Olive_Branch
New Member
- Mar 17, 2023
- 1
I am running out of ways to manage all of this. ctb would probably be the best thing I could ever do with my useless life. I am barely grasping reality, constantly spiraling, have MS and am becoming increasingly disabled as more time passes, stuck waiting for care that moves incredibly slow, had to move back in with parents who constantly insult and threaten me. They also don't like that I am trans and want to make me stop transitioning and it seems more and more like everyone wants to execute people like me. I'm too much of a feeble idiot to get it together enough to move out and hardly have any friends left because all I do is talk about wanting to die and they're all sick of it. I am burdening my family financially and emotionally and have made no impact on the lives of my friends. I can't hold a job to save my life. I am 30 years old and still going through this fucking shit. Been trying to get on SSDI since I physically can't really work anymore but I'm too tired to deal with the bureaucratic limbo that involves. I just do not want to live. I wish I could just buy a gun and get it over with but I just had to screw it up by failing by attempt to ctb a couple years ago and got 5150'd and barred from purchasing firearms lol. Figuring out how I'm going to do this and then getting it done. I really see no future for me where anything gets better. I'm not hoping to get anything out of posting this I just want to put this somewhere where someone might see it and understand me instead of calling the police on me or some bullshit like that. Ending myself is literally the smartest thing I could possibly do. I firmly believe this.
