Charles
Member
- Jun 24, 2018
- 30
So I am more or less ready to exit. I got all of my tools for an exit bag, so now it's just lying there, waiting to be assembled and used.
I won't go about much of how I feel in regarding to anyone trying to stop me, I do want to go and that is a full conscious, and right minded choice.
At the moment, I believe I will exit this week. Don't know when exactly. Might write my goodbyes here.
I feel..calm, and in my mind I am asking myself is this how someone "normal" would feel..I expect fear, cries, and alike, but I am mostly feeling calm. There is a little..buzz and a little shaking sensation when I think about my last moments..it may be fear, I am not sure. I said to myself..I can do it any time now I want, and I don't feel it now. But I often enough feel the emtpyness and the want to die, therefore this cooldown is nothing much.
I have a concern if somehow I might just end up brain dead, or worse, brain damaged, and incapable of anything but still alive..but I have a backup plan for that, my close family member, would arrange me a legal euthanasia if I ended up just brain damaged. That would definitely be good of a reason to be euthanized legally in Belgium or so. So there is really no option now where I don't die. But I am fairly certain, and sure that I will pass away quickly, also because my health is fairly down, and I am not very fit physically, I am very slim, unhealthy slim, tall and such.
How will I do it?
I will prepare the exit bag..do any kind of mind prep..to calm myself, and I will put on headphones, and my music of choice, start the filling of the bag..and..pull it over my head, following all the things, like exhaling before going in and etc.
I will focus upon my music..and just take a big breath or normal breathing..and after that..if I am conscious and can realise that I can't hear the music, means I am gone...somewhere in the afterlife, and after that..God knows what.
I really ... really fucking badly hope not to wake up in some fucking hell. But my personal belief in Source (what I call God) doesn't allow for such thoughts.
My view on biblical hell..christianity is simple, if it's real, and I am in hell, I will suffer for the rest of eternity, but not for my own sins, but for the sins of God. That's a calming thought to me.
So yeah..this is my situation right now. If in the moment, or later today I feel like going, I will go. If tommorow, I go tommorow.
I perhaps can't control much in my life, but I will sure as shit make sure that I can control my own death, and do it when I feel like it, not feeling forced into it..like I imagine mass shooters do, when they do some irreversible shit and either way lose their life, so they are kind of forced into killing themselves. I personally enjoy knowing I can stop at any given moment and do it later, and no force involved.
Anyone wanting to chat about anything, welcome to pm me, or write anything in this thread.
I am a very philosophical person.
Thanks for reading this.
I won't go about much of how I feel in regarding to anyone trying to stop me, I do want to go and that is a full conscious, and right minded choice.
At the moment, I believe I will exit this week. Don't know when exactly. Might write my goodbyes here.
I feel..calm, and in my mind I am asking myself is this how someone "normal" would feel..I expect fear, cries, and alike, but I am mostly feeling calm. There is a little..buzz and a little shaking sensation when I think about my last moments..it may be fear, I am not sure. I said to myself..I can do it any time now I want, and I don't feel it now. But I often enough feel the emtpyness and the want to die, therefore this cooldown is nothing much.
I have a concern if somehow I might just end up brain dead, or worse, brain damaged, and incapable of anything but still alive..but I have a backup plan for that, my close family member, would arrange me a legal euthanasia if I ended up just brain damaged. That would definitely be good of a reason to be euthanized legally in Belgium or so. So there is really no option now where I don't die. But I am fairly certain, and sure that I will pass away quickly, also because my health is fairly down, and I am not very fit physically, I am very slim, unhealthy slim, tall and such.
How will I do it?
I will prepare the exit bag..do any kind of mind prep..to calm myself, and I will put on headphones, and my music of choice, start the filling of the bag..and..pull it over my head, following all the things, like exhaling before going in and etc.
I will focus upon my music..and just take a big breath or normal breathing..and after that..if I am conscious and can realise that I can't hear the music, means I am gone...somewhere in the afterlife, and after that..God knows what.
I really ... really fucking badly hope not to wake up in some fucking hell. But my personal belief in Source (what I call God) doesn't allow for such thoughts.
My view on biblical hell..christianity is simple, if it's real, and I am in hell, I will suffer for the rest of eternity, but not for my own sins, but for the sins of God. That's a calming thought to me.
So yeah..this is my situation right now. If in the moment, or later today I feel like going, I will go. If tommorow, I go tommorow.
I perhaps can't control much in my life, but I will sure as shit make sure that I can control my own death, and do it when I feel like it, not feeling forced into it..like I imagine mass shooters do, when they do some irreversible shit and either way lose their life, so they are kind of forced into killing themselves. I personally enjoy knowing I can stop at any given moment and do it later, and no force involved.
Anyone wanting to chat about anything, welcome to pm me, or write anything in this thread.
I am a very philosophical person.
Thanks for reading this.
