To those of you tolerating the emotional abuse from your parents and making excuses to excuse them for it... hear me out

[Insomniac]

Up until today, I have been tolerating the emotional abuse from my mom. I'd tell myself that she has a RIGHT to talk to me like I'm trash because:

- I'm 24 and still live with her
- I'm unable to get a job
- I'm 100% financially dependant on her

I also tolerated it because:
- I have lifelong severe generalised anxiety Disorder and tend to keep quiet and bottle everything in and Hurst myself instead. My anxiety is too crippling and I'm tired of having to explain to people who don't take my illness seriously or don't think it affect my performance in everything.

My childhood was a toxic environment with an extreme alcoholic dad and a scary mom who is great at gaslighting and always yelling when she talks and when she is mad at me, she badmouth me to my siblings, who then avoid talking to me (they don't want to be on the side of the weak, aka me).

She constantly storms in my room without knocking (despite me repetitively telling her to stop), she yells at me for not helping around the house but I asks her everyday what she needs help with and she says that I should figure it out myself. She has OCD and is constantly cleaning things and expect us to meet and stupid standards. We have a maid at home and someone who clean the house everyday. She litteraly doesn't need help with anything because the house is always clean. I told her to check herself for OCD but she is in denial and it's getting out of control. She keeps yelling at the maid and the cleaning guy and at night, I hear the maid cry. She is overworked and forced to obey a sick person in denial.



Today, she stormed in my room, as usual, zero respect for my privacy. I never react because of the fear being evicted. But today, I'm so proud of myself. I stood up for myself and Yelled back at her, I told her to go F herself and that if she storms like that in my room again, she'll regret it. I told her that this is my house, that I have a right to be here without fearing eviction, that I have a right to rest without feeling guilty and that I was doing my best. I told her that I have a right to be loved and respected by her even thought I have a mental illness and even thought I don't have a job. I told her that I didn't have to be born, to have a terrible childhood and to suffer on a daily basis as a result.

She went from 100 to Zero really quick. For the first time in my life, I felt entitled to push my mom outside of my bedroom and tell her to never again come without knocking and to not invade my safe space.

I'm no longer scared of her, I'm not afraid of eviction because I have a right to be here. I no longer want to make any excuse as to why it's okay for my own parent to treat me certain way.
I suffer so much already in my personal, to the point of being suicidal. There is no way what she is doing to me is Okay and I'll never again let her get away with it or think she can emotional torment me with no consequence.


Guys, your parents need you as much as you need them. Even thought they keep acting like you're the one to owe them something. Everything they do for you, they expect a return in some way. They expect you to take care of them in the future. Nothing from them is free or unconditional. This is why my mom was scared today, she realised I realised that she needed me as much as I needed her (it might be worth mentioning that I live in a third world country where there is no social services).

So yeah I just wanted to let it out. I used to starve myself for days because my mom would always complain about paying for my food, even thought it costs her nothing and most of the food goes to trash. Even though I barely eat in general. It enrages me that I let things get to this. That I let her make me feel like I didn't deserve to eat because depression kept me for days in my bed and I felt I have been too unproductive to deserve that literally cost her nothing. I'll never do that again.

I'll eat everyday and if she ever make me feel like I don't deserve to eat, I'll spit at her face.

 

[imaloserbaby]

Good for you for sticking up for yourself!! That takes a lot of guts. And you're absolutely right, no one has the right to treat you that way, parent or not.

 

[overcomingfear]

You did the right thing man. she has no right to act like that. better late than never as i say, often you can fix many things if you try

 

[Life_and_Death]

I told her to go F herself

this reminds me of the day i slapped my mother across the face lol. her jaw dropped and she didnt dare hurt me again

 

[Insomniac]

this reminds me of the day i slapped my mother across the face lol. her jaw dropped and she didnt dare hurt me

Wow!! well done xD

Gotta fight fire with fire lmao. It's not good to get into the habit of allowing abuse and justifying it by "she's my mom, she provides for me so she can do that".

