Thoughts on a recent passing...

[Aap]

I don't usually make posts about feelings, and the vast majority of the posts I reply to are heavily skewed towards the factual versus the emotional. I debated not making this, as I didn't want to opine or feel like chatting (one lovely user even called me rude simply because I didn't respond to a chat about a user's death). I'm quite simply bothered by a user's recent passing.

Im bothered by the fact the passing was obviously in the middle of a crisis, impulsive, and undoubtably due in part to self medication. I noticed this individual's posting become more erratic and vacillating between extreme depression and hypomania, and these swings seemed to be, at least in part, associated with self medication. The user wanted help, and I'm bothered that she was utterly failed by the healthcare profession, and I'm bothered that she wouldn't or couldn't see the self medication was impairing her decision making process.

What is the point of posting this? I guess it is to say that self medicating doesn't solve the underlying issues and impairs judgement. It is also to say get help; no, demand it. I realize poor mental healthcare services are the norm, rather than the exception. That said, their absolutely are people who have strongly benefited from it. I guess the point of this is to say goodbye.

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

I'm sorry about the passing of your friend and how it's affecting you.

I've definitely experienced how self-medicating can exacerbate mental health. I'm sober now, still miserable and suicidal, but it's definitely better. I've also witnessed other people, even people on SS now, who don't seem to understand how their substance use is almost certainly impairing their judgment and making them feel worse. I don't think there is much anyone can do though, if I'm being honest. People have to first admit it to themselves that it's true and for most people, nothing anyone says will make that happen. They have to come to that conclusion themselves, and then they have to want to change it.

As for help. Speaking only about myself. Sure, I do think some kind of therapy would benefit me, but I also can't afford it. I make very little money and don't have health insurance, but because I now live in a household that makes over a certain amount of money (my father), I don't qualify for things like medicaid or free help. My dad can't afford to help me right now either. He's been out of work for a couple of months and just started a new job. I'm pretty sure he just recently got a loan just to keep the house, so yeah.. he can't help me and I honestly think he would tell me he didn't have the money even if he did. The guy cheated me out of my mom's inheritance two years ago, but I won't get into that. So help isn't even a possibility for me at the moment and I'm sure other people are dealing with that too. If people can get help though, I wish they would.. at least try.

 

[paininme]

I am sorry for the loss of your friend and how much it has impacted you

 

[Avyn]

If therapy wasn't this expensive and hard to get an appointment then maybe it would be easier for others. Yeah it doesnt help all people, especially some medications make them feel even worse, but I feel like in most countries it is extremely hard to get to a therapy session. Dont get me wrong, theres usually either tons or no therapists, but in both cases it is also impossible to get an appointment. I remember an old friend of mine from germany has tried to get help for a very long time, but all of that was to no avail. In the end the only reason she did get therapy sessions was because her goddamn sister had contacts to therapists. Sure therapy isnt 100% effective all the time, but I am sure if everybody was able to afford it, it would certainly save more people in the end.

I am sorry you feel this way, some people kill themselves impulsively when theyre in a bad spot and honestly i can understand them. I mean, we also feel the same in such situations, we feel so bad after something happens or after something triggers us and just want to die. Happens often to me when I get into trouble, fuck up and have a mental breakdown. If I had a gun in these moments I would have shot myself over a hundred times by now, just because in these moments I feel so bad. I believe I am not the only one feeling this way.

In the end, nobody has to pass, nobody should kill themselves and die in such a sad way. Everyone deserves to be alive, but this is not how life works. We get born with shit parents, abuse, bad childhood memories, we get harassed, bullied, ignored etc. All of this doesnt need to happen, but it does. I can't blame anybody that killed themselves for wanting this pain to be over, in the end it is their decision. Yes, someone suiciding is bad and it certainly doesn't have to end this way, especially when it was an impulsive decision, but theres no other exit most of the times. Nothing else they can do to end their suffering

 

[Aap]

I'll also just note that therapy isn't the only solution. Many of those who will swear up and down (fill in name of substance) makes them better/keeps them going would also fiercely state that no psychiatric medication could possibly help them under any circumstance.

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

I'll also just note that therapy isn't the only solution. Many of those who will swear up and down (fill in name of substance) makes them better/keeps them going would also fiercely state that no psychiatric medication could possibly help them under any circumstance.

I mean, out of all the drugs I've done (I was a heroin addict at one point), SSRIs damaged me far more than any other. My first and only suicide attempts were a direct result of akathisia, which I developed from paxil. I've never experienced a hell like that before. Now, it seems like I can't take anything without it coming back or at least, bringing back dysesthesia and restlessness for weeks. Even benadryl and 5-htp brings it back when I never had a problem with those before. So, I understand now more than ever the paranoia about taking psychiatric medications. I've been off them about a year and four months and I'm still not completely healed and I was only on them for four months. Obviously, they do help a lot of people and I would never discourage all people to never try them, but I understand the hesitation and I do think they can be as ever bit as damaging and sometimes like in my case, even worse.

 

[Aap]

Oh I know. I'm just glad you are doing better than you were 6-9 months ago.