Venting To be taken seriously...

[Vuliex]

I dont have many friends in real life and I use online spaces to find friends. I live in the middle of no where and the people my age just kinda suck or are distant pals. I've been friends with a group of people for literally years specifically someone I'll call S. I've known S for four years and he has seen through thick and thin with me. He has slowly began to take me less and less seriously. He is the only one I confide in and yesterday he told me he "Just doesnt care about the stuff i say". I have no one to tell stuff besides him. In our friend groups space we were making jokes and he made a tiny suicide joke and I replied saying something along the lines of "oh yeah yet I cant joke around like this". It caused a chain reaction of people going off on me specifically because I am the only one with actual shit going on and then how i care to much when i got upset with people. To be told I shouldn't care so much for those I've cherished and shared so much and to be told they dont give a shit about me is terrible. I privately messaged S and I've been explaining the fact I was largely medialess for a while and only kept in contact with him. He told me I shouldn't even care about him like I do because I didn't consistently talk with him over two years. He knows i was severally depressed due to me being severally SA'd and did my best to keep and contact with him. He is clearly stating my value and cherishment of him isnt the same at all. I have no one now. No one to talk to or anything. He took lead of making a barrage of people i cared so deeply about to harm me at a low point. My mental health is obviously a joke to my 'friends'. I havent thought about CTB in a about a year yet today was my tipping point. I am no longer self harm free as well. I feel guilty and upset and bitter and dont know what to do. The little thought of if i just died I wouldnt have to worry about being taken seriously yet I never could commit because I would feel to guilty. Id miss out a lot and I run off spite at my worse. Self harming was a needed feeling though during all this.

Have a good day sunshines. Cope how ya can.
(excuse my poor typing im shaky while writing)

 

[AerialBoundaries]

I got found outside of my house, last night. I'm a fucking disgrace. Please, save me.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I'm sorry this happened. I can relate because people I thought were friends dropped me even knowing how badly I was suffering. S sounds like a particularly callous person. I could say you're better off without him in your life, but that won't necessarily make the loss of the relationship hurt any less right now. I will say that there are accepting and good people do exist, even if they are rare.

 

[FuneralCry]

After all, you just cannot trust and rely on people, it's simply just the way that things are and of course people can certainly be so insensitive. It's awful how people can be so cruel and just create more suffering which is why it's for the best to be alone.

 

[Al Gul]

I am very sorry that the people you relied on weren't there for you. And the fact they abandon you just like that, it's disgusting. It sounds more like social playing at their status than it does giving a single thought to how their behaviour actually affects anyone.

 

[Vuliex]

I got found outside of my house, last night. I'm a fucking disgrace. Please, save me.

I hope things get better man. Shits difficult. Cope the best ya can.

I am very sorry that the people you relied on weren't there for you. And the fact they abandon you just like that, it's disgusting. It sounds more like social playing at their status than it does giving a single thought to how their behaviour actually affects anyone.

After all, you just cannot trust and rely on people, it's simply just the way that things are and of course people can certainly be so insensitive. It's awful how people can be so cruel and just create more suffering which is why it's for the best to be alone.

I'm sorry this happened. I can relate because people I thought were friends dropped me even knowing how badly I was suffering. S sounds like a particularly callous person. I could say you're better off without him in your life, but that won't necessarily make the loss of the relationship hurt any less right now. I will say that there are accepting and good people do exist, even if they are rare.

Thank you so much for the for the words. Today has been better yet I havent let myself catch a break today between classes, work, and working on art. ^^