That's why we later get into abusive relationships and that's why people let governments abuse them. Because of lack of basic self worth regarding our fundamental rights and needs. We feel like we should lose our rights if we refuse the abuse and this is nut.

 

[FuneralCry]

You did the right thing standing up for yourself. Nobody has the right to treat you like that. I wish you well.

 

[SelmaJezkova10]

i love my mom but i accept that she is kinda wrong about something, when i tell her about my depression or my anxiety attacks she says that she had been into more horrible things than me, that she payed her own college, that she worked since she was 16, and it compares to me, a woman that had such easy life but cant have depression or anxiety or low self estime

 

[Insomniac]

i love my mom but i accept that she is kinda wrong about something, when i tell her about my depression or my anxiety attacks she says that she had been into more horrible things than me, that she payed her own college, that she worked since she was 16, and it compares to me, a woman that had such easy life but cant have depression or anxiety or low self estime

if she is a boomer, her generation had it much easier. It was much much much easier for them to get jobs. Things cannot even compare.

Our generation on the contrary, is being replaced by robots and drawing in debt and student loan and unemployment. I'm glad that you love your mom but she's most definitely wrong.

 

[Lmd]

I once pushed my mother so that she would stop beating educating me against the wall. In that moment her face changed and told me that how I dare to raise my hand against her and kids these days grow up abusing their parents so now she had an actual excuse to beat educate me. I learned that I can't touch her.

The next time that I tried to defend myself I threw things to the floor so she couldn't reach me. She ended up calling my grandfather to come because I was "out of control" so he came and looked at me with a disgusted face and told me that I deserved to be beaten educated.

Of course I still tried to improve my life but whatever I did was my fault so my options were killing her or run away. Luckily the second option was on the table.

 

[xBrialesana]

I love this so much I'm SO proud that you stood up for yourself and it gave you such a realization!! Keep at it dude. Narcissistic parenting sucks, especially when you're dependent at an older age (not that 24 is old lol)

I once pushed my mother so that she would stop beating educating me against the wall

as someone who grew up in an extremely violent home, I'm sorry for laughing at your wording lol

 

[Insomniac]

because I was "out of control"

The gaslighting. They're just "educating" you but when you treat them the way they treat you, you're "out of control".

he came and looked at me with a disgusted face

Often, it's the whole family that's rotten. And if you keep allowing them to act like this, there 100% chance that you'll end up abusing someone the same way they abused you, and also 100% chance you'll end up getting abused by romantic partners or else.

 

[Life_and_Death]

if she is a boomer, her generation had it much easier. It was much much much easier for them to get jobs. Things cannot even compare.

Our generation on the contrary, is being replaced by robots and drawing in debt and student loan and unemployment. I'm glad that you love your mom but she's most definitely wrong.

one of the biggest problems i find is the hiring requirements.
"you need at least 2 years of previous experience"
how the hell am i suppose to get previous experience if you wont hire me in the first damn place so i can get it
i understand wanting capable people for the job but COME ON, you dont even give us a chance

 

[Insomniac]

i understand wanting capable people for the job but COME ON, you dont even give us a chance

They're care about performance more than they care about the human experience. They don't care about teaching those who know less or giving everyone a chance or connecting with people or anything else that is humane.

They only care about profit and perfection and if you're not perfect, then you don't deserve to eat and breath.

I really want a revolution to happen and have the leaders of this world be guillotined. On a personal level, I have decided to stop supporting the way things are going. I'll never treat people like disposable ever again and will always share what I have and prioritise people's basic needs over my materialistic needs.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I really want a revolution to happen and have the leaders of this world be guillotined.

the killing them part might be overkill but yeah, something needs to change. everyone's too concerned about themselves to give a shit about others though.

 

[Lmd]

as someone who grew up in an extremely violent home, I'm sorry for laughing at your wording lol

It's fine. I can spend the whole day making jokes about my traumatic experiences.

The gaslighting. They're just "educating" you but when you treat them the way they treat you, you're "out of control".

