Venting tired of pro-lifers in disguise

[ecmnesia]

this site is probably full of them.

you start talking, believing that the user is pro-choice just to one day all of the sudden he starts dismissing your reasons and acting as if you are not capable of making your own decisions.

be careful with whom you start talking. it's heartbreaking to be treated as irrational, as lazy and a quitter. people know you for last than a month and suddenly believe they have the right to say you haven't been through enough to consider cbt.

to any pro-lifer who does this exact same thing, fuck you. if you have nothing good to say, just don't say anything. stop pushing you values to other people. just leave us alone. is not too much to ask. we do not need your approval, but we certainly don't need your narrow-minded opinion about us.

it's horrible to put your trust in someone who just ends up dismissing you. yes this might be shaming without naming, but honestly i am so tired of hearing that i am not trying enough. that i give up too easily or that i am selfish for chosing cbt. curiously enough, wanting someone to stay alive for your own sake is excusable. you are not selfish for wishing people to stick around so you don't feel pain, but i am condemnable because I don't want to live in pain.

i am so tired. is hard enough being trapped in here. is hard enough deciding to cbt. i don't need one more burden to carry. if you really want what's best for us, please just let us be. there is a difference between helping and just being a general asshole. I'm sick of you people who think you can guilty trip others. You are scum, and i will not apologize for saying so.

 

[yive]

absolutely agree with your point of view.

there are really a lot of pro-lifers here, and people who think they know better than you how you should act in this fucking life. we have the right to do as we see fit with our lives, and you have no right to tell us what to do.

so go to hell, pro-lifers!

 

[spathiphyllum]

I wonder if some of them are actually afraid that some of us can think about ending it all, and that deep down, they themselves have thought about the same things.

 

[SmellyRat]

so go to hell, pro-lifers!

Amen to that

 

[CoalmineCanary]

You knew this was coming for the pro-lifers...

 

[Meditation guide]

there is a difference between helping and just being a general asshole. I'm sick of you people who think you can guilty trip others. You are scum, and i will not apologize for saying so.

I know what you mean. They are here wearing their masks of being nice at first but they can't keep that up. We know who some of you guys are so don't think you can fool us. Go some place else to try to feel like you are a worthwhile person on a mission to do good. You aren't good and you know it.

 

[SmellyRat]

I know what you mean. They are here wearing their masks of being nice at first but they can't keep that up. We know who some of you guys are so don't think you can fool us. Go some place else to try to feel like you are a worthwhile person on a mission to do good. You aren't good and you know it.

What these "do gooder" bastards don't realize is that by being pro-life they are = pro-suffering since people aren't given the choice to choose.

 

[Meditation guide]

The thing is, they are not really pro life aside from probably having a religious obsession. These are some of the nastiest people in the world. They know it too, inside. It's aggressive personalities, who get off on fooling and manipulating people and trying to think they are doing good. Sick bastards.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

We get our share of pro lifers but we also get "pro deathers." I've had run ins with both and they're equally annoying.

 

[CoalmineCanary]

The thing is, they are not really pro life aside from probably having a religious obsession. These are some of the nastiest people in the world. They know it too, inside. It's aggressive personalities, who get off on fooling and manipulating people and trying to think they are doing good. Sick bastards.

On Religiosity:



So I have to forgive them a little bit...in the same way they forgive me for my illness...

 

[Setepai]

this site is probably full of them.

you start talking, believing that the user is pro-choice just to one day all of the sudden he starts dismissing your reasons and acting as if you are not capable of making your own decisions.

be careful with whom you start talking. it's heartbreaking to be treated as irrational, as lazy and a quitter. people know you for last than a month and suddenly believe they have the right to say you haven't been through enough to consider cbt.

to any pro-lifer who does this exact same thing, fuck you. if you have nothing good to say, just don't say anything. stop pushing you values to other people. just leave us alone. is not too much to ask. we do not need your approval, but we certainly don't need your narrow-minded opinion about us.

it's horrible to put your trust in someone who just ends up dismissing you. yes this might be shaming without naming, but honestly i am so tired of hearing that i am not trying enough. that i give up too easily or that i am selfish for chosing cbt. curiously enough, wanting someone to stay alive for your own sake is excusable. you are not selfish for wishing people to stick around so you don't feel pain, but i am condemnable because I don't want to live in pain.

i am so tired. is hard enough being trapped in here. is hard enough deciding to cbt. i don't need one more burden to carry. if you really want what's best for us, please just let us be. there is a difference between helping and just being a general asshole. I'm sick of you people who think you can guilty trip others. You are scum, and i will not apologize for saying so.

