cantwaittoleave
no one noticed.
- Jul 18, 2022
- 27
i just want to get something off my chest. that's an okay vent, right..?
i'm so lonely. i'm so fucking lonely. not horny, not needing to hold someone's hand or kiss them. i would just die for any sort of connection with anyone. my ex, who would always leave me and i'd wait like a dog for, now resents me for finally leaving. my dad doesn't say 'i love you' when hanging up and every night he drinks he gets meaner and meaner as the summer approaches. he never called me when i lived with my ex. none of my friends have been friends since high school. i have bpd and it just gets worse with every dip. i think im over things and im motivated to live a life and try again? no! within the day i will feel hopeless and plan out ways to ctb.. i have felt disconnected from everyone for over a year now and i feel like im going mad. it's been 20+ years of my life that i have felt detached and unwanted. my nostalgic memories are also sickeningly detached and i maladaptive daydream far too often for my own good. i have no motivation to do anything in life, let alone do (it) well. i'm tired. i'm sick of feeling this way. 20+ years is too many to feel this bad. anyone who told me it gets better was lying and didn't know. i'm fucking tired. and i'm tired of being tired. and i used to mumble that shit to myself over a decade ago in school. crazy. when will it end? god i hope it's peaceful. that's all i want; it may not be what i deserved but please just let it be peaceful.
i'm so lonely. i'm so fucking lonely. not horny, not needing to hold someone's hand or kiss them. i would just die for any sort of connection with anyone. my ex, who would always leave me and i'd wait like a dog for, now resents me for finally leaving. my dad doesn't say 'i love you' when hanging up and every night he drinks he gets meaner and meaner as the summer approaches. he never called me when i lived with my ex. none of my friends have been friends since high school. i have bpd and it just gets worse with every dip. i think im over things and im motivated to live a life and try again? no! within the day i will feel hopeless and plan out ways to ctb.. i have felt disconnected from everyone for over a year now and i feel like im going mad. it's been 20+ years of my life that i have felt detached and unwanted. my nostalgic memories are also sickeningly detached and i maladaptive daydream far too often for my own good. i have no motivation to do anything in life, let alone do (it) well. i'm tired. i'm sick of feeling this way. 20+ years is too many to feel this bad. anyone who told me it gets better was lying and didn't know. i'm fucking tired. and i'm tired of being tired. and i used to mumble that shit to myself over a decade ago in school. crazy. when will it end? god i hope it's peaceful. that's all i want; it may not be what i deserved but please just let it be peaceful.
