I feel I'm only here to try and help and forgive myself
Well, I feel much better over last couple months and don't feel like I have to leave. I did, however, withdrew from participating in most depression-inducing discussions, as it's getting harder and harder to empathize with feelings I start to forget.
I believe I understand what you are saying. I find this place incredibly helpful and then there are times I wonder if I should leave, not because of what anyone has said or done, just ponder on if its making me me more low sometimes. I dont think you were referring to fact that this place would make you CTB, but that sometimes its all so much to take in and on same subject matter, it gets overwhelming. I believe this is what you are trying to convey? I dont think for me being here will make me any more low or sad or decide anything for me, but I do have to catch myself from coming on too often and times it upsets me alot what people post and I cant handle goodbye threads at all. Doesn't mean this place isn't helpful for us. We are all struggling and yet we are all different, so it maybe that the more sensitive among us become more effected by certain issues. I know this is how it is for me, yet same time this place has been a lifeline for me so appreciate it so much. xx
Easy enough then. Block all sections except Recovery. :)
I'm in a dark place too and I don't need anything making it worseI'm in a dark place so I love this place but I can see your point of view on how being on a forum like this and seeing members you care about leave can bring you down. If you wish to recover there's no pressure for you to stay, and if you ever wish to come back, We'll be here to support your recovery and your choices one way or the other.
I'm really despairing that with or without my problems our society is in total freefall. I suppose I should be thankful it stops me thinking about me for a bit. This is bigger than all of us
I think that expressed my answer better than I could.
Yes. Been there. Still hurts. Will happen again. It is the price you pay for standing on the front line and for caring about people.
It's not really me I'm worried about and I've seen what a rarity that is. Many have given up on everyone and want to see the world end. I can't do that. What if we keep coming back? We need something to come back to. What did this world do wrong? It gave us a home and we're killing it and ourselves. If that's cause for celebration then you're the problem (not you personally)The OP reminds me of an expat bar I used to hang out in. I'm not much of a drinker, but it was one of the few available local social options, and of those few, I liked that particular crowd best.
But certain behaviors are accepted in bars, and I had to fight it bringing me down. I had to either totally accept the behaviors and the environment; fight and sometimes win; fight and sometimes be hurt/hated; or leave when the environment was bringing me down more than it served me. It was a stagnant environment, being a bar; people weren't seeking to improve, they were seeking to socialize with intoxicants, which tend to bring out the worst more often than the best.
Folks who come to SS get pro-choice, they get support for improving, they get support if they can't make improvement happen, they get support if they're ready for an irreversible decision. It makes sense that if one wants to live, hanging out in conversations about death can feel stagnant or harmful, because the inner self is heading for its own pro-life.
I recently read an analogy of two coals (no CO pun intended). Place a freshly lit one next to a sooty one that's about to go out. Either the freshly lit one will bring new fire to the old one, or the old one will extinguish the new one. But both are gonna end up with some soot.
So, OP, I can see how an environment that supports suicide is gonna hurt if you want to recover. It depends on your ratio of soot to fire, and what environment best matches who you really are and/or what you really seek. It may be that you've been revived and are capable of brushing some soot off, but keep getting more on you.
And yeah, that recent troll thread that bothered you so much, shit like that is gonna happen here too. It's definitely troubling to the opposite of a troll.
I suspect it is the natural course of things. Everything has its time and everything dies. Including humanity. It is sad, but something else will rise from the Ashes, and if we do come back, we'll come back to that.
