Help TMS experiences?

[eternal.peace]

Hope this is the right place to post this and that it is okay to ask about this, I'm newer here.

I'm curious if anyone here has gone through TMS and what their experience was? Long story short, I was receiving treatment for an ED at a facility last year, and in a state of vulnerability, consented to TMS without fully understanding everything about it. I was in a decent place depression-wise at the time, in fact I would argue I wasn't really even feeling depressed. More so working through trauma symptoms (the main trigger for my ED behaviors). Ever since I completed the TMS treatments, I have not felt like myself. I don't know any other way to put it, and it's been progressively getting worse and worse. It's like my brain feels broken. I have severe depression, extreme suicidal ideations (obvs why I'm here), anhedonia, apathy, feel like I can't function, can't get out of bed. Sciatica. Tinnitus. Simple tasks feel insurmountable. I feel like a zombie essentially. I have had depressive episodes before, but they've never been this severe or lasted this long. I've been trying to figure out for the past several months why I've been feeling this way and the only thing that has come to mind is the TMS treatment--that this is not who I was before receiving treatment. I know there's supposed to be no side effects, but it really makes me curious if it messed with my brain somehow. I was just curious to see if there were any others out there like me who have had similar experiences.... or maybe this is all in my head. Who knows Anyways thank you for reading.

 

[thetrout]

Weird coincidence. I was just this minute looking into this therapy. Also looking into ketamine or spravato. Curious to learn if others have any experience with these treatments.

 

[deadinside777]

Apathy, feeling like I can't function, can't get out of bed, is exactly how I feel. Like my brain is broken. Haven't had TMS tho. This is the most severe depresssion I've had and I'm losing. Just know you aren't alone

 

[ipmanwc0]

Hope this is the right place to post this and that it is okay to ask about this, I'm newer here.

I'm curious if anyone here has gone through TMS and what their experience was? Long story short, I was receiving treatment for an ED at a facility last year, and in a state of vulnerability, consented to TMS without fully understanding everything about it. I was in a decent place depression-wise at the time, in fact I would argue I wasn't really even feeling depressed. More so working through trauma symptoms (the main trigger for my ED behaviors). Ever since I completed the TMS treatments, I have not felt like myself. I don't know any other way to put it, and it's been progressively getting worse and worse. It's like my brain feels broken. I have severe depression, extreme suicidal ideations (obvs why I'm here), anhedonia, apathy, feel like I can't function, can't get out of bed. Sciatica. Tinnitus. Simple tasks feel insurmountable. I feel like a zombie essentially. I have had depressive episodes before, but they've never been this severe or lasted this long. I've been trying to figure out for the past several months why I've been feeling this way and the only thing that has come to mind is the TMS treatment--that this is not who I was before receiving treatment. I know there's supposed to be no side effects, but it really makes me curious if it messed with my brain somehow. I was just curious to see if there were any others out there like me who have had similar experiences.... or maybe this is all in my head. Who knows Anyways thank you for reading.

TMS doesn't do this.

 

[eternal.peace]

Apathy, feeling like I can't function, can't get out of bed, is exactly how I feel. Like my brain is broken. Haven't had TMS tho. This is the most severe depresssion I've had and I'm losing. Just know you aren't alone

Thank you, it's a tough place to be. <3

 

[Inthewind]

I haven't had servere experiences or been to a treatment center for anything. I have felt off like my brain had something wrong with it and I kept thinking that it was caused by something in the past I couldn't remember, I have ceased thinking this way personally, I feel like I was causing myself the problems a little. I caused myself the ancxiety, and memory problems, etc. I now have been trying to be thinking from a different point of view, like, "oh I forgot what I was doing, or what was my childhood or specific events that were major but not long ago.." To me feeling like losing my memory and not even being 50, and just still super young, was panicking, Im not panicking anymore and I feel like that was what was causing my memory to be wack. I am uncertain if true, but I feel like I saw somewhere that someone couldnt understand their origin language, like english and when people spoke to them it was gibberish, after a few days they understood english again, it was because their brain was like too anxious or something and it had like a shut down in a way.

 

[eternal.peace]

Weird coincidence. I was just this minute looking into this therapy. Also looking into ketamine or spravato. Curious to learn if others have any experience with these treatments.

I've done spravato and ketamine treatments previously, and found them helpful for my trauma symptoms (at the time, as I mentioned in my post, I wasn't struggling quite as much with depression, it was more so trauma symptoms). But whatever triggered this severe depressive episode/what feels like some kind of brain injury kind of "un-did" the benefits I received from ketamine. I honestly wish I could do spravato or ketamine txs again because I think it would help with the depression, but they're hella expensive and I have shitty insurance so I can't afford it.

I'm still weary of TMS. It's just the only concrete thing I can recall that happened prior to me feeling like this. And it's such a new treatment from my understanding, I'm just unsure how developed the research is.

 

[Larysa]

Negative TMS experience here:
Post in thread 'Im going to get TMS therapy'
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/im-going-to-get-tms-therapy.131953/post-2151153

 

[eternal.peace]

I haven't had servere experiences or been to a treatment center for anything. I have felt off like my brain had something wrong with it and I kept thinking that it was caused by something in the past I couldn't remember, I have ceased thinking this way personally, I feel like I was causing myself the problems a little. I caused myself the ancxiety, and memory problems, etc. I now have been trying to be thinking from a different point of view, like, "oh I forgot what I was doing, or what was my childhood or specific events that were major but not long ago.." To me feeling like losing my memory and not even being 50, and just still super young, was panicking, Im not panicking anymore and I feel like that was what was causing my memory to be wack. I am uncertain if true, but I feel like I saw somewhere that someone couldnt understand their origin language, like english and when people spoke to them it was gibberish, after a few days they understood english again, it was because their brain was like too anxious or something and it had like a shut down in a way.

Thank you for this perspective, yeah I very well could be placebo-ing my way into believing there's something wrong with my brain. The placebo effect can be pretty incredible in that sense, so I can acknowledge that. It's just so frustrating to all of the sudden just not feel like yourself, decline to a place of nearly non-functioning, and not be able to pinpoint the cause. But I digress now I'm just venting.

Negative TMS experience here:
Post in thread 'Im going to get TMS therapy'
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/im-going-to-get-tms-therapy.131953/post-2151153

Thank you <3 it is comforting to know I'm not alone in that.