I've struggled with my mental health since the start of my teens, I'm turning 26 this fall. I got diagnosed with ADD in 2021, which made things easier for a while, I finally found the source for all my problems.
I can't keep up with the most basic things in life. I view life as it is, I need to work so I don't end up homeless and starving to death. That's basically what life is. I don't fit in, I don't meet life's requirements. I keep getting burnt out and having sick leaves from work. My work doesn't mean shit to me, it's just a job i need to not starve and be homeless. I've tried to imagine myself in a job I like, but there's no jobs that tickles my brain at all.
To be honest I've only been existing since age 13. The only reason I'm still here is because of everyone else. I don't want my death to inconvenience the ones I care about, especially my mom. But I also don't want to live anymore, it would be nice to be out of this world.
I'm thinking about death 24/7 lately, all my waking hours my head is full of death wishes for myself. When I'm out walking I hope I get run over by a car, or I see cleaning products and think about downing the whole flask. I also don't want to wake up after an attempt, everyone would be so disappointed in me for even trying. I'm also scared of a failed attempt making me a vegetable, no way I'm ending up like that.
It's already been this many years and I'm still (if not more) suicidal. When will it end? I hope I grow some balls soon and get it over with.
I can't keep up with the most basic things in life. I view life as it is, I need to work so I don't end up homeless and starving to death. That's basically what life is. I don't fit in, I don't meet life's requirements. I keep getting burnt out and having sick leaves from work. My work doesn't mean shit to me, it's just a job i need to not starve and be homeless. I've tried to imagine myself in a job I like, but there's no jobs that tickles my brain at all.
To be honest I've only been existing since age 13. The only reason I'm still here is because of everyone else. I don't want my death to inconvenience the ones I care about, especially my mom. But I also don't want to live anymore, it would be nice to be out of this world.
I'm thinking about death 24/7 lately, all my waking hours my head is full of death wishes for myself. When I'm out walking I hope I get run over by a car, or I see cleaning products and think about downing the whole flask. I also don't want to wake up after an attempt, everyone would be so disappointed in me for even trying. I'm also scared of a failed attempt making me a vegetable, no way I'm ending up like that.
It's already been this many years and I'm still (if not more) suicidal. When will it end? I hope I grow some balls soon and get it over with.
