toseeyousmile
Member
- Nov 23, 2020
- 80
The thought of killing my mom came into my mind. Ever since she got her stroke it's more clear than ever that our mother and son bond is irreplaceable, once I live nobody can take or come anywhere close to replacing my place. We really do care about each other, which is why once I ctb, idk if it's possible for her to recover, so maybe taking her with me is the most merciful thing since idk if she can go on and if she can, if the anguish I'll be leaving her with is bearable. Both sides of the argument in my head here are fucked, I'm so far gone idk what to do, I don't think there's really any practical solution anybody can offer unless it's for me to live so asking for advice in this matter isn't really a worthwhile idea, unlucky. The saving grace is maybe my sister or maybe some others can help her get through it but I'm really doubtful her mental would recover from me ctbing.
Living with her now, if she truly knew how I thought, like about life and stuff, about having no real ideals for the future and just doomer values on everything in general, she'd be pretty stressed thinking and worrying about me and if I would already feel guilty if she knew about things when I was alive, her mental would definitely break if she knew how I thought once I ctb, there's no solving this problem unless I adjust and become like, and actual decent person but yeah no not happening.
Living with her now, if she truly knew how I thought, like about life and stuff, about having no real ideals for the future and just doomer values on everything in general, she'd be pretty stressed thinking and worrying about me and if I would already feel guilty if she knew about things when I was alive, her mental would definitely break if she knew how I thought once I ctb, there's no solving this problem unless I adjust and become like, and actual decent person but yeah no not happening.