with a belt and some socks filled with little bags of peppercorns(only thing I could get my hands on). I thing the belt is too rigid as it's leather but does have a ratchet like fastener so has worked ok for testing. I've managed to get to the point where I think I can compress my carotid but not completely so it does come with the head pain of my jugulars being more compressed. I'm going to nip to the shop and get an endless ratchet when they open this morning.

I'm alone in the house but do love with my ex as this was very recent(to be clear this isn't the only reason so it's not impulse, I was suicidal during the relationship and she managed to either figure it out or talk me down in some way without knowing).

So I'm thinking I can add to the night night by supplementing it with some meds(not many), some inert gas but don't have the ability to make a exit bag so would just tape a bag over my head full of helium (not sure it's 100% pure as the research says between 85-99.9%).

The meds:
12x50mg sertraline
11x40mg propranalol

I've researched the interactions and it seems like they cause each other to metabolise slower in the liver so increase the effects which should slow my heart down nicely.

Just wondering if this is a good ish plan, I know nothing is 100% and I could just suffocate but I'm prepared to push through that pain if I can.

Thank you for any input

Hello my dear friend, I understand your suffering. Are you feeling at peace moving forward with your decision?

 

[Gambit]

Hello my dear friend, I understand your suffering. Are you feeling at peace moving forward with your decision?

I am, I'm nervous of course but that's more because I don't want to fail I think. I need to shower and change etc as I've been in these clothes for the last 48 hours without the motivation to get up. I know it sounds weird but I want to be clean before I go.

 

[unluckysadness]

I'm in my 40's too and it's fucking hard when you're disabled and you feel you're a 90yo person.
I wish you peace wathever you decide. But take care with methods If you're not 100% sure about it, you can still delay it.

 

[Gambit]

I'm in my 40's too and it's fucking hard when you're disabled and you feel you're a 90yo person.
I wish you peace wathever you decide. But take care with methods If you're not 100% sure about it, you can still delay it.

I think the method is sound, using multiple in one go to try and reduce the SI and to try and ensure I don't fail. The night night is hopefully enough. The meds are there to slow my heart to hopefully counteract the issue with only compressing the jugular veins as I think that even if I slow the flow and partially constrict the calories that should be sufficient, the gas is to aid along the lack of oxygen in that isn't enough and the bag is a final fail safe where I just suffocate. Just trying to be thorough (overthinker) and make sure I get the job done to CTB
Just by way of update too I've now got the ratchet and I'm all but set, I just need to take the pills and wait a little while for them to start working, think the propranolol takes about 30 mins to fully activate and the sertraline is pretty quick, I'm not using that for the long term effects so it ingests quickly and starts working quickly but it takes time for the longer term effects to kick in, but that's not my goal here

 

[Gambit]

Everything is set, tablets taken, helium rigged to let me fill the big, hoping it may stay going a while too but doubt it, I've tried the night night as a test, it seems to give me a headache but that's might be because it wasn't tight enough as it was a test, either way this may well be my last post, I wish you all the best in your future endeavours, whether to CTB or not. Tablets should start working soon as they've been in for about 15 minutes. Added some paracetamol to hopefully lessen the pain if it does end up just being suffocation either way I'm good (would prefer less pain but heyho)

 

[hienapospolita]

Please dont do it. I also have depression and ADHD. I also wanted to CTB because of a girl. But I reached out, got help and life became managable. I also fould thelove of my life. Please stop it, its not worth it...