ImogenHeap
realtime
- Aug 29, 2025
- 8
The first few days I felt normal, then I started having passive suicidal ideations - I wished it would be better if I had died - but I didn't actually want to commit or do anything that would result in that had it been too painful. This went away as fast as it came, and I started feeling less anxious in situations where I had previously felt anxiety: I spoke up more where I had kept quiet, I dealt with people better, knew when to discount other people's opinions of me.
This kept up until the past week or so, when I started feeling suicidal. This time it's different from the time in the beginning. In particular, I notice my will to actually commit being stronger and my lack of regard for my family members is much more to the point where I'm considering breaking off w/ my SO amicably but not revealing it to them - I don't want to have to tell them that my liking them is countervailed by my desire to commit suicide.
I think the suicidal thoughts are countervailed by the benefits the drug brings me, I don't want to have to go back to the way I was before, so I likely will be continuing the drug until the foreseeable end.
Note: Yes, the drug was prescribed to me. Yes my psychiatrist knew about my having passive suicidal ideations in the beginning. Yes they told me it was OK to continue the drug.
This kept up until the past week or so, when I started feeling suicidal. This time it's different from the time in the beginning. In particular, I notice my will to actually commit being stronger and my lack of regard for my family members is much more to the point where I'm considering breaking off w/ my SO amicably but not revealing it to them - I don't want to have to tell them that my liking them is countervailed by my desire to commit suicide.
I think the suicidal thoughts are countervailed by the benefits the drug brings me, I don't want to have to go back to the way I was before, so I likely will be continuing the drug until the foreseeable end.
Note: Yes, the drug was prescribed to me. Yes my psychiatrist knew about my having passive suicidal ideations in the beginning. Yes they told me it was OK to continue the drug.