I learned a lot about the art of discussion with her. Sometimes it was even admirable to see how she created solid arguments to do what she really wanted.

Often, it's the whole family that's rotten. And if you keep allowing them to act like this, there 100% chance that you'll end up abusing someone the same way they abused you, and also 100% chance you'll end up getting abused by romantic partners or else.

Until I get away from there I thought that beat and humiliate people was a normal way to treat someone. I was hardly bullied at school for being "weird" and I had no friends for being a bully with people around me so you can imagine how lonely and lost I was in my childhood lol.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

Just be careful. Shit can change and not in your favor. Take care. I hope the maid can find a better job.

 

[ClownMe]

I have a similar backstory to yours, almost identical in some regards, but my situation is slightly different, im 20, still living at home, with a casual job and help pay rent.

Maybe im being overly optimistic but I think (judging by what you wrote in your post) that there may be some hope for your mother and your relationship with her.

whenever i stand up to my mother she won't even care and will just tell me to kill myself or threaten to kick me out (and she would do it without hesitation as well). At least in your mum's case she took the hint.

Do you talk to her often? Sorry for intruding, but I just think if there's something you can do to fix your relationship with her then you should try it, i wish i could have a decent relationship with my mother (or either of my parents for that matter) but it's never gonna happen because they're both narcassists beyond repair.

 

[Insomniac]

Just be careful. Shit can change and not in your favor. Take care. I hope the maid can find a better job.

I understand what you mean but I realised that this is a pattern in my life that has to stop no matter what. I can't spend my life in fear of being thrown away like garbage because of my mental illness, despite me doing my best. And this starts with my parents, my mom.

She can't throw me outside of the house/evict me. She'd pure pure evil to do that as my presence doesn't cost her anything (there are 4 empty bedrooms in the house). I always clean after myself despite there being a maid and a cleaning guy. I do my own laundry etc.

I'm trying my best to find a job also, despite crippling anxiety and dependence to medication. And SHE IS the reason I'm mentally ill. Her and my father set me up for failure.

As I said, there are no social services in my country and family is all we have. In our cultural context, she has ZERO right to make me feel fear of eviction on a daily basic. In our cultural context, parents are supposed to support their children until they can support themselves.

So I find it disgusting that despite having been raised in such a culture, she has the nerve to be passive aggressive about my situation and think she can just dispose of me because I'm not as successful as her friends kids and she's ashamed that I'm her daughter.

In my culture, the only acceptable reason for me to be evicted would be if I did drugs.

she won't even care and will just tell me to kill myself

... I don't even know what to say. Your mom sounds like she should get cancer and die ASAP.

Do you talk to her often? Sorry for intruding, but I just think if there's something you can do to fix your relationship with her then you should try it,

Having anxiety and depression, I have very little energy so I try to focus it on finding a job ASAP. I don't try at all to fix our relationship because I don't want to love her. I don't want to love someone who betrays her own daughter at her lower point. Because I don't want to have anything to do with someone like that and her whole family is rotten.

 

[hʚll]

i feel your sentiment. and it makes me think of those cases where the victim kills their abuser (often parents), yeah i totally empathize with them.

 

[SuicidalAgain]

This is painful to read because my mother also emotionally abused me. Every time I mention something she has done that has damaged me in some way, she says it wasn't like that at all. My siblings agree with me on many of those things as they have also had their share, but I'm the only one who brings it up and that makes me the bad guy.
There was one time she was screaming at me and I just couldn't take it anymore and I pushed her out of my room (not a violent shove mind you, just enough for her to leave so I could be alone) and in her experience she "will never forget that day in which I beat her"

Same thing happened the day I was admitted in the psychiatric hospital. I told the doctor I didn't want to, and he let my mom decide and she said yes. Then wanted to hug me, of course I didn't want to be hugged, much less by her after what she had just done, I just wanted to be left alone and everything to stop, so again, I pushed her away (not a shove)... And then I had a nurse in there saying I should never hit my mom... When the push happened, we were alone, yet it was still on their records in a stupidly exaggerated way...