I've been smoking a lot of marijuana recently and it eventually helped me realize a few things. For instance, I shouldn't hate myself so much because thus far, I've merely made the best use of the limited resources I've been offered. Thus, hating myself for my circumstances is pointless. Everyone's just sort of winging it the best they can. No one's really objectively correct about how they live their lives, they're just working with what they have.
But that aside, it also made me realize something. In the end, I can't really be saved by someone else. Being autistic, it's extremely difficult for me not to have some "rails", be it another person or a set of standards, to lean on. I need to define my own objectives and methods of getting there. And when there's so many things I want to do, I just get overwhelmed and give up pretty easily. So, I've been trying to break things down into smaller, step by step processes. It's HARD and I'm still working on coping techniques.
I wish I had some sort of advocate or caretaker or something. I barely feel capable of taking care of myself but life has seen fit to shunt a bunch of responsibility onto me. And I just sort of stand alone.
My sister and her boyfriend suggested using vocational rehab services. They apparently help people with disabilities find and keep employment. My goal with them is to get some low-hour, low-stress job, preferably something like 10-20 hours a week (or, barring that, as few as possible) and preferably away from people. From there, I could slap it together with disability funds, get an apartment on my own and live more independently.
Yeah, I'm fucking miserable, but there's something I haven't tried before and that's not being a NEET. I think this is my best bet to accomplish that. In the long term, I also want to do things like get my passport and get a driver's license, but I don't want to overwhelm myself. Just do what I need to do for the day then close the To-Do list. I need to work on compartmentalizing that part of things so that the stress of having so much to do stops bleeding over to the rest of my life.
But that aside, it also made me realize something. In the end, I can't really be saved by someone else. Being autistic, it's extremely difficult for me not to have some "rails", be it another person or a set of standards, to lean on. I need to define my own objectives and methods of getting there. And when there's so many things I want to do, I just get overwhelmed and give up pretty easily. So, I've been trying to break things down into smaller, step by step processes. It's HARD and I'm still working on coping techniques.
I wish I had some sort of advocate or caretaker or something. I barely feel capable of taking care of myself but life has seen fit to shunt a bunch of responsibility onto me. And I just sort of stand alone.
My sister and her boyfriend suggested using vocational rehab services. They apparently help people with disabilities find and keep employment. My goal with them is to get some low-hour, low-stress job, preferably something like 10-20 hours a week (or, barring that, as few as possible) and preferably away from people. From there, I could slap it together with disability funds, get an apartment on my own and live more independently.
Yeah, I'm fucking miserable, but there's something I haven't tried before and that's not being a NEET. I think this is my best bet to accomplish that. In the long term, I also want to do things like get my passport and get a driver's license, but I don't want to overwhelm myself. Just do what I need to do for the day then close the To-Do list. I need to work on compartmentalizing that part of things so that the stress of having so much to do stops bleeding over to the rest of my life.
