Venting TO DIE OR NOT TO DIE

[StarryStarry]

I'm sitting in bed not knowing what to do. A large part of me wants to ctb, but I am so afraid that my cat will not be taken care of after I'm gone. That is honestly the only thing that is stopping me. I know it sounds stupid, but my cat is my life. She's 12 years old and I just took her to the vet for a checkup and she is in good health. She could live another 5 or 6 years, but if I leave her she may be euthanized because of her age. It makes me cry to even think of it. I've thought of taking her with me, but I just can't do it. I can't take her life, she deserves so much more.

I could move away from where I am, but moving is just my physical being moving, my issues, depression, PTSD and anxiety follow me wherever I go. I have enough money now to go back to where my little girl is buried to be cremated and be with her. I can't find a job where I am because the last attorney I worked for not only fired me (remember he is the one who cursed and screamed at me for no reason), he lied and denied me unemployment and now he refuses to send me my tax papers so I can file taxes. Oh yes, he has all the power (good thing I'm not homicidal). I feel so beaten down and I don't think I can ever get over what has happened to me over the years. My ex-husband and the last attorney were so much alike it's scary. So, if I leave here I have to drive by myself with my cat 3,000 miles, I have to give up everything I've worked for the past 30 years, and start all over. That's hard to do at my age. My stress is overwhelming, I am loses handfuls of hair and am unable to eat (not a big deal).

Part of me wants so bad to ctb. Just to close my eyes and never wake up. Never have to deal with people who intentionally hurt me, insult me, make fun of my depression. I won't have any more teats, anger, sadness, loneliness. I have to decide by Monday. I wish so hard I could just die in my sleep. Just go to sleep and never wake up, but it won't be that easy.

Thanks for listening.

 

[orange]

I'm so so sorry about your situation. Hell is other people.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand that it is hard to carry on when you are suffering so much. I'm sorry you have to go through this. Some people are just so cruel. Living is very painful. I also wish I could die in my sleep, it sounds so peaceful to never have to experience anything ever again. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[GentleJerk]

Oh my dear I'm so sorry, there is so much about what you are going through that must be unbelievably painful and difficult. Your cat is one lucky fur-baby to have you. I'm sure if it came down to it, you could find a loving forever home somewhere for your kitty.

I can't imagine how deeply hurtful it must be to have lost your daughter, no one should have to go through that. Also the last attorney you worked for sounds like a real piece of work and you're damn right he's lucky you you are not homicidal! I certainly know that feeling of not wanting to wake up, my daughter's uncle passed away mysteriously in his sleep, everybody always talks about what a tragedy it was and I have to bite my tongue- maybe tonight I'll get that lucky... I really hope that everything works out for you in a way that is as perfect as can be.

Of course you can vent here anytime and we will always listen.

 

[Wrennie]

I'm sitting in bed not knowing what to do. A large part of me wants to ctb, but I am so afraid that my cat will not be taken care of after I'm gone. That is honestly the only thing that is stopping me. I know it sounds stupid, but my cat is my life. She's 12 years old and I just took her to the vet for a checkup and she is in good health. She could live another 5 or 6 years, but if I leave her she may be euthanized because of her age. It makes me cry to even think of it. I've thought of taking her with me, but I just can't do it. I can't take her life, she deserves so much more.

I could move away from where I am, but moving is just my physical being moving, my issues, depression, PTSD and anxiety follow me wherever I go. I have enough money now to go back to where my little girl is buried to be cremated and be with her. I can't find a job where I am because the last attorney I worked for not only fired me (remember he is the one who cursed and screamed at me for no reason), he lied and denied me unemployment and now he refuses to send me my tax papers so I can file taxes. Oh yes, he has all the power (good thing I'm not homicidal). I feel so beaten down and I don't think I can ever get over what has happened to me over the years. My ex-husband and the last attorney were so much alike it's scary. So, if I leave here I have to drive by myself with my cat 3,000 miles, I have to give up everything I've worked for the past 30 years, and start all over. That's hard to do at my age. My stress is overwhelming, I am loses handfuls of hair and am unable to eat (not a big deal).

Part of me wants so bad to ctb. Just to close my eyes and never wake up. Never have to deal with people who intentionally hurt me, insult me, make fun of my depression. I won't have any more teats, anger, sadness, loneliness. I have to decide by Monday. I wish so hard I could just die in my sleep. Just go to sleep and never wake up, but it won't be that easy.

Thanks for listening.

Your reasons aren't stupid at all. It makes sense to want to hold out for your kitty. Animals are our family, after all.

Sometimes I feel as though my love for my kitties are one of the reasons why I'm still here. I hope that you're able to find at least some small semblance of comfort in being together with her in spite of all of the misfortune & agony that life has unjustly thrust upon you. I'm so sorry that now you're feeling even more cornered than you were before, though.

Ideally, there should be more 'No Kill' shelters/humane societies accessible so that people wouldn't have to worry about the fates of their beloved pets if they're ever forced into a position where they are no longer able to care for them.

Your former employer sounds like a sociopathic piece of human garbage, and honestly he should be the one in your shoes right now, not you.

How such blatantly barbaric behavior is tolerated in what most would deem a 'civilized' society is beyond me. At times I feel humanity is truly no less primitive than the apes that we 'evolved' from.