i'm so tired of thinking about killing myself. i can't go even a few days without thinking about hanging myself. every time a minor upset happens, i want to die. i have a roof over my head, food in my belly, a girlfriend and people who love me, and i still feel this way. i'm so sick of being like this.
apologies to bitch like this, just needed a place to post this where i won't get judged.
Hey, posting here lets you blow off steam where you won't be judged and where you don't need to worry about someone calling the cops. So go for it: post away! ;-)
That said, sorry to hear you're having a rough time. It's pretty awful not being able to look at anything without that ctb filter over the top of it.
A while back I read how just living with being suicidal for an extended period of time --having the thoughts in your head all the time-- can give you PTSD: your life is constantly in jeopardy from yourself, just as much as it would be in an abusive household or in a war zone. So you can put yourself into a self-reinforcing downward spiral. Don't
that concept just blow your mind? As if life weren't screwed up enough... I don't know if you have access to a safe, genuinely worthwhile therapist, but if so, you might explore that with her/him. If you can stop that spiral, it might make life a little easier.