Sorry about my english. Today I've saw something almost like that:
https://pulmonaryfibrosisnews.com/2020/10/15/avoid-toxic-positivity-help-patients/

When we have a chronic ant fatal illness people underrate our reality... This is boring.

 

[shay23]

People have a saviour complex to help their own ego, pro-lifers coming on here before even trying to understand suicide or suicidal people.

 

[Meditation guide]

Sorry about my english. Today I've saw something almost like that:
https://pulmonaryfibrosisnews.com/2020/10/15/avoid-toxic-positivity-help-patients/

When we have a chronic ant fatal illness people underrate our reality... This is boring.

great article

being present and not trying to fix the situation will be a welcome change from unrealistic, positive phrases about how things will get better. This is especially true if a situation won't improve, such as life with a progressive illness.











;

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I've experienced this too. I think these people mean well and aren't always against suicide as a whole, but when it comes down it it they're so eager to see the good in another person's life and gloss over the issues that they fail to understand why we actually want to die and they come to see our choice as incorrect.

 

[MrBlue]

I'm lucky enough not to have personally encountered anyone here encouraging either way, but I agree that it's an absolutely shitty thing to do. Especially because dismissing suicide as ever an option to consider tends to go hand in hand with dismissing someone's problems entirely.

The amount of times that I've mentioned that I am(or have been) suicidal/depressed and then told, "well if you're considering that you've clearly not tried", or dismissing obviously wrong things done to me because I'm clearly 'too emotional' is pretty infuriating.

While I think there are issues with making it an us Vs them from any side, I fully understand the frustration. I'm sorry that anyone on here has to go through that.

 

[Meditation guide]

they're so eager to see the good in another person's life and gloss over the issues that they fail to understand why we actually want to die and they come to see our choice as incorrect.

They say they aren't against suicide but they actually are. Don't get fooled. If they were not against it they would understand. They pretend to be pro suicide but actions speak louder than words and look at how they try to stop you. If they see your choice as incorrect, that is the definition of pro life.

Once you start talking to them it always ends up with them trying to convince you not to in some way.

 

[Quinlor]

I probably can be considered pro life for others lately. The fact is that my severe depression phase passed, so I unconsciously try to said "good things" here in SS with afraid of get bad again
Sorry if I hurt someone here.

 

[Quinlor]

HAPPY HAPPY!

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I don't deny that pro-lifers are out here doing this kind of stuff and maybe I'm just really stupid or not looking in the right threads, but I haven't really seen any people acting like this. Then again though their posts could be getting reported/deleted before I get a chance to see them or this could all be happening in private messages...

 

[Quinlor]

atta boy! Almost there!

man, what do you doing? Isn't a fuck game

 

[Meditation guide]

man, what do you doing? Isn't a fuck game

Sorry I was feeling silly after a hard day. I didn't mean to be rude, just wanted to relax and be silly.

 

[ecmnesia]

this could all be happening in private messages...

haven't see it on the threads either. to me, it's was through PMs

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Is the pattern one of targeting new members?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

haven't see it on the threads either. to me, it's was through PMs

Ah, that makes sense. Guess we can't always trust the way someone might act when they're out of the public eye...

 

[Meditation guide]

Is the pattern one of targeting new members?

Yes quite a bit of that. They pounce on new members: "you can talk to me if you need someone to talk to"

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

They pretend to be pro suicide but actions speak louder than words and look at how they try to stop you. If they see your choice as incorrect, that is the definition of pro life.

You mean they pretend to be pro-choice, not pro-suicide, at least I hope?

 

[Meditation guide]

You mean they pretend to be pro-choice, not pro-suicide, at least I hope?

