Zanmato
Member
- Apr 4, 2024
- 94
In these days I feel like my "depression" is going worse and worse.
I feel like so close to try to put an end to my life.
Today I woke up and I felt so tired (mentally).
I didn't even eated, today.
I tried, when I felt a bit hungry, but when I started, I didn't felt hungry anymore.
I wish I could spent all my day on my bed, but of course I had to work.
So now I'm tired physically too.
Thanks life.
Then, I was looking at my wrists, and I thought about a cut on them.
Maybe this is not the best way to CTB, but I wish I wasn't so afraid about it.
When I drive, when I have to go back home, I speed up on a street.
In the end, I brake the car, but I wonder what if I won't do that in time.
What if I just have a crash (not against another car), or if I fall down that bridge?
Is not too high, so it might be useless, or I would end up in a very bad condition.
I kinda hate this fear of death.
I feel like I'm trapped here.
And I wonder: Am I afraid also because I would feel bad to someone who would miss me?
I guess just a few people.
And my cat, mainly.
The one who owns an animal can totally understand, I know it
I feel like so close to try to put an end to my life.
Today I woke up and I felt so tired (mentally).
I didn't even eated, today.
I tried, when I felt a bit hungry, but when I started, I didn't felt hungry anymore.
I wish I could spent all my day on my bed, but of course I had to work.
So now I'm tired physically too.
Thanks life.
Then, I was looking at my wrists, and I thought about a cut on them.
Maybe this is not the best way to CTB, but I wish I wasn't so afraid about it.
When I drive, when I have to go back home, I speed up on a street.
In the end, I brake the car, but I wonder what if I won't do that in time.
What if I just have a crash (not against another car), or if I fall down that bridge?
Is not too high, so it might be useless, or I would end up in a very bad condition.
I kinda hate this fear of death.
I feel like I'm trapped here.
And I wonder: Am I afraid also because I would feel bad to someone who would miss me?
I guess just a few people.
And my cat, mainly.
The one who owns an animal can totally understand, I know it
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