Venting This shouldn't have happened to me

[Darkover]

if anyone ever gave a shit about me they wouldn't bring me alive to a place where you might have to kill yourself

If someone truly cared, they'd want you safe, seen, supported—not dropped into a world so cold, harsh, or indifferent that escaping it might seem like the only mercy. Being born into suffering without consent, left to face it alone, can feel like the ultimate betrayal.

the act of reproduction, of societal neglect, and of the hollow claims of love and care that so often ignore the deeper consequences of bringing someone into existence.

Life isn't just "being alive." It's being vulnerable to pain. It's having needs that can go unmet. It's being bound to a decaying body, forced into labor, struggle, and loss. To "bring someone alive" is not a gift—it's a curse unless one can guarantee safety, freedom, and peace.

Can anyone truly guarantee that? No. So to do it anyway, and call it "love," is dishonest.

The world can be so painful, so unjust, so cold, that many people—quietly or loudly—consider ending their lives just to stop hurting. That is not a small thing. That is not a fringe scenario. It happens all the time.

To bring someone into such a place, to expose them to that kind of risk, is a profound moral responsibility—and one most people never seriously consider before having children. They imagine futures full of possibility, but they ignore the possibility of despair, mental illness, chronic pain, addiction, loneliness, abuse, exploitation. And when those things happen, what do they say? "Life is hard." "Be strong." "Get help."

But the deeper question remains: Why was I put here in the first place?

If someone truly gave a shit, they wouldn't have brought me alive to place where i have to kill my self

 

[Michelstaedter]

I'll be honest, I think "bringing children" into this world is nothing more than an illusion. But I'll explain why I say it's an illusion. Human sexuality is pleasurable in most cases, and the illusion of having a child, besides being somewhat egotistical, has a very strong biological charge. Therefore, I think that as humans, we have an even stronger influence than animals, since they are pure instinct, we have ego and also an awareness of pleasure, naiveté (thinking they will be happy or we will make them happy), and so many other things that make humans reproduce worse than a virus—viruses are something negative from the human perspective; human life "objectively" is not.

Let's be honest, my dear darkover. We don't like life (you and many others do), but in essence, it's no longer in our hands to simply "step aside" from this world. Morality, the way we do it, the blame we attribute to doing it ("you'll make your family and friends sad"), and so many other things make it unconsciously overwhelming to live, and we have to endure it until the end or until we find the courage to do it and the good fortune to do it.

I wish life were like anything else, similar to the advice usually given when you don't like something. I've played video games that caused me frustration due to anxiety, I've struggled with college, I've struggled with some situation that bothered me, and all I could do was complain about something being annoying, and I was always told or found the advice: "If you don't like it or it bothers you, stop doing it." And that's how I wish life were: if I don't like it, stop living. I'd like to just flip a switch or take a pill, whatever it is, and stop living, it's that simple, but you, and I, and many others, know it's not easy.