Pro choice I meant.
Yes they pretend to be pro choice. Sorry for the mistake in words.

 

[Silver]

There was someone in chat a week ago or so who was a pro-lifer. Everyone ignored her lol.

 

[Aeathelina]

It does irritate me that it's hard in general to have honest conversations about suicidal thoughts generally less positive topics because it always rounds back to "just be happy or keep your chin up."
Yea because being happy is gonna stop me from being homeless and depressed.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

@ecmnesia, I think posts like this are helpful to the community, to warn others to watch out for harmful behavior that goes on in PMs.

As far as shaming the perpetrators, you can shame folks all day long, but if you don't name them, then they're likely not going to be motivated to change their behavior or go away, they'll just find another target, so they need be named to the mods and/or the community.

A more immediate concern, though, is that you and another member have recently had pro-life-type folks reel you in via PMs and then reveal to you their ulterior motives, which has been painful to experience. So I'm wondering if you can analyze their behaviors now to better protect yourself going forward, and if you want to, give the community an idea of what to look out for, what kinds of tactics they used that, in retrospect, should set off red flags. Here's what I mean...

Spoiler: How to do an analysis

Predators of any kind, folks who want to reel someone in to trust them only to later betray them, are going to use certain behaviors to push boundaries and get a green light to keep moving forward. They may love-bomb (go overboard with positive words, affection, loving emojis), do a pity play (like the kidnapper who asks a child to help them find their lost puppy -- a play for pity is always a request to lower a self-protective boundary for the other's benefit), mirror (you reveal something personal such as an experience or preference and they say they're the same or very similar), get you to worry about them or want to take on their emotional burdens to fix them, ask lots of questions to learn about you but not reveal much about themselves, reveal something intimate about themselves and you feel obligated to disclose in kind -- most people may do one of these things to build intimacy, but a predator is going to use multiple tactics, and one usually senses a red flag but then explains it away or accepts excuses for the behaviors. If you question a behavior or ask them to stop, they may discard you, threaten to leave, threaten self-harm, threaten suicide, etc. They may suddenly ghost you, then return later to see how badly you're willing to let them treat you. In conversations, instead of being direct and honest, they may use manipulation tactics to evade, redirect the focus, etc. (see the Manipulation Tactics thread in Off Topic). Or the target may find themselves getting into frustrating circular conversations that aren't about the issue being discussed (again, see Manipulation Tactics). A shortcut to figuiring out that last part is when one feels confused or frustrated, to stop and ask themselves: Is the issue I'm discussing the issue they're discussing? If the issue isn't really the issue, it's about the other person, and they're fighting, sometimes for something you're not offering; you don't need so much to figure it out as to just figure out that they're fighting you, and what would be your wisest next move, because they're not approaching you from a mutually beneficial, win-win perspective, and if they start that early in the relationship, that's what you can expect from them.

You don't have to do this kind of analysis, but I highly recommend it so that you can be empowered rather than repeatedly victimized at worst and frustrated at best.

Also, it may be helpful to consider not doing PMs at all. I empathize with wanting the intimacy of a friend, being able to share more than one can on the forum, but...

Spoiler: PM discernment

there's also the risk of them repeating something you don't want shared (which they may use against you for emotional blackmail), and also the ethical burden of someone doing something questionable in private rather than out in the open, therefore one has to decide whether to disclose the private conversation, worry about being vulnerable to others not believing them, etc. The early weeks and even months of a PM relationship should be fairly innocuous, and it should be comfortable to expand boundaries, not feel rushed, pushed, or like something hinky is going on. If it feels hinky, it's hinky, and don't worry about hurting their feelings, just disengage, whether directly saying goodbye-here's-why or, or not saying anything at all. We females especially have a tendency to try to soothe the other person, but it's important to ask, who do I owe it to more to protect, and what would I tell a friend to do in the same situation?

I swear, there should be a standard message automatically sent to each new member about pro-life ploys, pro-death ploys, rapey-murdery-total-mind-fuck ploys, scammer ploys, and general self-protection. Funny thing is, pro-lifers probably don't think they belong on the same list as the others.