-nobodyknows-
I will face my fate.
- Jun 16, 2024
- 798
I am a failure. I could never be the person I wanted to be. The child my parents deserved. I am so useless. Unwanted. Unneeded. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I get absolutely nowhere.
But I guess that's okay. I sort of knew this would be how things turned out. I knew from the moment I was hospitalized that I would only be a burden. That I had no place in society. That I could never become like everyone else. I'm just too twisted. My mind is so full of holes that I can barely retain information anymore. You should see me at a job interview. Even though I'm almost finished with my degree, I struggle with even basic questions. I have no hope of ever getting a job outside of those with the most basic requirements.
Human relationships are just as bad, if not worse. I have pretty much no friends. I have some people I hang out with every once in a while, but I know all too well that I have to conceal my true feelings from them. If I told them how I was really feeling, they would leave me alone. As for romantic relationships… I don't even want to think about it. They're so far out of reach, to the point that they seem impossible at this point. I cant even make friends, how am I supposed to find a relationship?
It doesn't matter how hard I try. None of it matters in the end. My fate is carved in stone, clear for all to see. There is no way of averting it, of changing anything. I am destined to collapse. I am fated to kill myself. The world is screaming it at me. It has been for years. And yet, like the idiot I am, I have been stubbornly shaking my head, as if simply living my life like a normal person would somehow make me normal. I need to get over myself. My life isn't a novel. There will be no happy ending. There will be no twist of fate. There is no way out. No one is coming to save me.
Very well. If that is what you want, then so be it.
But I guess that's okay. I sort of knew this would be how things turned out. I knew from the moment I was hospitalized that I would only be a burden. That I had no place in society. That I could never become like everyone else. I'm just too twisted. My mind is so full of holes that I can barely retain information anymore. You should see me at a job interview. Even though I'm almost finished with my degree, I struggle with even basic questions. I have no hope of ever getting a job outside of those with the most basic requirements.
Human relationships are just as bad, if not worse. I have pretty much no friends. I have some people I hang out with every once in a while, but I know all too well that I have to conceal my true feelings from them. If I told them how I was really feeling, they would leave me alone. As for romantic relationships… I don't even want to think about it. They're so far out of reach, to the point that they seem impossible at this point. I cant even make friends, how am I supposed to find a relationship?
It doesn't matter how hard I try. None of it matters in the end. My fate is carved in stone, clear for all to see. There is no way of averting it, of changing anything. I am destined to collapse. I am fated to kill myself. The world is screaming it at me. It has been for years. And yet, like the idiot I am, I have been stubbornly shaking my head, as if simply living my life like a normal person would somehow make me normal. I need to get over myself. My life isn't a novel. There will be no happy ending. There will be no twist of fate. There is no way out. No one is coming to save me.
Very well. If that is what you want, then so be it.
