To Be Found Or Not

[ctbsd24]

I go back and forth on this one. On the one hand, it's appealing to just kind of "disappear" and be done with it. On the other hand, I know I'd feel guilty for not providing people closure. What do you guys think?

 

[FuneralCry]

If I no longer exist then it couldn't matter to me as after all this cruel, painful existence will no longer be my concern, I'll be at peace instead, being found could give others some closure if they know what happened rather than wondering but I personally really wish I could erase my existence like I never suffered at all.

 

[chester]

it's appealing to just kind of "disappear"

Why though? It's not like it's something you'd get to experience or observe once you're gone. It's not that I have any strong arguments against it, but I'm struggling to find any for it.

 

[coffeebeany]

I go back and forth on this one. On the one hand, it's appealing to just kind of "disappear" and be done with it. On the other hand, I know I'd feel guilty for not providing people closure. What do you guys think? I think if you do have people you care about and whom you want to give closure you should. I had been contemplating the same but I know now that I want my beloved partner and friends to.

 

[iusedtobehappy]

After reading the funeral directors thread I'd prefer not to be found. No autopsy, no being stored in a freezer, no being seen naked against my will.

 

[alienfreak]

After reading the funeral directors thread I'd prefer not to be found. No autopsy, no being stored in a freezer, no being seen naked against my will.

Fuel for some sort of post-death social anxiety

 

[shinigami_1992]

Fuel for some sort of post-death social anxiety

I can't help but laugh a bit. Post-death social anxiety ;) Relevance hits me as I suffer from MAJOR, like you can't imagine, social anxiety(which tbh, is not really impacting me much as long as ppl mind their own business). Like i can go to shop, make calls, etc. BUT when ppl become too much, start to disturb me too much(like phone call/in person harassment) then when its really bad. Like boundaries basically.

As for found versus not-It depends on circumstances. Depends FIRST if family know you are suicidal/planning suicide and for which reasons. Bcuz then they could link disapperance x potential suicide. Although nobody says, you can;t disappear and leave them letter. Right?

I believe if family loves you, partner or kids-they kinda deserve to know and closure. You often hear stories of ppl not getting over 'disappearances' of loved ones, ppl giving up lives and searching, giving up jobs and themselves bcuz their normality and fact 'I know' what happened is gone. Bcuz then they don't know and they get stuck in life with usually pointless hope.

Like-bcuz I have complex situation due to mess British NHS('outstanding' national healthcare) did to me, I have to be found. I need NOT only be found, I am leaving specific instructions regarding funeral, my wishes regarding burial/my possessions, and video recorded testimony of what really occured to me that pushes me to decision like that.

Like-the mess NHS did, I am kind of not believing is fixable. It went on for years, multiple misdiagnoses, the way I was treated bcuz of misdiagnoses and my doctor 'charming/sugarcoating me' in kinda abusive x coercive manner\(plus sexually molesting me under treatment disguises and going further and me fearing her bcuz i was raped and sexually abused before/survived rape attempt) that all is well and she is helping and treatment is being provided and my fault bcuz I ain;t getting better whilst they do their best.

Like I have no power to state full picture of what she and they all did to me and how many years their lies and deceit lasted but the way they been affecting me led to severe health deterioration, CNS damages(irreversible) and severe financial losses as they failed to realize how severe my condtition is, how it affects me, how vulnerable, weak and sick I am, and bcuz the misdiagnoses related psychiatry x mental health(with major claim being that I am antisocial, where I socialize fine with right ppl and not too many ppl), they fed me meds that made me sicker, and bcuz they were pushing me to socialize too hard, I fell victim to fraudsters(major financial irreperable losses going in tens thousands of pounds over 'treatment' period)

Basically I been misdiagnosed by them(like they failed to listen bcuz I said what was wrong, and dr said they 'know better' and I am problem) at least 4x times and they failed to understand REAL situation in which I was at least 4x times(leading to NO relevant help given, and me being badly abused-like on at least 4x instances those mentally ill NHS ppl read my situation wrong, and they failed me). Bcuz of this I received inappropriate and very harmful treatment(and no relistic help and support as I was influenced, and manipulated by them aka 'diagnoses) that caused further really major harm of physical and psychiatric nature(is very long story-maybe I will put one day), and I am of course still not receiving adequate treatment.

I have obviously no funds for lawyer/legal battles, I am totally left in non functional state. Like I know I can survive on benefits, and if at least my past(youth) went normal, I'd not mind as I'd just say 'it happened, it is what it is, life has changed' BUT I can;t let it go and move on. I just can;t. Bcuz of the financial losses(like very severe losses) my presence and future is badly affected.

They investigating but they taking time. And my time is running out.

I mean my losses are so severe, to just put me right in place where I'd have been if negligence haven;t occured: we are talking of at least 200,000£.


Then if we talk functionality x job x psychiatric/physical injuries-the harm is so severe, we are looking at minimum of 5years of recovery. I need to see certain spercialists(the wait time to see them is almost 10 months away) and bcuz of all of NHS as system, to receive factual treatment, It may be up to another 1-2 years as I need classified drugs(probably ketamine) long-term or adequate alternatives. Like any way, doesn;t matter which way I look at it I am scre**d. I mean, there is no option to go private or any other ways. I considered all options, considered healthcare in other countries(where it would be safe-I am not talking Turkey or some 'holiday medical treatment'). No. Like I looked properly into healthcare in other countries, standards and packages/prices. There is too many hooks, requirements(like UK has them too, but its different where you localized in place vs not).

But this meesage was supposed to be about found or not. I'd say, if you REALLY do not want be found bcuz of whatever personal reason/ post death anxiety risk ;)- leave them proper explanations or video recorded message. Telll them they will never find you bcuz you want it to be this way. Like I am not saying is right, or ideal or you'd be believed(bcuz ppl write messages and record videos under influence or coercion too-I know bcuz i was victim of several overpowering and demanding ppl who defrauded me using my vulnerable state/how NHS diagnoses were affecting my view of things) BUT is like middle ground. Like some comfort, some knowledge but you still get to 'disappear'

 

[HopeToStay]

It would be nice to just disappear from the face of the earth. I don't want my body to exist if my spirit doesn't.

However one thing i absolutely don't want is any publicity, no missing persons or pictures in the newspaper. So that means i have to be found, and within days of it happening.

 

[iusedtobehappy]

I don't want my body to exist if my spirit doesn't.

I FEEL this!

 

[emptymiku]

for me, i'd rather be found. i wouldn't feel right leaving people wondering what happened until they die, or giving them false hope that i would still be alive.